Do other Aspie girls ask guys out?

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saraip
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30 Aug 2012, 6:28 am

I probably do come across as condescending without meaning to, but there is a definite difference in my intellectual approach to life. For example, in South Africa, less than 15% of the population has even been to University. I have a medical degree, which is already intimidating to most people, but I have also worked in IT at a design level and taught myself two languages so that I now work freelance from home (as a medical translator), and I taught myself a lot of physics and maths. Very few people here can even cope with that kind of background - most people complete their basic degree, if that, and go to work where they no longer focus on being academic. Even going freelance at this age is intimidating to people.

But I don't see being "too smart" as a problem in any case - it just means I need to be an environment full of people who are smarter than me and I like the sound of that better than not being able to discuss my interests. Sure, I could shut down topics of conversation, but what would I have to talk about if not one of the topics above... probably just exercise! I don't think it pays to hide parts of yourself - if you're smart - just be smart - and in my case the solution is to simply find people who are smarter to socialise with and date. Hence my plan to go back to university and get a few more degrees - this time I'm going for maths, physics and engineering :)



saraip
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30 Aug 2012, 6:42 am

Oh by the way - "studied a medical degree" is my standard way of toning down "I'm a doctor"!



Kjas
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30 Aug 2012, 3:19 pm

I'm not thick - I know what it means and what you're saying.

You may have to consider that you may only be able to talk about one of your topics with someone you date, rather than all of them. As soon as you start imposing standards like you are now, the dating pool becomes incredibly small.

If I made it mandatory for those I dated to be able to challenge me at an intellectual level or even have discussions and debates on such topics that I am interested in, there would be very, very few people for me to date. Instead I make it a general point to ensure that they can grasp concepts, even if only basically, and that is enough for me.

Sometimes such needs as that are better off being filled from friends, other uni students or colleagues rather than depending on your partner to fill that need.
Not every need can or should be filled by our romantic partners. If you have things like that which only a very small percentage of the population can meet, you may need to reconsider how wise it is to include it as mandatory.

It has nothing to do with dumbing yourself down, simply looking at the situation and assessing logically the likelyhood. You can always talk full blast with everyone at uni or at your job, and share the more major things with your partner.


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saraip
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30 Aug 2012, 3:28 pm

I didn't add that because I think you're thick - I added it because it illustrates what you were saying before about toning stuff down - I try to do that. Obviously that didn't come across and I'm sorry about that.

Maybe the real problem is that I don't have anything else to talk about outside of those topics - you say discussing more important things with your partner, and I'm not actually sure what you mean by that - all the things above are what is important to me. Well, maybe I'd add computer and video games. :D It does help that I come here and participate in discussions. And yes, the dating pool is small, but I'm OK with that - I purposefully limit social contact in general because it is unpleasant - and that extends into the area of dating as well. Being in a relationship isn't that important to me - as you can see, I would rather be mentally stimulated and not in a relationship than in one in which I don't get that.

But who knows - we'll have to see when I go to university and actually participate, because the last time I spent all my time in my room! :)



deltafunction
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31 Aug 2012, 6:14 am

Yes, it is hard to find people willing to talk about math and physics outside of the engineering/math/physics/maybe some computer science majors world! Out of curiosity, and if you don't mind me asking, are you planning to pursue a career in these fields after your degree, and why or why not? I'm just wondering because being a doctor, at least in Canada, pays you much more than being an entry level physicist or engineer.



saraip
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31 Aug 2012, 11:21 am

So true - I guess I just have to keep an open mind and see how things go :)
Well, to tell the honest truth, I want to try and apply to be an astronaut when I finish studying - that's the only career I can think of that would warrant having so many varied degrees. A bit far fetched, but that's the idea :)



Einfari
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31 Aug 2012, 2:36 pm

I asked one guy out before. We went on a few dates after that, but it didn't work out. I don't have a problem with asking guys out, but they have to seem interested in me first. The guy that I asked out was a bit freaked out at first, mostly because he was a really shy NT. Now I'm seeing a different guy who has AS. He asked me on a date, which is a change from last year. Talking to him seems more natural than talking to most NT men for some reason, even though I'm more used to being around NT males.



