so what are shy men suppose to do

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Shatbat
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13 Nov 2012, 10:03 pm

AspieRogue wrote:
unduki wrote:
Women aren't mind readers. If a man wants a woman bad enough, he'll muster the courage to get her. If he can't, he probably doesn't deserve her in the first place.



What a bunch of bullsh*t. You don't need to read someones mind, you need to read their body language. You see unduki, if a man wants a woman bad enough but she does NOT feel the same way about him, his "go get her" approach will creep her out. I constantly hear women whining and complaining about being pursued by guys they're uninterested in. Social endeavors(including hitting on someone/asking them out)are the sort of thing where you get no credit for making the effort. You ONLY get credit if you produce the right results. Women like you are always trying to tell guys who aren't social to "be a man" and just go approach women........And then play damsel in distress and cry boo hoo about some "creeeeeepy" guy hitting on you! Get over yourself and STFU.


PPR has a set of very lax rules that allow you to be rude to everyone to your hearts content. L&D is different though, so you should watch your language


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bruinsy33
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13 Nov 2012, 11:03 pm

steviewonderau wrote:
If you are a shy, introverted guy and find it hard talking to people let alone approaching women you are probably better off just being you and remain alone. Anyway most relationships do not last long and there is like a 50% divorce rate. Asperger males are not missing out much by not being in or ever being in a more than likely dysfunctional relationships. If you are a quiet shy guy do nothing to change you.
There is some truth to this ,although,I think you are painting a very negative picture.In many ways,Aspies seem to be ill equipped for conventional relationships.I knew long ago I was not someone who could ever be a family man .However,that doesn't mean Aspies can't develop a satisfying relationship that works for them.



bruinsy33
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13 Nov 2012, 11:14 pm

unduki wrote:
Women aren't mind readers. If a man wants a woman bad enough, he'll muster the courage to get her. If he can't, he probably doesn't deserve her in the first place. Why saddle a woman with a man just because you feel sorry for him?
That's a pretty insulting thing to suggest to men with AS. Laying blame on a man who inherently doesn't have the know how or means to successfully approach a hypothetical woman is pretty misguided in my opinion.



14 Nov 2012, 4:30 am

bruinsy33 wrote:
unduki wrote:
Women aren't mind readers. If a man wants a woman bad enough, he'll muster the courage to get her. If he can't, he probably doesn't deserve her in the first place. Why saddle a woman with a man just because you feel sorry for him?
That's a pretty insulting thing to suggest to men with AS.



Of course it is. And unduki did that deliberately because she thinks she can get away with it. What she said was not only insulting to aspie men, it's just dumb.



Kinme
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14 Nov 2012, 4:40 am

Shatbat wrote:
I'm still wondering which is the acceptable amount of bragging I'm entitled to after being called the sexiest guy on wp :lol:.

I read not too long ago about a hitman who fell in love with his mark and refused to kill her. That assassin better not be gay :P


Good luck. I hear all of his assassins love men.



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14 Nov 2012, 8:38 am

Shatbat wrote:
AspieRogue wrote:
unduki wrote:
Women aren't mind readers. If a man wants a woman bad enough, he'll muster the courage to get her. If he can't, he probably doesn't deserve her in the first place.



What a bunch of bullsh*t. You don't need to read someones mind, you need to read their body language. You see unduki, if a man wants a woman bad enough but she does NOT feel the same way about him, his "go get her" approach will creep her out. I constantly hear women whining and complaining about being pursued by guys they're uninterested in. Social endeavors(including hitting on someone/asking them out)are the sort of thing where you get no credit for making the effort. You ONLY get credit if you produce the right results. Women like you are always trying to tell guys who aren't social to "be a man" and just go approach women........And then play damsel in distress and cry boo hoo about some "creeeeeepy" guy hitting on you! Get over yourself and STFU.


PPR has a set of very lax rules that allow you to be rude to everyone to your hearts content. L&D is different though, so you should watch your language

yes. AspieRogue, keep it nicer, please. this isn't a debate forum. you can find polite ways to disagree.


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Kurgan
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14 Nov 2012, 8:43 am

AspieRogue has a very good point, but he could have conveyed it in a nicer way. The stuff on how a man "will always approach a woman if he likes her enough" is an excuse to maintain the current dating norms, which are far more convenient for women than they are for men.



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14 Nov 2012, 5:34 pm

Give up because women have no desire for our kind because to them we are seen as weak.


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unduki
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14 Nov 2012, 5:45 pm

AspieRogue wrote:
unduki wrote:
Women aren't mind readers. If a man wants a woman bad enough, he'll muster the courage to get her. If he can't, he probably doesn't deserve her in the first place.



