Am I missing the point?

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You go out with a guy (for over a year), and the guy says he doesn't have any feelings for you. You maturely decide that you are going to break up with him, because you want/feel different things, and that you *really* care for him, and when you care for someone, you want the best for them, even if that involves you not having that person in your life anymore. Right?

So the guy says that not having you in his life would be sad for him, (isn't that a feeling?) and asks if you can try and just be friends with him, taking sex out of the equation, like going out, and doing fun things together, and seeing how it goes.

Now, am I thick in the head, or is this conflicting information?

If most of your doing fun things together involves going to bars or things at night time...then yes it's likely going to be a FWB scenario.
On the other hand if he didn't have feelings for you I'm not sure why he didn't go to the let's just be friends thing sooner. Not much I can say without prying but I'm guessing as couples do....you did "it" regularly.

No, not bars, he suggested museums, galleries, parks, anything, during the day time, and that I could choose.

I said I didn't think being just friends would work, he was the one who brought out that card.

It confused me, as I think friends have feelings.

I told him it didn't make any sense to just be friends without the sex.

He insisted he would be sad if he was never to see me again.

Being "just friends" with an ex is difficult if not impossible.

Sounds like he's not really "feeling" the relationship but is not ready to let you go just yet.

Those sound like reasonable places to go and just hang as friends though I can understand where you're coming from it seems a difficult shift to make in this instance to go from a couple to friends just like that. Does he have any other female friends?

It sounds like he enjoys your company but can no longer handle (by choice) the rights and responsibilities that go along with something more involved.

Hugs. It's a sad position to be in, I'm sure.

Be grateful for his friendship, if you still enjoy his company and can find it within yourself to cut off romantic feelings for him.

I don't think he's being contradictory. Some people get too bored or anxiety-ridden (or anything in between) to continue a relationship the way it was.

No, he doesn't have any other female friends.

This makes sense, but it contradicts that he has no feelings for me. I can't dissociate my own feelings for him just like that.

Why wouldn't he just accept we don't see each other anymore? Wouldn't that be easier for him and me?

It would be easier for you yes. For him with no lady friends probably not.

A year's a pretty long time to see someone, if he doesn't have feelings for you now he probably never will. It's possible that what he means is that he cares for you and enjoys spending time with you, but he doesn't love you...but of course he's the only one who can answer that question. If you haven't already, you might want to sit down with him and just have a perfectly open and honest conversation about both of your thoughts on the relationship and what you both want out of it, and how you feel for each other.

JanuaryMan, aren't lady friends or man friends, the same, if you take the sex out of the equation?

Maybe he's a small bit confused at what love feels like?

I seem to remember recalling somewhere that sometimes the emotions associated with love tend to change as the relationship goes on; maybe he just isn't sure what the new feeling is, when it's simply another, further developed form of love?

They are, but hanging out with a woman is at least better than hanging out with no women. Perhaps I'm just getting more cynical with age but hey lol

I think you may have a point Zodal.

We did have a dispassionate conversation about it all (both aspies) and I challenged his stereotypical views on what he thought love (mine) was, and he said he never thought about it like that. I think he was very surprised that I was willing to let him go, if that made him happy, as for me that is what loving someone is all about. Wanting them to be happy with, or without you.

Although that's no easy feat.

In my opinion he wants things to continue just as they are now and if he has to pretend to just want friendship to get that to happen, he will.

He doesn't want the responsibility of a bf/gf relationship but he doesn't want what you have now to end.

I suggest you remain friends and make sure you definitely don't have sex (for a while) to test him out

I can guarantee he'll be wanting it still

I was in the exact same boat, several years ago. He was only the second guy I'd ever "been with," and after nearly a year of being in (what I thought was) a relationship, he told me that I should "probably find someone else to sleep with."

I loved him, and was in love with him, and was devastated. I decided that I couldn't handle being "just friends" with him, because my feelings for him were very deep.

He flipped out. He proceeded to rant and rave to mutual acquaintances that I was deliberately causing drama, and that I was being "immature." Really? I perceived it as trying to heal my still-open wounds by not having contact with the person who was (seemingly) trying to rub salt in them. I was actually very nearly suicidal after the "breakup" (in quotes, because it turned out that he only viewed me as a f*ckbuddy all along, when I considered him my bf/partner. But I digress...), and should have sought counseling at the time.

In the end, it was all about him. He was a selfish narcissist, whose only concern was not losing his playpal and confidant - my shattered heart and emotional distress meant nothing to him.

I understand all of this *now*, because it's been the m.o. of almost every guy I've known since. Thank f*ck for licensed psychologists, the ensuing years, and learning the hard way. Now, if only I knew what it is about me that always attracts sociopaths!