Losing my mind over the need for affection

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I don't go out...



Not sure, I can't tell...

That sounds real sad. Everyone deserves love.

i could think of lotsa folk who do NOT deserve one iota of love.

I am so lonely for a deep connection with someone I trust and understand. Also for touch. I have not been touched in years. I don't remember what it feels like to hold someone's hand. I long for meaningful affection. And that feeling crushes me sometimes.

My problem in college isn't even that I don't find girls attractive who are often doing things on their own.. it's just that I don't find many girls attractive.. and believe it or not my view has actually increased a LOT in the last few years.. but even then I still only find about 1 in 10 or 1 in 15 to be attractive.. and thats usually ruled out by their personality once I actually talk to them.. or find out they are about 17 on duel enrollment and thus are NOTHING I want anything to do with..

but here is some food for thought for you to consider- what if that hugging handholding love which may yet present itself to you, comes with conditions? like "i'll give you more loving if only you would cut your hair or get a better job or whatever?" wouldn't that take the niceness out of the hugs and handholding? i know it would for me.

Believe me, you're not the only one... I keep thinking I've found it, but whatever made me think that eventually fades. I never change the way I feel about someone, but they always change the way they feel about me, and I keep getting stuck in these relationships that feel completely devoid of any real love or affection coming from the other person. I should just end it, but I can't live by myself. I simply couldn't afford it, and I'd go insane. And living with my parents is absolutely NOT an option. I don't know that they'd even let me, and I don't want to. They've been a source of vast amounts of grief over the years... The thing is, I don't even WANT to leave... I just want things to go back to the way they were... I felt like I was on top of the world, as I always do when starting a new relationship, but something always f***s it up. I don't know if it's my fault or not, but whatever the reason, people just can't deal with me, apparently.

Sometimes I just wanna go to sleep and not wake up, because what's the damn point when everything I ever had to look forward to is gone, and there's nothing left anymore? And then even despite what's going on in my personal life, I HATE the fact that people around the world are in pain too... People who have no money, no food, no shelter, etc. I want us all to just live in peace and harmony, but that's never gonna happen. There's always some as*hole out there to ruin it.

I don't understand why I'm here... Why I'm stuck in this perpetual hellhole of a life. Sure, things could be worse, and I can rest assured that they WILL get worse. So I have a really hard time justifying my existence, and sometimes I really wish somebody would just come and shoot me... just put me out of my misery already. I'm sick and tired of searching endlessly for the one place, the one person in this world to whom I can just be myself and feel comfort with... I feel like everywhere I go, I'm constantly on edge, keeping an eye out for f*****g landmines, but no matter how many I step on, no matter how much I learn about what I can do to avoid them, it's like the damn things evolve. So I'm constantly stepping on them anyway... I just want to be able to be me and have someone f*****g accept everything that I am... But at this point I'm fairly certain that person doesn't exist. I hate my life, and I want off this damn planet.

I don't want another mother, but in a way, I want someone to care for me(not take care of me/wait on me hand and foot or anything like that) in the way a supportive parent would... When I am clearly depressed, it would be nice for the person I'm with to show signs of giving a s**t... Maybe a hug, back rub/pat, asking me what's bothering me, SOMETHING... Oh f**k it... Like everything else in life, this post is pointless.

Last edited by DerStadtschutz on 05 Mar 2013, 8:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

To be honest, probably half of guys at age 20 are virgins. Most men exagerrate.

Don't give up man, I don't know who you are, but I believe that you can find someone.

It's happened to a lot of people, why not you?

I think that's funny and true. Same thing happened with me with platonic friendships. I don't need them anymore, but I appreciate them when they come around. Don't care if they aren't around. It's not quite the same with romantic stuff yet, although it's much easier to tolerate than it used to be.

you're doing much better than i did at your age IOW you're no dummy

I don't mean to blow smoke on your reasonable depressive state... but you're only 20?! ! Wait another fifteen years, then you'll really start to panic. You aren't alone as you think you are, even among NT's.

I don't think 50% is accurate. I'm horribly socially inadequate, I have no friends and I spend 99.9% of my time alone when I'm single (the 0.01% is with my mom).. and I've been with a few women.

Of course, most of the women I've been with involved lowering my standards pretty significantly, and I seem to always attract those with daddy issues. I seemed to have broken that streak recently, but I had suffered so much scarring from the messed up ones before her that I was unable to open up to her until after we had broken up.. and it's probably too late now.

SO, with all that said.. OP, and whoever else is longing for companionship, you're better off waiting for the right one.

And that's why I don't have it... because I don't have someone in my life who loves me for who I am.

too bad you're not within driving distance of olympia, you'd find people [in my group] who would definitely accept you for who you are.

I'm skeptical.

I am slowly losing the desire for companionship/affection as well and i'm only 21, I've been hurt and scarred. But they say it's a numbers game so you can't give up. The reason everyone dresses up and acts like they do is because everyone only wants the best or is trying to act the best they can because society is messed up.

But in contrary to what I'm saying when I go out I see girls with makeup caked all over their faces flirting with the most arrogant, uneducated guys. So I have to either choose to try and socialize with these types of people or not do anything at all.

I've even stopped going out lately, haven't been out in probably 2 months. I am even starting to think I won't find anyone at all.