Do other Aspie girls ask guys out?

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billiscool
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27 Oct 2012, 6:30 pm

yeah mine ex gf had autism and she asked me out.
But then again I believe most women (aspie or not) don't go up and ask men out



billiscool
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27 Oct 2012, 6:34 pm

women do approach men But only if the man is very attractive.
here the thing:
men will approach all type of women
women will approach attractive men
women will not approach average to below average men
(unless you are me. I am probaly the only average looking man that had
a woman approach me. also I was overweight at the time)



Kezzstar
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27 Oct 2012, 11:19 pm

I asked my ex out.

Silly me.

Oh well.

Don't want to ask the next guy out. He's far too good for me.


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WantToHaveALife
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28 Oct 2012, 1:34 am

billiscool wrote:
women do approach men But only if the man is very attractive.
here the thing:
men will approach all type of women
women will approach attractive men
women will not approach average to below average men
(unless you are me. I am probaly the only average looking man that had
a woman approach me. also I was overweight at the time)


yea that makes sene



saraip
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28 Oct 2012, 3:23 am

OK, as a woman, I think this is absolutely not true:

Quote:
here the thing:
men will approach all type of women
women will approach attractive men
women will not approach average to below average men
(unless you are me. I am probaly the only average looking man that had
a woman approach me. also I was overweight at the time)


Men tend to approach women who are more concerned with their appearance. That means, generally speaking, women who are wearing make-up, spend time on their hair and nails, and wear fashionable clothes. It also, generally speaking, means women who are less overweight. I am very rarely approached by guys, but I wear no make-up (I don't want my pores covered, I like my skin to breathe) and I dress very casually all the time, to the point where I look like a bit of a hobo at times :)

As for men, I don't think women will only approach attractive looking men at all - because attractive men are usually busy approaching women themselves. I don't think attractive men wait around to be hit on. I think most women prefer approaching guys who look just that: "approachable". That doesn't mean you have to look like a supermodel or be attractive, you just have to smile, be open to conversation and show that you enjoy the woman's company. Personally, I am quite biased, because I think guys who are pretty are stupid (horrible stereotype - please feel free to rag on me about this one - it's bad, I know!! !) so I tend to actively avoid them.

Furthermore, you are NOT the only guy who THINKS he is average looking who has had a woman approach him - that is quite a ridiculous thing to say. Ask any of the women who have posted reporting that they ask guys out if all the guys they asked out were stunners and you will probably find that most of them were average looking. Anyone who asks people out because of the way they look is superficial and in my humble opinion is also not worth dating. On the other hand, if you guys really believe that looks are what counts, then stop complaining and hit the gym and spend time on your appearance - then you can have all the superficial girls you want!! :)



aspguy
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28 Oct 2012, 3:45 am

saraip wrote:
OK, as a woman, I think this is absolutely not true:

Quote:
here the thing:
men will approach all type of women
women will approach attractive men
women will not approach average to below average men
(unless you are me. I am probaly the only average looking man that had
a woman approach me. also I was overweight at the time)


Men tend to approach women who are more concerned with their appearance. That means, generally speaking, women who are wearing make-up, spend time on their hair and nails, and wear fashionable clothes. It also, generally speaking, means women who are less overweight. I am very rarely approached by guys, but I wear no make-up (I don't want my pores covered, I like my skin to breathe) and I dress very casually all the time, to the point where I look like a bit of a hobo at times :)

As for men, I don't think women will only approach attractive looking men at all - because attractive men are usually busy approaching women themselves. I don't think attractive men wait around to be hit on. I think most women prefer approaching guys who look just that: "approachable". That doesn't mean you have to look like a supermodel or be attractive, you just have to smile, be open to conversation and show that you enjoy the woman's company. Personally, I am quite biased, because I think guys who are pretty are stupid (horrible stereotype - please feel free to rag on me about this one - it's bad, I know!! !) so I tend to actively avoid them.

