How emotionally attractive are you?

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techstepgenr8tion
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08 Jun 2012, 7:54 pm

Almost an impossible question. Different strokes all the way around and it seems like 'attractive' is a question of what would get you the most generic looks rather than a few really well-defined ones.

I don't get the sense that I'm emotionally unattractive, I just feel like if I had 'conformity' on my list of life objectives I've failed that one miserably. Hence I'll either find someone who I fit a niche for almost perfectly, or I may be on my own from here on out. Whether or not my emotional state or style is vaguely attractive to women or more offputting than not I suppose is a concern that I can't allow myself to have - too many other things that matter significantly more than any craving for adulation.


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JanuaryMan
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09 Jun 2012, 5:54 am

In regards to how emotionally attractive I am, very on the right days, and absolutely not on the wrong ones. I'm sure this applies to anyone really and no one is gonna be in the zone 24 / 7.



blueroses
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10 Jun 2012, 6:07 pm

I'm not completely sure I even understand what 'emotionally attractive' means, but I have the feeling that much of the time I'm not too high on that scale. On the plus side, I recognize the need for give-and-take and can be patient when a partner's going though a rough patch, in terms of emotional attractiveness.



The_Face_of_Boo
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10 Jun 2012, 6:15 pm

as much as my hairy chest.



1401b
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24 Jun 2012, 3:13 pm

rabbittss wrote:
[...]Yet none of my friends ever want to be around when I have any sort of emotional troubles at all. I tend to become despondent, and I imagine that's not very attractive.


This happens to me quite a lot and took years to figure out.
A person needs to be truthful, fair, and unafraid of self-acknowledging their own strengths. It helps things make sense sometimes.

For me, (and likely for anyone that has at least one area of high competence) people see me as highly cope-able. My 'melt-downs' clearly massively freak them out.
Kind of like how children get panicked if they see their dad crying. "If something can do this to THIS guy, I wouldn't have a prayer against it"

In other words they cannot even cope w/the concept of the reality, of whatever is making you stagger.

Nothing against them. Hardship builds character -many ASDs have had plenty of 'character building' experiences.
After all the 'enforced' coping you've undoubtedly gone through, you are probably heroically durable.
Anything that can make you flounder, has to be at least diabolical, just to get your attention.

Remember they can read us* and by all appearances and behavior, they're terrified by what they see, poor things.
We don't have to forgive them any more than they have to forgive us, it's not even about that.
They couldn't begin to help. They don't know how and they're panicked. Can't blame them for running away.
Besides, anyone I'd go to for help would be a friend.

In my more philosophical moments, I'm glad that people I like have not had to build this level of endurance. . .

Anyway, it's probably because you are highly emotionally attractive that would cause this.


*Disclaimer: the problem is we don't send right, but panic still shows. . .


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outofplace
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24 Jun 2012, 10:00 pm

That's a difficult question to answer as it would depend on the opinion of the observer. A few women have found me very emotionally attractive, but sadly I did not share the same feeling towards them. Some find me obnoxious and most just find me odd. Thus, I find it difficult to quantify things as few actually take the time to know me and fewer still display any sort of attraction to me at all. Thus, I would probably rate myself a 5. It's not that I am unkind but rather that I am probably too kind and do not understand how to play the game. It seems that most want someone who makes them work for it and I am too honest too early to play that game.


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Monkeybuttorama
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24 Jun 2012, 10:17 pm

I'm not sure I understand the question, but I'll try ^_^

With calm, even-tempered company, I have very little outward display of emotion, and I don't feel much very often. I am calm, relaxed, and can be myself, quirks and all.

Around people with major emotional needs and displays, however, I am terrible. It makes me feel very awkward, and stresses me out, and I often end up mimicking the emotion internally or internally berating the person being overly-emotional. When that doesn't happen, I have major panic attacks because I don't necessarily understand what is expected of me.

I handle stress extremely well for the most part, I'm in no way needy, and I'm very secure with myself. I don't want to be the center of attention, I don't get jealous, and unless you push me past the point of no return, I don't make scenes in public. I am compassionate, though not at all empathetic (I respond more strongly to a cat in distress then a friend) I don't rush bonds, and I take a long time to commit to feelings enough to voice them.

That said, I tend to be somewhat condescending, but only because I'm so much more awesome then most people :wink: and a lot of people read me as "very cold" emotionally, simply because I don't show much to people who aren't used to my displays. When I do reach my limit for stress or other people's emotions, I shut down or blow up.

All said and done, assuming the best group of people are around, I'd say I'm about 8; I love calm me -she's awesome! around not-so-awesome people, maybe a 4 at best.



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02 Jul 2012, 4:55 pm

didn't put numbers. scale 1-10

about neg 4 within the first five min or so;
then pos 5 @ ~ 10 min
pos 7 @ ~ 20 min;
about pos 12 after ~6 cumulative hrs.

avg about 8 over ~ 5 year period
then I apparently go to a neg 4 again lol


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teamnoir
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02 Jul 2012, 5:58 pm

Depends on who's doing the looking.

On the one hand, I'm not the life of the party and probably never will be. I'm just not charismatic in that social butterfly, charming sort of way.

I tend to suck at validation and that's something a lot of people want very much in their relationships. I can make it work, but it requires a bit of discussing and negotiating and a lot of people are expecting their partners to magically "just know" somehow. IMO, that's relying on luck rather than skill, but that seems to be how a lot of people view relationships. OTOH, the fact that I have the skill to develop those things is very attractive to some.

I also tend to put a pretty high value on my relationships these days. It's getting harder and harder to find new ones, so I'm much more willing to work on them and much less willing to let them go. For some people, that's unattractive as they'd prefer more risk, prefer to be the ones doing the clutching, and/or prefer a less intimate relationship overall. For those folks, I'm probably less attractive.

To other people, those same traits look more like availability, vulnerability, and self awareness and are therefor attractive.

OTOH, I'm quite open, very honest, very direct, and fairly experienced in topics I'm not allowed to discuss here. That's also a mixed blessing as not everyone is interested in that level of intimacy. For those that are, I'm emotionally attractive. For those that aren't, I'm not.

Overall, I probably range from about 4 to about 10, depending. The more emotionally superficial the relationship, the less attractive I probably look.