What am I supposed to talk to girls about?

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OK, today I tried talking to a girl at the rink. I tried telling her some skating tips. She didn't seem too interested, so I stopped after 2-3 short times just giving her skating advice. Like, how am I supposed to introduce myself to a girl I don't know, and what do I use as a conversation starter. Like with a male friend, I can talk to them and ask them about like...their favorite brand of instant macaroni and cheese, or motor oil or something, and build like a bit of a rapport, but then I can't talk about like...stuff, with girls. Also, girls seem to all be like super shy and not open to talk at all. My sister observed me trying to talk to this girl, and after I told her what I said here, she said a girl even if she likes you won't initiate conversation with you even if you've talked to her before. So I'm like totally screwed here. Usually I judge people not hating me on their ability to like, initiate conversation with me (as long as it's not hostile.)

So what do I do? What is a proper example script for talking to a girl besides giving them instruction about something/telling them you like X brand motor oil when you're shopping at Walmart and they're looking at motor oil?

you can always compliment the way they wear their hair or the color they choose to wear if you actually like it. ("that _______ looks good on you.")

before giving advice, i'd ask, "would you like another opinion on motor oil, some tips on skating?" advice is tricky. most folks only want it when they ask for it.

and you can ask a girl how she likes her mac and cheese, or what her favorite subject is/was at school, or what she does for fun. if you're lucky, she'll like what you like and then you'll have a ready-made conversation.

I don't know, cathylynn. approaching a woman and talking to her about macorini and cheese. i haven't tried it, but i have my doubts.

also, i'm not sure if complimenting how she looks would be appropriate for a first time conversation. how do you expect her to respond? oh, thanks?

Instead of offering them advice, try asking for it. There are a few rules I use that help conversation flow more smoothly. The most important of which is that questions should outnumber statements.

People really like talking about themselves and the things they are interested in; give them the opportunity to do so and they are far more likely to enjoy the conversation and, by extension, your company.

I compliment strangers all the time, but maybe I only get away with it because i'm female. yes, the response is, "thanks." then you can ask where she got whatever and comment on her answer. "oh, one of my favorite stores." or " I never go there because they don't treat their workers well."

the asking for advice is great, though. works in the supermarket as well.

Last edited by cathylynn on 12 Mar 2013, 8:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

This. ^

Questions make discussions open-ended. Statements close conversations.

Also, a woman would rather feel flattered (in a good way) than lectured.

Was she a complete stranger or someone you somewhat knew or had seen around before? With a complete stranger, really the only acceptable way to break the ice is to make conversation based upon a shared experience or event. For example, say a girl does some skating move that you've been working on but haven't been able to perfect (I know nothing about skating btw), you could go up to her and ask her how she managed to master it, and see if she has any tips for you. I think that offering tips out of the blue will not be received well at all by total strangers, since it's kind of condescending, unless you can see that they're really struggling or they look kind of scared to be skating (even then I'd be hesitant to suggest it). I can't skate for anything, but I know I'd be pretty put-off if someone I didn't know tried to offer me skating tips out of the blue.

If it's someone you've seen there before or kind of know, you could start off saying "Hey, haven't I seen you here before? I'm _______, nice to meet you!" And then go on to ask how long she's been skating, how she got into it, etc...and mention the same things about yourself. If the two of you have similar interests, then that gives the both of you a whole world of things to discuss!

Not maybe, it's certainly. And since you are, you have never been in a position of a guy approaching a girl.

Plus, complimenting physical stuff (hair, clothes..etc) at the beginning might be taken as harassment unless 1000knives is a celeb-like drop-dead gorgeous, horrible advice and a recipe for troubles. I completely advice against this one with a complete stranger.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 13 Mar 2013, 2:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

As a guy I wouldn't be very motivated to get to know somebody who suddenly wanted to ask me about macaroni, either... So I wouldn't make the distinction between guys and girls, or at least a really sharp one. Maybe if it was reasonable to mention macaroni (like spending time at a restaurant), I'd comment on it and not feel something's fishy.

Being useful and having practical tips and instructions is valuable indeed, but you should find the right occasion to show it and try not to be overbearing. Is the person even interested in hearing the tips? Use ping pong style conversation to discover that slowly.

Perhaps more importantly, pay attention to how you say things (body language, gestures, intonation, rhythm) than what you say. Deaf-mute people can hook up just fine without words. Granted, awareness of all these elements outside of speech and content isn't our strong point, but try making it your special interest, so that you eventually you can give people tips on how to talk to girls. Girls are a more complicated device so it will be more challenging.

The key to talking to women is to ask the right questions, and just shut up and listen.

haha clever play with words there.

this is pure gold, right here. it makes you vulnerable as opposed to being the expert in the situation. giving advice (i.e. at the skating rink) right off the bat comes across as arrogant but asking for advice comes across as "geee awww shucks i'm a lost puppy why don't you help me find my way?"

people want to feel valued and listened to. hopefully the other person will reciprocate and also ask questions, so it balances out.

Last edited by hyperlexian on 13 Mar 2013, 7:30 am, edited 1 time in total.

yeah but if they are stand-off'ish. Doesn't matter how many questions you ask, probably making it worse by asking more and more. I think I have a problem not knowing when something is personal, because I might just get slapped with the "creepy" label if I ask something too personal. I don't know how long it takes before I am allowed to ask more personal questions and when it gets boring when asking too many vague, indirect everyday questions.

asking for advice on how to do a skating move is different from.. i dunno, asking a woman about where she gets her hair cut. as an ice breaker, asking her for advice or assistance shows that you are willing to be open to hear her opinion.

another one i have observed men doing is asking women for advice in clothing stores, either in the women's department ("i am buying this bag for my sister but i don't know if it is fashionable, what do you think?"), or the men's department ("i don't know if this tie matches this belt. what's your opinion?")

once you are actually really talking to a person, that's where more personal questions come into play, and there are different ideas that can work for that.

Actually I've done what cathylynn suggested many times and it nearly always works. It has never gotten me a girlfriend yet, but it is an easy way of getting a woman to be willing to talk to you. I am at the point now where it isn't very hard for me to make conversation with women, but it is still very difficult to make it go anywhere (I suppose I have always been at this point with men, but I never cared about that).

You have to be careful about complementing a girl's looks. You always have to complement something that you don't actually care about (if your tastes are like mine), like something she wears rather than the shape of some body part. I think that has something to do with the fact that a woman can change what she wears but not how she looks.

Sure, while complimenting a woman on what she's wearing or her hair is better than doing nothing, there are still better things to say.