Why is it impossible for an ugly man to be desired?

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lostonearth35
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26 Mar 2013, 12:16 pm

If a person doesn't have what is stereotypically superficially attractive features, they usually win people over with things like high intelligence and positive personality traits. Looks aren't really that important to me but I have to be honest, a guy who's teeth look like he came from a country where toothbrushes and toothpaste were forbidden by law, or long nostril hairs with boogers clinging to them is going to have a hard making me look directly at him. :lol: Seriously though, this who gender comparison debate thing is going to go on forever and I'm pretty much sick of it. I wish I were thin and more attractive but not because I don't never get asked out or anything. In fact I don't want a romantic relationship and may not be physically able to enjoy one. I just want to be able to look in the mirror and not want to cry. :(



IlovemyAspie
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26 Mar 2013, 12:18 pm

Who_Am_I wrote:
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Men need to be the perfect Channing Tatum, 6'2, chiseled abs, cute face, good jaw, masculine, and if they don't have that, they will die alone and unloved.


This is nonsense; there are plenty of men who are not like that who are happily married.


UTTER NONSENSE!



Stargazer43
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26 Mar 2013, 1:03 pm

Women do judge men for their looks far more harshly than they they say they do, but that doesn't mean anything else in your post is true. (I remember reading a study not long ago where women ranked 80% of men as below average in attractiveness)

I feel bad saying this, but I can think of a few friends of mine who are, quite frankly, really ugly. But here's the kicker: they are all in successful, long-term, and very happy relationships. There are women out there, and men as well, who will go for nothing less than a supermodel. However the vast majority of people aren't quite as shallow, and seek a partner who has a good combination of looks and emotional connection. Typically people go for partners that are similar to themselves. This is true of both sexes, and I really don't think there's that much of a disparity at all between the sexes in terms of preferences on physical attractiveness.

Also as some people have mentioned, if you view yourself as ugly, people will see you as ugly. It's almost a self-fulfilling prophecy. However, if you view yourself as a desirable individual with many unique qualities to offer, then other people will pick up on that perception as well. That doesn't mean that every woman you meet will be groveling at your feet for your attention, but it does mean that you will get a lot more respect and consideration, from people of both sexes.



IlovemyAspie
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26 Mar 2013, 1:09 pm

^^^^well stated :thumright:



FMX
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26 Mar 2013, 1:13 pm

I think it's true that looks are important to many women, just as they are to many men - we shouldn't be surprised by that. But I've also seen many ugly men in relationships with good-looking women, so that can't be it. A few people mentioned money and I think that plays a part, but I don't think it's money directly. Maybe it's power or status? I don't know, but it's not just "money". Would many women find Bill Gates attractive? I doubt it. He looks like a classic nerd (and is one) and acts like a classic aspie (oh, wait, he probably is one, too). Sure, they may have a rational desire to marry him for his money, but that's not the same as being attracted to him.

P.S. Off-topic, but the girl in AspieOtaku's video is seriously cute!



aspiesandra27
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26 Mar 2013, 1:24 pm

lostonearth35 wrote:
If a person doesn't have what is stereotypically superficially attractive features, they usually win people over with things like high intelligence and positive personality traits. Looks aren't really that important to me but I have to be honest, a guy who's teeth look like he came from a country where toothbrushes and toothpaste were forbidden by law, or long nostril hairs with boogers clinging to them is going to have a hard making me look directly at him. :lol: Seriously though, this who gender comparison debate thing is going to go on forever and I'm pretty much sick of it. I wish I were thin and more attractive but not because I don't never get asked out or anything. In fact I don't want a romantic relationship and may not be physically able to enjoy one. I just want to be able to look in the mirror and not want to cry. :(


^^^^

This



Cuckooflower
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26 Mar 2013, 2:45 pm

It isn't impossible.

Ugly is at least partly subjective in all cases, and it is such a shame that people think they cannot be desired at all because of how they look.

I have seen many people on this forum post something like this.

Everyone can be desirable. You can change your looks up to a point as well.

The extent to which your looks affect your desirability is also subject to change. The person that you are plays into it all. How could it not?


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Cafeaulait
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26 Mar 2013, 2:51 pm

IlovemyAspie wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
Quote:
Men need to be the perfect Channing Tatum, 6'2, chiseled abs, cute face, good jaw, masculine, and if they don't have that, they will die alone and unloved.


This is nonsense; there are plenty of men who are not like that who are happily married.


UTTER NONSENSE!


UTTERLY RIDICULOUS NONSENSE.

crazy



MjrMajorMajor
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26 Mar 2013, 2:54 pm

spongy wrote:
If we went by what people of both genders on this forum say in threads:
-All males are expected to look like models
-All females are expected to look like models
If you dont do so then thats your problem and you may consider killing yourself so that we can achieve our model looking population dream sooner.


