What is the main reason why guys have to do the approaching?

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asking out? initiating? Is it biology, evolution, part of DNA, as to why the guy always, or almost always has to be the one to initiate the steps in order to get a relationship started, making the first move and all the other moves that lead to exchanging phone numbers, first couple of dates, etc.? Or is it a social-construct as to why it is like this? People always argue, and it frustrates me, pisses me off, they always say "it's part of being a Man", seriously where is the God Damn Logic as to why that is part of being a Man? who or what made that rule?

Because having Autism/Asperger Syndrome makes a lot of guys socially-awkward by nature, and since the overwhelming vast majority of girls are old-fashioned, do not approach guys or start conversations with them, ask them out, it hurts guys in this case way more than girls in this case

I think it's just a tradition. Some people love tradition, some just don't know how to act outside of whatever traditions their culture teaches them.

i have asked guys out. in fact, i asked my husband for a first date twice before he said yes.

DING DING DING!! ! I took a class in college called "Voices of American Women", which translated to "Feminist Rhetoric". Women had to almost literally fight to change gender norms. If things ran my way, I'd make the process much easier. If a girl I liked came out and asked me out, I'd accept. My only reservation in relationship formalities is I would never let a spouse take my last name. Either you keep your last name or hyphenate.

Guys dont have to do the approaching.

However regardless of your gender: if you come across someone you find suitable you should consider letting them know that youd be glad to have a conversation with them.
The above may include: introducing yourself to the other person, hanging around where the other person is until they speak to you, displaying that you are available to talk when your eyes meet instead of looking elsewhere(friendly wave can do wonders) . . .

Why do we all need to let the other person know that you are open to talk/get to know them? Because lets face it most people are scared of taking chances when it comes to approaching a stranger since they may not be up for a conversation/they may react badly.... and until you do one of the things mentioned above you are a part of the strangers that may react badly to an approach.


Tonight I met over 10 girls several of which approached me. Whats my secret? I went to a place where I was sure to find girls that are open to a conversation(did plenty of research on which crowd shows up at what event, found a group of people of both genders that go out to meet strangers several times a week) and I stood somewhat close to the ones I found interesting. A friendly gesture out of nowhere did the rest.

If you don't want to do the approaching, then don't do it.
Just do what girls do. Send them subtle signals that you're interested and patiently wait for them to come to you.

Last edited by Yuzu on 21 Sep 2012, 9:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Because back in the days before equal rights between men and women marriage was seen as passing on property between the father and the husband. Because of this contract the men where the ones to show why they were the better mates, And also adding that women were a prize you had to go after it was the norm that men did the approaching.

Then came womens equal rights movements. The rights were given on paper but being accustumed to chivalry and such women didnt move away from that. Nowadays its mostly because they have kept the ability to not have to approach and have people come to them. More often than not girls can count less than 10 approaches. And thats IF they approach.

and is your marriage doing great?

well most girls are old-fashioned so i can't really hold my breath for that

yup.

To be honest ive never done any approaching . nearly any time i go out to a club a girl comes up. of course im a little awkward.. it would take an outgoing ,pushy girl to snag me lol.

Nowdays it doesn't matter, it's ok for either to do it. It used to be that only guys could do that because if girls approached a guy they were seen as "loose" because prostitutes would go up to guys to proposition them. It makes no sense because a girl coming up to you to say hello isn't the same as a girl coming up to you to offer you sex for money, but it was said to make girls "look bad" if they did it.

I've asked guys out. I've propositioned a guy before too, but not for money. It really doesn't matter nowdays but a lot of girls will wait on the guy so they don't seem pushy. Some done want to make the first move because they don't know if the guy would be attracted to them and they would feel bad if he turned them down. Guys feel bad when turned down too, but the assumption in our society is if a single guy is approached by a girl who is halfway decent looking, he won't turn her down. It's said that women can get dates easier than men if we ask first, but we are afraid it's not true and if a guy turns a girl down she's going to feel hideously ugly. It doesn't make sense, because if she turns him down hes only supposed to feel that she just wasn't interested and not take it personally.

Guys are seen as able to take rejection much better than girls.

Also, it's really just tradition.

Whenever I do the approaching either they do not notice me like I am invisible or get creeped out. If I am under the influence of alcohol some how I manage to get possitive results lol otherwise 90% of the time I am too shy anyway and just let them approach me.

I think it is a tradition that evolved from natural instinct. Looking at animals, it is just common for the male to do the grooming, while the female selects. The literature I have consumed regarding this topic, women are "programmed" in the way that they like to be - pardon the blunt expression - taken... or "chosen", if you want to use that term (since the word "taken" implies sexual interaction, allthough as far as I know, the majority of the women indeed like it if the man calls the shots in the bedroom).

My GF asked me out, of which im quite thankful

I guess it is that we have to be the ones doing it, based on habits; I am just too afraid to ask anyone out these days.