What do men want?

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Do you like women who like to drink and like to see them get drunk?
No preference to the first, and absolutely no to the second. I don't have anything against alcohol consumption, particularly on things like quality wine or beers, as a tasty drink and subtle social enabler. However, whenever I hear or see people (women or men) who gulp down gallons of cheap beer or pound shots of hard liquor, red flags immediately raise up and I want nothing to do with them. I have seen what alcoholics are capable of, and it is not pretty.

Do you like to see women in tight clothing? I have seen various music videos where the women are very pretty, skinny, and wear tight clothing or seductive intimates.
Not particularly. It is, I suppose, aesthetically pleasing to see the curvature of a woman's body, but I don't think good curves are in any way indicative of or correlative toward relationship potential. Plus, as was mentioned, I wouldn't really respect that person; it comes across as someone desperate for attention from horny guys, and that isn't the kind of person I'd want a relationship with.

Where would you take a woman for your first date?
Depends on our common interests. If we share interests in film, I'd take her to dinner and then to a movie. If we share interests in hiking, I'd take her to breakfast or lunch and then to an easy or moderate difficulty hike. If we share interests in certain intellectual topics, I'd take her to a comfortable sit-down place (coffee shop, probably) and then stay there for hours talking about those topics while talking about more socially oriented things as well.

Basically, I don't care about the formalities of dating. I'm more interested in enjoying quality time with my date and being in an environment that facilitates quality conversation.

Is intimacy really important on the first date?
This depends on the guy, but for me it is not. I regard the first date as informational in nature. I absorb information about the person and about how we communicate with each other: does the conversation flow? Do we have a lot in common? Could I see myself enjoying this person's regular company?

I have yet to encounter intimate dates so I do not know when I would put the first intimate date on a timeline, but I would imagine that guys interested in intimacy from the get go are probably more interested in sex than in something long term. I desire the latter.

here's the thing.

there is no correlation between a woman is dressed and whether she will be raped.

there is also no correlation between how a woman is dressed and whether she will be sexually harassed.
http://scholarship.law.duke.edu/cgi/vie ... text=djglp

so you are incorrect in your assumption that the way women dress leads to... any actual *trouble*. it could lead to men looking at them or giving them catcalls or trying to pick them up (but that also happens to women who are also... not dressed provocatively, interestingly).

you need to check your assumptions, because you're perpetuating some major misinformation. it's fine if you don't want to date someone who dresses in a certain way, but it is erroneous to believe that women who dress that way have a higher incidence of actual trouble from men.

there is no reason for women to stop dressing like that since it doesn't CAUSE the trouble in the first place.

Last edited by hyperlexian on 10 Mar 2013, 5:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I most certainly would keep wearing my makeup, high heels and dress sense. In fact, I do it already at my home, in my own privacy even when I have absolutely no plans of going out or any chance to be seen by anyone.

Your image is very distorted... It's flattering to get positive (and respectful) attention from both men and women when it comes to one's appearance (or any characteristic, really), but I don't know ANY woman who would dress up just for the sake of male attention. Do you honestly think that women themselves can't get satisfaction from looking to a mirror and feel beautiful and know that they take care of themselves? Every woman has the right to feel beautiful in their own manner of preference and love themselves as women and individuals. That has very little to do with drooling men. Besides, on appearances alone, women themselves are far more critical to themselves and other women than men are.

Putting effort to one's appearance is NOT anti-feminist or encouraging rape culture either. I'm openly a feminist and I love putting effort to create a style that pleases my own tastes. Personally, I love classic feminine look with high heels, pencil skirts, corsets, powder, red lipstick etc. (think Dita von Teese for instance), but I strongly dislike the typical TOWIE look with too much skin, plastic and fake tan. We can talk about what is tasteful and what kind of image we want to convey, but the important point is that no type of clothing allows breaking one's physical immunity.

Some people (men and women) have more prejudices with looks and appearances, but that doesn't make them justified and will absolutely not justify disrespectful behaviour towards these people. I don't really understand making points about how "real world works"... Jumping into a bandwagon of idiocy doesn't do any favours to anyone. I'd rather people were the change that they want to present.

Excellent post!

These statistics are very true, a number of other researches on the same subject have come up with exactly the same results.

In the interest of giving this thread a do-over...

Disclaimer: I'm in my 30s and may have answers that reflect no sense of values, or even reality, other than my own



No problem when a woman's comfortable drinking. More of a problem with a woman who's intoxicated beyond her own control, and isn't really herself anymore.



All things equal I guess I'd prefer to see a well prepared appearance, including clothing. For me, a revealing outfit that was chosen sloppily makes a person unappealing, but a discreet outfit that was picked out well can be.



There's no one answer to that. I can foresee even unlikely things, such as bringing a woman shopping to a butcher shop, a gun range, or a parole hearing. Hopefully said hypothetical parole hearing isn't mine or hers!



Not absolutely. Whether it is on a given date, and to what extent, depends on the persons involved.