What a bunch of bullsh*t. You don't need to read someones mind, you need to read their body language. You see unduki, if a man wants a woman bad enough but she does NOT feel the same way about him, his "go get her" approach will creep her out. I constantly hear women whining and complaining about being pursued by guys they're uninterested in. Social endeavors(including hitting on someone/asking them out)are the sort of thing where you get no credit for making the effort. You ONLY get credit if you produce the right results. Women like you are always trying to tell guys who aren't social to "be a man" and just go approach women........And then play damsel in distress and cry boo hoo about some "creeeeeepy" guy hitting on you! Get over yourself and STFU.


Wow! I didn't know I would be attacked so ferociously for stating my opinion. I wasn't being rude or unkind, I was merely stating the facts logically as I see them. I'm open to discussion but I don't think personal insults are appropriate at all.

First of all - where are we??? As an aspie female, I'm insulted that I'm expected to read a shy man's body language. It's my fault he's shy??? Maybe I'm shy. No one clarified that we were only to discuss shy aspie men and forget that women can have autism, too. And "women like you" comments are lost to me because I'm not like any other women I've ever met. Get over yourself, eh?

My point was simply this - If a man is so shy that he's unable to communicate his feelings and intentions, its unreasonable to expect women to know.

This is what the song, "Horace Wimp" is all about.

My mother was extremely shy. She had a bunch of kids and had to get over it to get us through school. It took her awhile and she struggled with it a lot, but she did. People can and do all the time. Shyness is not the end of the world. Rudeness on the other hand, has a very good shot.


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Kurgan
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14 Nov 2012, 5:49 pm

There's a difference between social anxiety and shyness.



unduki
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14 Nov 2012, 5:54 pm

billiscool wrote:
since most women don't want to approach men and how shyness is view as ''weakness''.
So are shy men who are nervous around women just screwed?
What are they suppose to do?. Stay single and not have a relationship?
Some men are not just not good with women, period.
So should shy men just throw in towel becomes monk and live a celebacy lifestyle.
Women are not going to approach these men anytimes soon unless there is
some cert of culture change but I don't think that going to happen.
I have a chances of getting a girlfriend because I can go up and talk to a woman,
but I feel sorry for men who can't even do that and how they get insulted all the time for
not being able to approach a woman.


No where does the OP mention social anxiety.


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Kurgan
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14 Nov 2012, 6:59 pm

unduki wrote:
billiscool wrote:
since most women don't want to approach men and how shyness is view as ''weakness''.
So are shy men who are nervous around women just screwed?
What are they suppose to do?. Stay single and not have a relationship?
Some men are not just not good with women, period.
So should shy men just throw in towel becomes monk and live a celebacy lifestyle.
Women are not going to approach these men anytimes soon unless there is
some cert of culture change but I don't think that going to happen.
I have a chances of getting a girlfriend because I can go up and talk to a woman,
but I feel sorry for men who can't even do that and how they get insulted all the time for
not being able to approach a woman.


No where does the OP mention social anxiety.


It's extremely common in people with Asperger's.



unduki
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14 Nov 2012, 7:08 pm

Kurgan wrote:
unduki wrote:
billiscool wrote:
since most women don't want to approach men and how shyness is view as ''weakness''.
So are shy men who are nervous around women just screwed?
What are they suppose to do?. Stay single and not have a relationship?
Some men are not just not good with women, period.
So should shy men just throw in towel becomes monk and live a celebacy lifestyle.
Women are not going to approach these men anytimes soon unless there is
some cert of culture change but I don't think that going to happen.
I have a chances of getting a girlfriend because I can go up and talk to a woman,
but I feel sorry for men who can't even do that and how they get insulted all the time for
not being able to approach a woman.


No where does the OP mention social anxiety.


It's extremely common in people with Asperger's.


Why, yes it is.



AspieOtaku
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14 Nov 2012, 7:43 pm

Sometimes I feel like Kiff from futurama when it comes to asking a woman out.


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ManicDan
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14 Nov 2012, 9:41 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
Sometimes I feel like Kiff from futurama when it comes to asking a woman out.


i could see that. he does resemble the quiet and caring type.

to get around that there is only 1 change needed. you have to convince yourself that you are the better catch than the person you are going after. that is the basic idea in most "pick up artist" training guides.



unduki
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14 Nov 2012, 10:20 pm

I think the best way to find people to date is to get involved in a group hobby, club or activity, especially if it's something in which you excel. Its easier to have reasons to interact. It takes longer but I think you get better results.

Don't discount any new, platonic friendships, either. Everyone has a single friend or relative they can introduce to you and a lot of people enjoy matchmaking.


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