Bipolar and Asperger's....can a relationship work long-term?

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bombergal
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24 Mar 2013, 10:17 am

I am dating someone with bipolar disorder and have been a little frustrated lately because he's in a depression. It's beginning to impact on our relationship as he has low energy and feels stuck in his life right now. I feel bad because I blew up at him this morning because I'm not getting what I need sometimes out of our relationship. I know we're not going to get married because we both need our times to be alone (myself especially so) and I also know he is the right man for me.

We love each other dearly and I couldn't imagine life without him but there's times I get very frustrated and it's not very fair to him because he has severe bipolar and is limited in terms of the jobs he can do (sleep is an issue for him). I on the other hand have a full-time permanent music teaching career and have defied a lot of odds (sounds like we couldn't be more opposite if we tried) and have never taken medications. Any words of advice? I really want this to work because he is my best friend and the love of my life.



Tyri0n
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24 Mar 2013, 12:13 pm

Don't know what to say, really. I may very well have something like bipolar, and I tried dating an HFA girl. Sometimes, the lack of empathy and the undying logic was frustrating, and it didn't work out partly for these reasons. Is he getting it treated?



rabbittss
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24 Mar 2013, 12:25 pm

It's going to be very difficult, but what did we learn in kindergarten about difficult things?

When you accomplish them they feel so much better.

So, I'd say stick with it.



bombergal
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24 Mar 2013, 1:16 pm

Yes he's heavily medicated but brain chemistry is a real mystery. ...he is severely bipolar and has been hospitalized a few times because of manic and sometimes depressive episodes. I want to stick with him because I really do love him and he loves me. :)



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24 Mar 2013, 1:19 pm

bombergal wrote:
I am dating someone with bipolar disorder and have been a little frustrated lately because he's in a depression. It's beginning to impact on our relationship as he has low energy and feels stuck in his life right now. I feel bad because I blew up at him this morning because I'm not getting what I need sometimes out of our relationship. I know we're not going to get married because we both need our times to be alone (myself especially so) and I also know he is the right man for me.

We love each other dearly and I couldn't imagine life without him but there's times I get very frustrated and it's not very fair to him because he has severe bipolar and is limited in terms of the jobs he can do (sleep is an issue for him). I on the other hand have a full-time permanent music teaching career and have defied a lot of odds (sounds like we couldn't be more opposite if we tried) and have never taken medications. Any words of advice? I really want this to work because he is my best friend and the love of my life.


First, try to get him out of the house, if only for a short walk. Second, have him see his primary care physician for a complete physical work up to see if there are any physical issues (thyroid, adrenal, metabolic, etc.). If the GP tries to prescribe antidepressants or antipsychotics, firmly, but politely refuse the offer, as GP's are not trained in behavioral health issues.

I see he is already seeing a psychiatrist. Does he also see a psychologist, a counselor, or your cleric for talk therapy? If so, make sure insurance will pay for it, as it is expensive. If not, see if you can find a therapist that will work on a sliding scale basis, or, if you are near a college or university that have a clinical psychology program,where you might be able to get psychological services for no charge.



bombergal
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24 Mar 2013, 3:52 pm

I feel like it's my responsibility to make him happy and it's really hard on me too. I also have trouble knowing what another person is feeling and sometimes make harsh comments not thinking. He told me (not accusingly) that I wasn't being fair to him in telling him to cheer up. I have trouble getting him to exercise since he's always so tired.



uwmonkdm
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24 Mar 2013, 3:56 pm

This sounds like the situation I was in just over a year ago, except I was the depressed one, in addition to having AS... dealing with a purely NT psychopath/pathological liar.
It clearly did not end well, and I don't see how it could for you either to be quite honest with you.

This happens too often these days; someone is miserable and hates themselves, so they look for someone to make them happy. It works for a while, but when "real life" comes back, they get depressed and hate themselves again.. but they now have an emotional connection with someone.
Just not a good situation.