It depends on which society we're talking about, in a typical Western society or western-like, I think revealing clothes just increase the incidents of silly comments (ie. *Whistle*, yoohoo sexy!!) but not necessarily make her more vulnerable to rape or serious sexual assault. Ultra-conservative societies like KSA, Pakistan, India etc.. have high rates of rapes despite their conservative dress codes - so yea, covering clothes don't prevent rapes/assaults.

However, wearing something revealing n Saudi Arabia wouldn't make many men there to see it as open invitation for sex or even worse? Lol

Most interesting, I know for most, a date is more to do with emotion and feeling. I think an NT person is more likely to rate the date on how they felt rather than exchanging valuable information. As I said, I think the intimacy part doesn't need rushing but for many, it seals the question of wondering "does this person fancy me?"

No, I think the same way and I'm female

Women who dress in a sexual manner and then have a problem with sexual attention off mean are being naive in the extreme

Well this is my ideal girl in appropriate form. That doesn't mean she has to fit all of these.


-Face is attractive or at least average looking and a decent body.

-Someone who is friendly, and also somewhat an extrovert since I am a shy guy.

-Someone who is fun to be around

-Someone who is intelligent

-Has a nice smile

-Is a nice person.

-Someone who doesn't care what other people say about her. Someone who is somewhat non-conformist.

-Someone who likes the same thing I do. Has same interests.


-I would like someone close to my height. 4 ft 11 to 5 ft 4 since I am a pretty short guy myself (5 ft 2) But I would be willing to date taller woman if height was the only obstacle and much taller woman were willing to date me.


-Someone who doesn't smoke.


-Someone who is around my age.

But, the topic here is correlation between how a woman is dressed and whether she will snag a man.

Would you suggest that a woman dress sexily for this purpose, or not?

Yup. Where I grew up, it was either really hot in the summer or near a beach, so it was normal for most women to wear skimpy, but casual clothes like little shorts, short sundresses, bare midriffs and tank tops. It didn't mean anything or increase risk of anything. It was just regular attire. Never noticed guys making a big deal about it either way, who were usually wearing scandalously sagging jeans showing off that ass and those tight, muscle showing wifebeater tanks.

i would advise the OP to dress however she feels most comfortable and feels that she looks most attractive because trying to attract the majority of men won't help attract the *right* man for her. whether that is a miniskirt or sweatpants, she should wear whatever she feels best in. it is a good filter for attracting the men who will like her for who she is.

Last edited by luvsterriers on 10 Mar 2013, 7:07 pm, edited 3 times in total.

It might be semantics, but I'd actually argue emotion is a type of information. Information is just a piece of data that fulfills a particular purpose. That last question (could I see myself enjoying this person's regular company?) is a question of emotional information: do I enjoy this person's company, and will that positive emotion be long lasting?

It probably has more to do with how I process dating rituals than anything. Logic and emotion are not as distinct as people make it out to be, actually. More often than not, emotion overrides logic, but with Aspies that think that overriding process is a lot slower or a lot less pronounced, which is why Aspies tend to be so logically-minded. But since we DO feel emotion, we are in a unique position to try and make the two complement each other.

For instance, in a date, if the person is sexy and triggers positive emotions, but has no self-sufficiency, has been married 10 times in the past, and mentioned regular drug use, the logical side can aid the emotional side by steering it away from falling into what would be an emotional calamity down the road. On the same token, if all the logical criteria about a person seem right, but conversation is completely awkward and the interaction is emotionally draining as a result, the emotional side can aid the logical side by steering it away from a relationship that would obviously fail at the emotional level.

Again, it might just be semantics. I don't know if NT's, or even other Aspies, look at dating as I do.



This is a good point, and I can attest to that difficulty in judging "informational" dates. The problem with intimacy on first dates is that it is largely a cultural minefield. Without information, you don't know what socio-cultural expectation the other person has regarding the practice, and a misstep here can jeopardize what otherwise could have been a quality relationship all due to a mere misunderstanding.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=maJ_NWlf6jU

This video is kinda disturbing in a way to me. I am not sure if Rihanna did this music video BEFORE Chris Brown physically abused her or AFTER.
Also most of Pitbull's music videos show thin, pretty, tons of makeup type of women. Also they are wearing seductive clothing. G strings, thongs, some are semi nude. I just think that maybe if I dressed like that then men would ask me out like crazy. I'm not Latina like the women. I'm bi racial. Korean/White. I don't wear tons of makeup, but some eye makeup. I'm not overweight. I'm 5'4, 126 pounds. His music videos may be a little too much, but I still like his music. He's not only hot but his music is great for zumba.



I would like that too. Virginia Opera would be nice or maybe something at my local college. The whole movie/restaurant thing is fine but that's blah. I majored in music in college (piano/voice)

(beating around bush)
I heard this term before but not sure what it means. You would want sex with a woman on your first date?

The girls in the Rihanna video look like they are dressed for Halloween. I just looked at one Pitbull video--I don't know how representative it was, but the ladies seemed tastefully dressed.


You sound gorgeous (half-Asians almost invariably are).



A fellow has to navigate cautiously, to avoid being accused of rape. But, I think that most guys would be delighted if things went that way. I can't speak for everyone. There is also a school of thought that guys lose interest if the woman puts out too quickly.