How Not to be a Creep

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I was referring to this quote:



It suggests that he was treated as some kind stalker, despite his intentions. I don't think he deserved that.

I feel bad for him but it wasn't really a situation where deserved or didn't deserve apply. His behavior was precisely stalker behavior even if it wasn't meant to be and it was the very early stages of that behavior - and it would have been problematic if he didn't understand it. He came away from that meeting with some understanding that he had really frightened this girl. He may have felt terrible, but ultimately he understood how seriously that sort of behavior was taken.

The thing is though, he wasn't given the tools to cope that kind of social interaction. They didn't give him support or resources to help improve his social skills, they merely condemned his behavior and stopped there. It took him years to get over his social phobia after that incident.

I don't have a problem with them looking into it, but I have a problem with how it was handled, before and after.

For one thing, what is wrong with parents and schools that they don't establish for kids that age a kind of etiquette or protocol outlining how one should approach someone and how not to. It's always assumed that kids just naturally know what to do about dating and so forth. But even kids who aren't autistic need guidance. You teach your kids to say please and thank you but not how to approach the girl or boy they like? That seems to me to be a huge lack in education, and one that obviously has to be overcome, because eventually nearly everyone gets to the point where they are interested in romance. I feel that I was entirely lacking, as a teen and young woman, in the knowledge I needed about this. I remember having crushes where I didn't know what to do, what was appropriate behavior to let a guy know I liked him. I was expected to just know. In my case, I was so withdrawn socially that I basically did nothing.

The first place I ever saw anyone educated as to how not to approach someone was in my workplace in sexual harassment training. That was the first place I ever saw this addressed educationally! I was already married by then, but it was still quite an eye opener as to what was acceptable and what wasn't.

It's kind of crazy. We had sex education in school, but nothing about dating etiquette.

You sure this is only based on communication skills and body language?

Yes. At least from the interview and the article, that is plausibly the case.

I don't think it's plausible in much of the U.S. for there to be public schools giving guidance on how to date to kids. I mean for all I know it's already happening HOWEVER I know in red states especially it would be called permitting and promoting underage sex/promiscuity.

I DO think autistic kids especially need some guidance in terms of what is appropriate behavior in every facet of life.

While I feel I'm fine now about having a healthy life in terms of relationships etc. when I was younger and I thought of sex as a recreational activity, older guys I hung out with were there just for that and looking back I think... ew. I slept with a dude literally twice my age before I was even halfway through high school. And I didn't understand then why that was wrong.

I had NO IDEA how to interact with my age group. I kind of let people use me in different ways so I could be around older people since I at least knew how to have conversations with those crowds. All the better people, of course, when they figured out my age, were very careful around me until I left high school and went to college two years early.

By then I shouldn't have had that kind of "dating" life and I sometimes wonder if that's why sex is so meaningless to me. I've hardly ever had a meaningful sex life, it's all been an exercise in instant gratification and while that's the opposite of a lot of autistics... I do wonder if it's all the sum of events like never having guidance as to how to go about that aspect of my life.


I don't know. I still can't date properly.

Then again, maybe my life has been perfectly OK in this regard as these events have all been under my control.

THIS. A creep is a creep is a creep, it doesn't matter if you don't have bad intentions, or if you don't feel like it's fair you're called a creep.

It's always your job to stop being the creep.

I'm speaking from my own experience here. In my case, I've gotten called creepy thousands of times for not even doing anything creepy. I've mentioned this before, but I've gotten called creepy for simply sitting in a library reading a book about cars before. Hell, I also got told that I look creepy in my sleep. IN MY SLEEP! I mean, I've faced so much of that crap that it doesn't even make me want to try to get out into the dating world anymore.

It does sound like you are surrounded by idiots. I don't know how else to describe my reaction to someone calling you creepy for reading or sleeping.

Ill switch the genders here just so you see why this statement sounds so bad.


A slut is a slut us a slut, it doesnt mattter if you dont actually sleep with many or if you feel like its unfair you're called a slut.
Its always your job to stop being the slut.

The story of that kid to me sounds like a perfect example of what society has been doing regarding its problems. That is not doing anything about them to actually get them fixed besides complaining. Everyone complains about unfairness, about issues, etc. But how many actually do something to get things fixed? Everyone complained about the little boy who everyone knew had a social interaction disorder, yet nobody bothered to help him. Why? Because its not their problem.

This story in truth has little to do with what is creepy and more to do with how sh***y people are starting to get.

Except the word slut is used to say you don't approve of someone's expression of their sexuality.

And creep is used to say you feel like someone is possibly a danger to you.

And I've been called both a slut and a creep. I feel no obligation to give a s**t if someone thinks I'm a slut because it isn't something I'm doing, it's something they believe I've done, away from them, in the past. And being called a creep in a social interaction means I'm making someone feel uncomfortable. I either need to change my behavior, or remove myself from the situation.

It's a false analogy.

no, its a perfect analogy because slut is considered one of the harshest words you can tell a woman and creep one of the harshest you can tell a man. And in both cases 99% of the time they are used when not necesary. Just because they dont mean the same thing doesnt mean they bring forth the same feelings.

And the whole idea that being a creep is based solely on making someone uncomfortable as ive said in other threads is 100% skepticism. Because the same person, with the same scenario can have 2 completely different reactions based on chance. Theres no real definition for what is creepy. well, besides thick glasses and beige trenchcoat. but still theres people that can pull off that costume and antics yet still be considered hot.