Furthermore, you are NOT the only guy who THINKS he is average looking who has had a woman approach him - that is quite a ridiculous thing to say. Ask any of the women who have posted reporting that they ask guys out if all the guys they asked out were stunners and you will probably find that most of them were average looking. Anyone who asks people out because of the way they look is superficial and in my humble opinion is also not worth dating. On the other hand, if you guys really believe that looks are what counts, then stop complaining and hit the gym and spend time on your appearance - then you can have all the superficial girls you want!! :)


Random post here, but thanks to your logic, that unexpectedly made me feel somewhat better about why girls don't ask me out. I do want a girl to think I'm really attractive and I want her to compliment how I look since how I look is part of my personality, but I require myself to find someone who will choose to be with me when I look like a mess any certain number of years from now. Whether or not I already look like a mess, I don't know. Whether or not my personality will be attractive to a girl presently or in the future, for whatever length of time, I don't know either. But what you said randomly helps even if I still never get to go on a date. Thanks.



saraip
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28 Oct 2012, 4:24 am

@aspguy: That's good news :) I think it's so much better to find someone who likes you as a person - and while I hope you do find what you're looking for soon, I also know that rushing in and out of relationships for the sake of having someone in your life usually leads to pain and bitterness, rather than long-lasting happiness - so I hope you find someone who appreciates ALL of you - not just your looks! :)



WantToHaveALife
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28 Oct 2012, 4:30 pm

saraip wrote:
OK, as a woman, I think this is absolutely not true:

Quote:
here the thing:
men will approach all type of women
women will approach attractive men
women will not approach average to below average men
(unless you are me. I am probaly the only average looking man that had
a woman approach me. also I was overweight at the time)


Men tend to approach women who are more concerned with their appearance. That means, generally speaking, women who are wearing make-up, spend time on their hair and nails, and wear fashionable clothes. It also, generally speaking, means women who are less overweight. I am very rarely approached by guys, but I wear no make-up (I don't want my pores covered, I like my skin to breathe) and I dress very casually all the time, to the point where I look like a bit of a hobo at times :)

As for men, I don't think women will only approach attractive looking men at all - because attractive men are usually busy approaching women themselves. I don't think attractive men wait around to be hit on. I think most women prefer approaching guys who look just that: "approachable". That doesn't mean you have to look like a supermodel or be attractive, you just have to smile, be open to conversation and show that you enjoy the woman's company. Personally, I am quite biased, because I think guys who are pretty are stupid (horrible stereotype - please feel free to rag on me about this one - it's bad, I know!! !) so I tend to actively avoid them.

Furthermore, you are NOT the only guy who THINKS he is average looking who has had a woman approach him - that is quite a ridiculous thing to say. Ask any of the women who have posted reporting that they ask guys out if all the guys they asked out were stunners and you will probably find that most of them were average looking. Anyone who asks people out because of the way they look is superficial and in my humble opinion is also not worth dating. On the other hand, if you guys really believe that looks are what counts, then stop complaining and hit the gym and spend time on your appearance - then you can have all the superficial girls you want!! :)


i've been doing a lot of cardio-work out lately, still have a while to go



saraip
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28 Oct 2012, 11:20 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
i've been doing a lot of cardio-work out lately, still have a while to go


I probably should have mentioned that I am usually overweight - my weight used to fluctuate wildly, so I have gone through periods of being normal weight, but more often than not, I am quite pudgy. I would recommend weight training as well (although only because I do it - I want to build muscle - some long term goals require it) - you can get a couple of dumbbells and work out at home, no need to hit the smelly, sweaty gym :D Regardless of what exercise you choose, as long as you stick with it (and commit to doing it for the rest of your life), you'll get the results you deserve. In fact, we should stay in touch, and compare notes like... a year from now? I'll look different and you'll look different and we can see where we get to from there in terms of hitting on and being hit on :D



bruinsy33
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29 Oct 2012, 11:35 am

saraip wrote:
OK, as a woman, I think this is absolutely not true:

Quote:
here the thing:
men will approach all type of women
women will approach attractive men
women will not approach average to below average men
(unless you are me. I am probaly the only average looking man that had
a woman approach me. also I was overweight at the time)


