Is this really too much to ask
08 Jun 2012, 8:25 am
Daily bathing goes a long way, especially in a hot, humid climate like most of India.
Your not going to be able to make up for the past; it's about getting yourself ready for the future. One thing that really stuck out to me when I read John Elder Robison's book was "Make Yourself Chooseable and eventually you will be chosen" If you want the attractive girls, your gonna have to put in effort.
I have heard of Messonic Judaism. It's def a small pool and that could be part of the problem. If you go Hillel, your gonna have to reject Jesus, but if you go for a Christian religion, there not going to obey the Mosaic Law. (of course you could just say it's a personal devotion not to eat pork or cheese burgers)
India is bound to have missionaries, visiting students, foreign ex-patriots. Look around on the internet for places.
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Showering more will make your life better in general, but it's not going to make young white virgins appear out of nowhere.
Your right; but one thing I've been getting harped on a lot lately is "Be Prepared." You do these things like good hygiene in case. Imagine if you met the needle in a haystack, beautiful virgin till marriage Christian girl and you smell so bad they won't even let you into the conference your both going to and she finds out. I don't think your getting a chance with her.
BTW; does she have to be a virgin? There are girls who might have lost it; but got tired of being used for sex and might be interested in waiting.
08 Jun 2012, 10:14 am
Why not just relax your standards and accept fat girls? There's really nothing wrong with them, as long as they're not so obese that their life expectancy is compromised.
Once you've been in a relationship with somebody for a while, their appearance seems different to what it did when you met them. You get used to it, so the lookers don't really seem any different to the non-lookers, eventually.
08 Jun 2012, 10:21 am
ToughDiamond wrote:
Why not just relax your standards and accept fat girls? There's really nothing wrong with them, as long as they're not so obese that their life expectancy is compromised.
Once you've been in a relationship with somebody for a while, their appearance seems different to what it did when you met them. You get used to it, so the lookers don't really seem any different to the non-lookers, eventually.
Once you've been in a relationship with somebody for a while, their appearance seems different to what it did when you met them. You get used to it, so the lookers don't really seem any different to the non-lookers, eventually.
You're basically asking him to settle. This will in the end cause him to loathe her. The OP has an excellent education and isn't fat himself. Apart from his "no sex before marriage" policy, he seems like a good catch.
Last edited by Kurgan on 08 Jun 2012, 10:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
Delphiki
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08 Jun 2012, 10:23 am
Kurgan wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
Why not just relax your standards and accept fat girls? There's really nothing wrong with them, as long as they're not so obese that their life expectancy is compromised.
Once you've been in a relationship with somebody for a while, their appearance seems different to what it did when you met them. You get used to it, so the lookers don't really seem any different to the non-lookers, eventually.
Once you've been in a relationship with somebody for a while, their appearance seems different to what it did when you met them. You get used to it, so the lookers don't really seem any different to the non-lookers, eventually.
You're basically asking him to settle. This will in the end cause him to lathe her.
Did you mean loathe or lather? both are one letter off, but lather would be so much funnier
_________________
Well you can go with that if you want.
08 Jun 2012, 10:43 am
Kurgan wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
Why not just relax your standards and accept fat girls? There's really nothing wrong with them, as long as they're not so obese that their life expectancy is compromised.
Once you've been in a relationship with somebody for a while, their appearance seems different to what it did when you met them. You get used to it, so the lookers don't really seem any different to the non-lookers, eventually.
Once you've been in a relationship with somebody for a while, their appearance seems different to what it did when you met them. You get used to it, so the lookers don't really seem any different to the non-lookers, eventually.
You're basically asking him to settle. This will in the end cause him to loathe her. The OP has an excellent education and isn't fat himself. Apart from his "no sex before marriage" policy, he seems like a good catch.
I don't see why he'd loathe her just for being chubby. I've known some people I felt were really quite ugly at first, but once I got used to them, they started to look better, I guess because I learned to respect them for who they were. I really think a lot of this "must have a looker" thing is just indoctrination. I mean, what's more important, a rotten personality or a bit of cellulite? I'm quite slim myself, and proud of it, but it doesn't make me a good catch. I'm asking him to question his priorities. I don't believe that handsome has anything to do with long term relationship success. I don't hear "I divorced her because I fancied a bit of skinny" very often.
spongy
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08 Jun 2012, 10:53 am
Kurgan wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
Why not just relax your standards and accept fat girls? There's really nothing wrong with them, as long as they're not so obese that their life expectancy is compromised.
