my gf's view of her self b/c of her weight

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She's a big girl. We've been hitting it off pretty well (infatuated, you might say). I've told her many bad aspects of myself. Today I mentioned the approx 1.5 months in an AFC. Suddenly the expression on her face changed. She admitted that she thought I was "aiming lower", that it made her feel good to think someone doesn't mind how slow she walks because of her weight, someone thought she was attractive.

A bit of a rough patch, here...

Photos please! I bet she is stunning.

If you are legitimately attracted to her, then the best thing you can do is not let her comments bother you, and to reinforce you sincerity by making sure she knows how you really feel. You know you better than anyone else, and if you aren't "Aiming lower" and are genuinely infatuated with her.. then I think that will be clear through your actions.

Last edited by rabbittss on 17 May 2012, 6:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The "aiming lower" thing is basically the dilemma that chubby girls have. They can get sex from attractive guy but its hard to get the commitment.

What does AFC stand for? Sorry if that is a silly question.

Without knowing what that means my best advice is this: you do find her attractive and you are proud that she is your girlfriend (if you weren't you wouldn't have wanted to change your relationship status on Facebook, as per your other thread). I think a lot of women who are a little heavier have so little self esteem that they find it hard to believe that anyone would find them attractive, which is really sad. Tell her you weren't aiming lower and you feel lucky to have met someone that you like being with. All you can do is give her compliments and hope she believes them.

I can relate to ur situation in which my girl is very large for her height and when she downs herself I tell her I love her no matter what. I fell in love with her personality long before we got together and her being big doesn't bother me, I guess I'm not judgemental in regards to what Amercian society defines as "beauty". Society says beauty entails a skinny super model and being large and all that mumbo jumbo is ugly. I also have heard a saying that basically states that an individual person is intelligent and large numbers of people (crowd or "society") are very stupid.

AFC = Adult Foster Care [home]

I was at one for about 2.5 months mostly due to anxiety and anxiety-induced paranoia related problems.

Thank you, I'm not sure we have them in the UK. I hope things are going OK with your girlfriend now.

It's not just a dilemma with larger ladies. I'm a size 3 and I have had that dilemma with my own boyfriend, but obviously not due to my weight. I needed reassurance from him that he wasn't "aiming lower", but in fact really wanted to be with me.

Frieslander, the best thing you can do is compliment her a lot - genuinely! - and do or say little things that come from the heart, but will assure her that you wouldn't want to be anywhere else when you're with her. For instance, when you guys are hanging out, and you feel very content, say so. Just tell her, "I'm really happy that you're here with me". I don't know your girlfriend personally of course, but when my boyfriend has told me things like how happy he was to have me visiting him, holding hands with him and watching his favorite TV show with him, that it was something he'd always dreamed about, it makes my heart melt.

I've always that this issue. I consider my bf pretty good looking and I'm about 50 pounds overweight at this point (although I used to be 100 pounds overweight, woot!). Since losing my job, I feel that I don't have much to contribute to the relationship by losing weight to become as pretty as I can be. He reassures me that I'm pretty as is but he supports my quest for health and infinite sexiness. Just make her feel comfortable and that you appreciate her as she is and support her.

I'm a bigger girl, it is really hard to find guys that really like you for who you are, that's awesome that you are attracted to her. It's really hard being a bigger girl there is a lot of prejudice around and also we feel unlovable because of our weight. She needs love and effection and to know that she is cared about despite her weight.

I do tell her frequently how beautiful she is.

If anything, I wish her voice was higher-pitched.... I wish I did not think that way.

I don't mean this in an insensitive way, but, are you?

If that isn't the case, and you do actually like her, and would regardless of your current physique or life situation, then here is how I personally would address the situation.

I would not try to insist to he that it isn't the case that you are aiming lower and that you find her absolutely beautiful, because she would expect to hear that from someone who wasn't sincere just as much as she would from someone who was sincere, and there is no way for her to distinguish the two individuals and their intentions.

I would actually be a bit upset because what she doesn't realize is, by making the statement she did in reaction to some personal things about yourself you have told her, she implied that someone such as yourself could only get someone who she views as a less favorable pick.

I think I would probably tell her, kindly, that you are not a perfect person but you are also not a lesser person. I would say you are a respectable man who makes his own choices and decides his own likes and dislikes, and you decided you like her.

What's the AFC?

Do you mean, what is an AFC? I answered that question above. AFC = Adult Foster Care [home

Ok, I understand Chronos' point clearer now, i totally agree with her.