Men tend to approach women who are more concerned with their appearance. That means, generally speaking, women who are wearing make-up, spend time on their hair and nails, and wear fashionable clothes. It also, generally speaking, means women who are less overweight. I am very rarely approached by guys, but I wear no make-up (I don't want my pores covered, I like my skin to breathe) and I dress very casually all the time, to the point where I look like a bit of a hobo at times :)

As for men, I don't think women will only approach attractive looking men at all - because attractive men are usually busy approaching women themselves. I don't think attractive men wait around to be hit on. I think most women prefer approaching guys who look just that: "approachable". That doesn't mean you have to look like a supermodel or be attractive, you just have to smile, be open to conversation and show that you enjoy the woman's company. Personally, I am quite biased, because I think guys who are pretty are stupid (horrible stereotype - please feel free to rag on me about this one - it's bad, I know!! !) so I tend to actively avoid them.

Furthermore, you are NOT the only guy who THINKS he is average looking who has had a woman approach him - that is quite a ridiculous thing to say. Ask any of the women who have posted reporting that they ask guys out if all the guys they asked out were stunners and you will probably find that most of them were average looking. Anyone who asks people out because of the way they look is superficial and in my humble opinion is also not worth dating. On the other hand, if you guys really believe that looks are what counts, then stop complaining and hit the gym and spend time on your appearance - then you can have all the superficial girls you want!! :)
Physical attraction is part of overall attraction.It isn't superficial ,initially, to want to get to know someone because you like the way that they look.Obviously if that's all that there is ,physical attraction ,it likely won't be a long lasting deep relationship



saraip
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29 Oct 2012, 11:44 am

@bruinsy33: I think it is completely superficial to want to get to know someone based on how they look! Isn't that the definition of being superficial? This is a completely personal perspective, of course, but for the purpose of dating, I would much rather get to know people first to determine whether they have qualities that I like as a person. If I think they are good-looking, "looking" is all I do - it never progresses further than that. I'll bet that most women will agree - who would want to sit through a boring date with someone just because you think they are good-looking?! Eugh. What a waste of time. I'd rather find someone interesting but plain-looking :)



AProudHillbilly
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29 Oct 2012, 12:41 pm

Only one of the boyfriends I've had in my life (all before the age of 16) ever asked me out. I was always the asker. And I was often rejected. I'm glad the last guy I asked didn't reject me, though. He's now my husband - and I also asked him to marry me, too, two weeks into our relationship. And that was almost 13 years ago! I'm amazed he's put up with me for this long.

But on topic with this whole "attractiveness" bit - 90% of the males that most women find "attractive" don't interest me in the least. My friends in high school used to poke fun of me for the guys that I would crush on or go out with. But they were attractive to me. Why would I approach someone that I thought was "mediocre"? I totally scored with my husband, though. Hot, smart, a hard worker, loving.


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saraip
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29 Oct 2012, 1:16 pm

@AProudHillbilly: Good for you! And so glad to hear that you scored :) I think it was partly your willingness to make things happen that found you such a good mate.

Ha ha - I know what you mean about people wondering why you find certain people attractive - I usually don't find stereotypical guys attractive either. :)



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29 Oct 2012, 1:25 pm

Yes In my experience they do. I think it is rather simple, if an aspie girl likes a guy and is turned on by him she lets him know this. The neurotypicals are less straight forward I think.

billiscool wrote:
women do approach men But only if the man is very attractive.
here the thing:
men will approach all type of women
women will approach attractive men
women will not approach average to below average men
(unless you are me. I am probaly the only average looking man that had
a woman approach me. also I was overweight at the time)


I think this is more in the PUA vain of thinking, things like this do apply to many common neurotypical women. Really it is commonly accepted social convention, status seeking and emotional/relational manipulation. I am also thinking neurotypical women may just see aspies as different and often outright reject them, they will never be straightforward about this.



WantToHaveALife
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29 Oct 2012, 2:37 pm

wish i had the motivation to exercise literally everyday though



Northeastern292
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30 Oct 2012, 4:27 pm

I took an Aspie girl out on my first date, and since then, a couple of Aspie girls have asked me out, so yes, they do.