Once you've been in a relationship with somebody for a while, their appearance seems different to what it did when you met them. You get used to it, so the lookers don't really seem any different to the non-lookers, eventually.
Once you've been in a relationship with somebody for a while, their appearance seems different to what it did when you met them. You get used to it, so the lookers don't really seem any different to the non-lookers, eventually.
You're basically asking him to settle. This will in the end cause him to loathe her. The OP has an excellent education and isn't fat himself. Apart from his "no sex before marriage" policy, he seems like a good catch.
I wouldnt go as far as previous ToughDiamond but I do have to ask if he has ever considered/given a chance to someone that was overweight.
Not trying to judge on anyone but we all have our preconceived views about certain things and quite a lot of times they are dead wrong.
Im not asking him to marry one of them but considering his current situation I think that it wouldnt hurt him to give them a chance if he hasnt in the past.
I mean one of Mystery´s introductory lines at seminars is: if you keep doing what you´ve always done you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
Now he and I have disagreements in quite a few areas but I do think that he has a point here and you cant just expect a situation to magically improve for itself.
08 Jun 2012, 11:11 am
Kurgan wrote:
Apart from his "no sex before marriage" policy, he seems like a good catch.
How does this make him a bad catch? He has values and is staying true to them. If anything, this makes him an even better catch. You may not agree with his decision; but it doesn't make him a bad catch.
I do question the thing about fat vs. obese. Try to diversify a little bit. I mean I personally don't like obese women; but there are some very attractive girls who are size 14's and such.
I"d look more for activeness.
My friend's uncle married a girl who was like 300 pounds but she wanted to get healthy, and she dropped over 150 pounds working out with him. They are mega health people now.
08 Jun 2012, 11:16 am
ToughDiamond wrote:
Kurgan wrote:
ToughDiamond wrote:
Why not just relax your standards and accept fat girls? There's really nothing wrong with them, as long as they're not so obese that their life expectancy is compromised.
Once you've been in a relationship with somebody for a while, their appearance seems different to what it did when you met them. You get used to it, so the lookers don't really seem any different to the non-lookers, eventually.
Once you've been in a relationship with somebody for a while, their appearance seems different to what it did when you met them. You get used to it, so the lookers don't really seem any different to the non-lookers, eventually.
You're basically asking him to settle. This will in the end cause him to loathe her. The OP has an excellent education and isn't fat himself. Apart from his "no sex before marriage" policy, he seems like a good catch.
I don't see why he'd loathe her just for being chubby. I've known some people I felt were really quite ugly at first, but once I got used to them, they started to look better, I guess because I learned to respect them for who they were. I really think a lot of this "must have a looker" thing is just indoctrination. I mean, what's more important, a rotten personality or a bit of cellulite? I'm quite slim myself, and proud of it, but it doesn't make me a good catch. I'm asking him to question his priorities. I don't believe that handsome has anything to do with long term relationship success. I don't hear "I divorced her because I fancied a bit of skinny" very often.
He'd loathe her for having to settle. A lot of the men who settle find their spouses annoying as all f..k after being in a relationship with them for an extended time period.
08 Jun 2012, 11:43 am
ToughDiamond wrote:
Why not just relax your standards and accept fat girls? There's really nothing wrong with them, as long as they're not so obese that their life expectancy is compromised.
Once you've been in a relationship with somebody for a while, their appearance seems different to what it did when you met them. You get used to it, so the lookers don't really seem any different to the non-lookers, eventually.
Once you've been in a relationship with somebody for a while, their appearance seems different to what it did when you met them. You get used to it, so the lookers don't really seem any different to the non-lookers, eventually.
I have already BEEN dating overweight girls. In particular, I had one year (2003--2004) relationship with Sarah who weights 225 lbl and two year relationship with Jennifer (2007 -- 2009) who weights 275 lbl. And right now this very minute I am in long distance relationship with Jax who weights 300 lbl (Jax is in New Zeland so I never physically met her; but in case of Sarah and Jennifer yes we physically met, we saw each other every week and were engaged at some point). This is PRECISELY why I wrote about wanting a skinny girl. Basically when I went to Europe for a conference about a year ago I was eating at the macdonalts and saw guys hanging out with girls of normal complexion. Not supermodels, just normal complexion. And then I realized how much I was missing. Also these "average" girls I was looking at seemed a lot more easy going than any of the three overweight girls I had, so this makes me also wonder whether being overweight and being grumpy goes together. I had exactly ONE chance to be with a skinny girl, Anne (see the last two paragraphs of " Thu Jun 07, 2012 6:44 pm" reply on p.3) but then I managed to blow it by telling her what I shouldn't have. So now I want to either get Anne back (first priority) or get someone who has normal weight (second priority). As far as the first priority I already tried that (I didn't actually ask her to date me but I tried casually emailing her and it seems like after 3 or 4 exchanges she stops replying). Thats why I now want second priority.
