Is dating a "you either have it or don't" thing

Post Reply New Topic

I've heard a lot of people say, for instance, that being good at math is a "you either have it or you don't" thing. I'm starting to wonder if dating is the same, as everyone I know who's married started in high school or college with no problems.

I'm 19 and never kissed. People say that loud girls aren't for me, so I should go for the quiet ones. But it still doesn't work, since "quiet" could be code for "deceptive" (as evidenced by last time, which I could go into all day but don't want to fill ten pages).

I'm interested in computing numbers in my head, geography, and reading, but none of these interests will get girls or friends. I once tried a dance class, but I wasn't that great (the girls were nice but not my type). I'm trying to learn guitar hopefully as a "cool interest", and I'm think I'm pretty good at it. When I last played music, the piano, I was good, but my parents were concerned about me hitting the right notes as opposed to self-expression, so I grew discouraged back then.

I'm also wondering what kind of girl would be my type and how can I find that out.

No, definitely there are parts of dating that can be skills that you learn and aquire, such as how to present yourself with confidence, and how to make small talk and conversation, etc.

I know it feels discouraging to see many people around you easily find relationships. When I was 19 I felt the same way, like I was being left behind. Consider yourself lucky because you have time to watch their sucess and failures and take note of things that you dislike about their relationships (your friends' relationships at 19 won't necessarily all last forever, as you may notice).

I think that the best kind of person who is your type is someone you can be friends with, and when you find that out, then you will know more about who you want to date. Someone who wants to spend time at the library with you reading is more likely to enjoy your interests than someone who wants to spend time at a bar. Maybe meet someone at one of the places you like to go and start a conversation about a common interest, book, movie or music.

Let us know how it goes.

Only you know what type you like. Maybe list what you like in girls and don't like in girls.

The "you either have it or you do not" philosophy has never helped anyone.
Have a little faith in the future, and its ability to show you new things.

And a little personal advice: try not to compare yourself to your peers. The grass might look greener, but everyone has their own problems.

I am thinking it may well be a 'you either have it or you don't' thing. I'm turning 30 in a few months and I've never kissed a girl. Most people, if it was gonna happen to them, it would have happened by now.

Definitely continue with the music interest. Chicks dig musicians. I wish I'd listened to my mother years ago when she suggested I take up an instrument. Music has since become something I'm passionate about.

Get back into your piano playing and don't let anyone tell you otherwise, not even your parents.
In regards to you either have it or you don't theory, I get that but it also is true that life is what you make of it.