WantToHaveALife
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18 Sep 2012, 7:32 pm

CrystalStars wrote:
Guys are (generally) expected to make the first move. That's why I'll be alone FOREVER.


yes and make all the other moves to that lead up to exchanging phone numbers and the first couple of dates, people always say that is part of being masculine, part of being a man, seriously, why is knowing what you want and going after it part of being a "Man?" who made that rule, standard?



Evy7
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18 Sep 2012, 8:47 pm

I'm an NT and I asked 2 guys out and have been asked out. But I only ask them out if I'm sure they like me back...I just like to cut to the chase. But if I get a clue that they might reject, then I wouldn't even ask.



WantToHaveALife
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15 Oct 2012, 12:40 pm

Evy7 wrote:
I'm an NT and I asked 2 guys out and have been asked out. But I only ask them out if I'm sure they like me back...I just like to cut to the chase. But if I get a clue that they might reject, then I wouldn't even ask.


wish more girls were like you



DieselMcGunner
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26 Oct 2012, 4:55 pm

I would never be the one to ask a guy out but I'm quite traditional. I'm not girly at all, but I think things are the way they are for a reason, a biological, scientifically valid reason. Men and women are equal but not the same so there should be roles, and as part of those roles, I feel it is the man who should initiate. I would never ask out a guy, although pre actually dating I would/have indicate that I'm interested, otherwise how would they know that I would accept?

But no I wouldn't ask a guy out.



rosemund
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26 Oct 2012, 5:09 pm

Yes, I have asked guys out. I don't know how many, as I haven't kept track. The trouble is, getting to more than one date.

I recently initiated contact with a guy much younger than me, but we went out twice, and he came to my house once (but was ill to the point he ran 101 fever and fell asleep). Then, suddenly...almost nothing. He'd told me he only wanted to date one person, because he was concerned about making himself emotionally vulnerable, and I was willing to go for that. After he was sick, I gave him time to get caught up with his schoolwork (he's late in college), and at his job. His answers to messages became three lines or less, and when he asked my plans for this weekend and suggested a movie he knew we both wanted to see, I told him to let me know when he could make it (as I don't work weekends). That was yesterday morning, and I still haven't heard from him. It's 5:00 pm here, i.e. officially the weekend, and I've accepted that he probably isn't going to get back to me about the movie time.

I've asked two friends, both NTs, one female and one male...neither of them can figure out what I might have done wrong. So this might be the end of my initiating anything with NTs. They're sometimes quite random and inexplicable.



WantToHaveALife
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27 Oct 2012, 6:22 pm

DieselMcGunner wrote:
I would never be the one to ask a guy out but I'm quite traditional. I'm not girly at all, but I think things are the way they are for a reason, a biological, scientifically valid reason. Men and women are equal but not the same so there should be roles, and as part of those roles, I feel it is the man who should initiate. I would never ask out a guy, although pre actually dating I would/have indicate that I'm interested, otherwise how would they know that I would accept?

But no I wouldn't ask a guy out.


typical :x



billiscool
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27 Oct 2012, 6:30 pm

yeah mine ex gf had autism and she asked me out.
But then again I believe most women (aspie or not) don't go up and ask men out



billiscool
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27 Oct 2012, 6:34 pm

women do approach men But only if the man is very attractive.
here the thing:
men will approach all type of women
women will approach attractive men
women will not approach average to below average men
(unless you are me. I am probaly the only average looking man that had
a woman approach me. also I was overweight at the time)



Kezzstar
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27 Oct 2012, 11:19 pm

I asked my ex out.

Silly me.

Oh well.

Don't want to ask the next guy out. He's far too good for me.


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