08 Jun 2012, 11:50 am
thewhitrbbit wrote:
I have heard of Messonic Judaism. It's def a small pool and that could be part of the problem. If you go Hillel, your gonna have to reject Jesus, but if you go for a Christian religion, there not going to obey the Mosaic Law. (of course you could just say it's a personal devotion not to eat pork or cheese burgers)
Okay in case of Jews they probably would be against the Jesus thing. But in case of Christians they have nothing against my keeping Mosaic law, even if they don't keep it themselves. I mean both of my long term relationships were Christian and both of these Christians were very respectful of my needs to keep the Mosaic law and tried to accommodate accordingly.
thewhitrbbit wrote:
BTW; does she have to be a virgin? There are girls who might have lost it; but got tired of being used for sex and might be interested in waiting.
I don't care if she had sex in the past, as long as she is not trying to have sex with me.
08 Jun 2012, 2:06 pm
Kurgan wrote:
he'd loathe her for having to settle. A lot of the men who settle find their spouses annoying as all f..k after being in a relationship with them for an extended time period.
When you say "settle," I thought you meant settling for a chubby one. But do you mean settle as in settling down for a long term relationship?
Roman wrote:
right now this very minute I am in long distance relationship with Jax who weights 300 lbl (Jax is in New Zealand so I never physically met her; but in case of Sarah and Jennifer yes we physically met, we saw each other every week and were engaged at some point). This is PRECISELY why I wrote about wanting a skinny girl. Basically when I went to Europe for a conference about a year ago I was eating at the macdonalts and saw guys hanging out with girls of normal complexion. Not supermodels, just normal complexion. And then I realized how much I was missing.
What's the point in leading this NZ lady on, if she's so clearly too fat for you?
Why is it so important to you that she's thin with a good complexion? Is this a sexual function problem or is it just a trophy thing? I can just about understand the former, though I don't experience it like that....maybe a little with my first serious partner, but after that I've always kind of grown on the lady as far as sexual desire goes. I suppose that's unusual for a male, looking after the friendship and letting the sex take care of itself. But if it's a trophy thing, well if I'd got a fat partner, I'd be proud of her and ashamed of anybody who thought I'd sold myself short. Can you not look through the eyes of love?
Quote:
Also these "average" girls I was looking at seemed a lot more easy going than any of the three overweight girls I had, so this makes me also wonder whether being overweight and being grumpy goes together.
No, I can't believe that fat people are grumpy. I'm quite lean, and I'm grumpier than the heaviest of my partners were, and they were clinically obese. There's no correlation at all, in the people I've known, between appearance and personality. I gather that people generally discriminate in favour of people with a lot of what they call "sexual capital," not just for partner selection but for any kind of co-operation. I can have no truck with that.
Quote:
I had exactly ONE chance to be with a skinny girl, Anne (see the last two paragraphs of " Thu Jun 07, 2012 6:44 pm" reply on p.3) but then I managed to blow it by telling her what I shouldn't have. So now I want to either get Anne back (first priority) or get someone who has normal weight (second priority). As far as the first priority I already tried that (I didn't actually ask her to date me but I tried casually emailing her and it seems like after 3 or 4 exchanges she stops replying). Thats why I now want second priority.
OK, you must be doing the parallel dating thing. I've no experience of that..........once I'm talking to one lady, I just focus on her and hardly let anybody else near me.....for one thing I can't multi-task women, and for another, I find that the slightest whiff of another woman sends the competition packing. But you might be able to multi-task better, and you might be selecting from a very different pool of ladies who know what the score is.
Obviously you must do what your heart tells you to do. I'm just rather surprised at your lack of emphasis on relating to women, because for me, when we relate beautifully, then she is beautiful.
08 Jun 2012, 2:13 pm
ToughDiamond wrote:
he'd loathe her for having to settle. A lot of the men who settle find their spouses annoying as all f..k after being in a relationship with them for an extended time period.
When you say "settle," I thought you meant settling for a chubby one. But do you mean settle as in settling down for a long term relationship?[/quote]
i'm not talking about chubby, but obese (40++ lbs overweight). Some chubby girls are extremely cute. By “settling”, I mean the present day slang; i.e. Forming a relationship with someone you have no romantic interest in, just because you're lonely, you feel pressured or something similar.
08 Jun 2012, 2:23 pm
There are only two ways I would be with a fat or ugly girl:
1) The relationship is strictly professional and platonic
2) I'm old an old virgin and I'm desperate and exhausted all other options (mail order bride, prostitutes, etc.)
I don't think I'm shallow. I'm average looking and expect an average looking girl. There needs to be some chemistry. Sexual intimacy is really important to me since I cannot connect with emotions. I have high standards for myself, higher than what I would expect for a girl.
I've had girls offer sex to me but I turned them down because they were ugly. I could only have sex with a girl if she was at least a 5 or 6 out of 10. My 5 or 6 might be different than yours. This is exactly why I'm a libertarian and want prostitution to be legalized.
08 Jun 2012, 2:31 pm
bizboy1 wrote:
There are only two ways I would be with a fat or ugly girl:
1) The relationship is strictly professional and platonic
2) I'm old an old virgin and I'm desperate and exhausted all other options (mail order bride, prostitutes, etc.)
I don't think I'm shallow. I'm average looking and expect an average looking girl. There needs to be some chemistry. Sexual intimacy is really important to me since I cannot connect with emotions. I have high standards for myself, higher than what I would expect for a girl.
I've had girls offer sex to me but I turned them down because they were ugly. I could only have sex with a girl if she was at least a 5 or 6 out of 10. My 5 or 6 might be different than yours. This is exactly why I'm a libertarian and want prostitution to be legalized.
1) The relationship is strictly professional and platonic
2) I'm old an old virgin and I'm desperate and exhausted all other options (mail order bride, prostitutes, etc.)
I don't think I'm shallow. I'm average looking and expect an average looking girl. There needs to be some chemistry. Sexual intimacy is really important to me since I cannot connect with emotions. I have high standards for myself, higher than what I would expect for a girl.
I've had girls offer sex to me but I turned them down because they were ugly. I could only have sex with a girl if she was at least a 5 or 6 out of 10. My 5 or 6 might be different than yours. This is exactly why I'm a libertarian and want prostitution to be legalized.
I agree that it should be legal, but I don't think that f.cking someone after you've payed for it feels as good as "free" sex (as a christian, I'll never pay for sex). If you're desperate to lose your virginity, try online dating and arrange a date with someone who looks promiscuous. A lot of girls on online dating sites are looking for casual sex and not relationships.
08 Jun 2012, 2:39 pm
Kurgan wrote:
bizboy1 wrote:
There are only two ways I would be with a fat or ugly girl:
1) The relationship is strictly professional and platonic
2) I'm old an old virgin and I'm desperate and exhausted all other options (mail order bride, prostitutes, etc.)
I don't think I'm shallow. I'm average looking and expect an average looking girl. There needs to be some chemistry. Sexual intimacy is really important to me since I cannot connect with emotions. I have high standards for myself, higher than what I would expect for a girl.
I've had girls offer sex to me but I turned them down because they were ugly. I could only have sex with a girl if she was at least a 5 or 6 out of 10. My 5 or 6 might be different than yours. This is exactly why I'm a libertarian and want prostitution to be legalized.
1) The relationship is strictly professional and platonic
2) I'm old an old virgin and I'm desperate and exhausted all other options (mail order bride, prostitutes, etc.)
I don't think I'm shallow. I'm average looking and expect an average looking girl. There needs to be some chemistry. Sexual intimacy is really important to me since I cannot connect with emotions. I have high standards for myself, higher than what I would expect for a girl.
I've had girls offer sex to me but I turned them down because they were ugly. I could only have sex with a girl if she was at least a 5 or 6 out of 10. My 5 or 6 might be different than yours. This is exactly why I'm a libertarian and want prostitution to be legalized.
I agree that it should be legal, but I don't think that f.cking someone after you've payed for it feels as good as "free" sex (as a christian, I'll never pay for sex). If you're desperate to lose your virginity, try online dating and arrange a date with someone who looks promiscuous. A lot of girls on online dating sites are looking for casual sex and not relationships.
Ya, I just started online dating. But before I meet someone I want to get in shape and get my looks up. It sucks I used to be in shape until the last 4 months. I gained about 30-40 lbs but I was uber skinny before that so I look good now, but I want to to lose 10-15 lbs. I'm not fat or anything though. Like I said, I have high standards. Don't take risperidal. It makes you fat.