Too true. When presented with pages of evidence otherwise, it all falls to the wayside because it doesn't fit into their worldview. :?



goldfish21
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26 Mar 2013, 3:12 pm

I agree w/ others here. There are women out there attracted to every type of guy there is just like different men are attracted to women's various builds & physical traits.

Money, power, status - all those things help some. But even without them, intelligence, personality, a sense of humour, being healthy & hygienic, dressing well for your body type etc all can be played to their various advantages with those you'd like to attract.

And as someone else pointed out, thinking & feeling you're ugly is not going to come across as confident and attractive. If you're confident in yourself, you'll attract others. It really is that simple. Confidence is one thing that should probably be put closer to the top of the list of attractive traits, as even "ugly," (imo, but that's completely subjective) out of shape unhealthy people who are very confident in themselves seem to have no problem attracting others. Low self esteem and depression and anxiety etc, even if not verbally expressed, are shown in your body language, posture, facial expressions, eyes and so on - making some people a lot less attractive to others than their physical aesthetics would account for.

I think the OP would benefit most from figuring out how to improve his own sense of self image greater than just about anything else he could do. Aside from that, if you're not healthy, get healthy. If you're unhygienic, clean yourself up & maintain yourself better. If you dress in ill fitting worn out dirty clothes, change that.


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26 Mar 2013, 3:27 pm

If your personality isn't a shiny star, the best happy all you can be on the grocery rack, you're screwed.



Ravenfeather1
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29 Mar 2013, 4:10 pm

Ok, now i like LOOKING at tall men with chiseled abs and jaw, but i talk to everyone. I mean i have conversations. I like people. Scientifically speaking, we are coded to hunt for the best physical features for reproduction. The hard part is that not everyone is intelligent, even if they are pretty. I didnt choose my husband based on looks, i chose him because we could (a long time ago in a land far far away) have conversations. From a scientific stand point, he has a short jaw and no chin and is going bald. Not pretty. But funny,smart, and intelligent. He is also taller than me and that helps. :D .

Beauty is relative. Shallowness is a state of mind, not gender specific. I personally dont like pretty boys. They seem to be full of themselves. Maybe most people dont take in the larger picture which includes "can i live with this person", not just "can i bed them".



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29 Mar 2013, 4:33 pm

Ravenfeather1 wrote:
Ok, now i like LOOKING at tall men with chiseled abs and jaw, but i talk to everyone. I mean i have conversations. I like people. Scientifically speaking, we are coded to hunt for the best physical features for reproduction. The hard part is that not everyone is intelligent, even if they are pretty. I didnt choose my husband based on looks, i chose him because we could (a long time ago in a land far far away) have conversations. From a scientific stand point, he has a short jaw and no chin and is going bald. Not pretty. But funny,smart, and intelligent. He is also taller than me and that helps. :D .

Beauty is relative. Shallowness is a state of mind, not gender specific. I personally dont like pretty boys. They seem to be full of themselves. Maybe most people dont take in the larger picture which includes "can i live with this person", not just "can i bed them".

proves face_of_boo and my point.



Ilka
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29 Mar 2013, 6:10 pm

I do agree. Most women judge based on appearance. But most men do the same. But I think that depends on the people you surround yourself with, because not everybody does that. When I fell in love with my husband I did not like him physically. He is not precisely handsome and he was extremely overweight. And unemployed. But I fell for him. For who he is not for how he looks. And 18 years later we are still married. But he did engage in conversation with me because he liked the way I looked. So... there you go... And by the way my husband's grandfather was Asian.



JanuaryMan
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29 Mar 2013, 6:30 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:
Women do judge men for their looks far more harshly than they they say they do, but that doesn't mean anything else in your post is true. (I remember reading a study not long ago where women ranked 80% of men as below average in attractiveness)

I feel bad saying this, but I can think of a few friends of mine who are, quite frankly, really ugly. But here's the kicker: they are all in successful, long-term, and very happy relationships. There are women out there, and men as well, who will go for nothing less than a supermodel. However the vast majority of people aren't quite as shallow, and seek a partner who has a good combination of looks and emotional connection. Typically people go for partners that are similar to themselves. This is true of both sexes, and I really don't think there's that much of a disparity at all between the sexes in terms of preferences on physical attractiveness.

Also as some people have mentioned, if you view yourself as ugly, people will see you as ugly. It's almost a self-fulfilling prophecy. However, if you view yourself as a desirable individual with many unique qualities to offer, then other people will pick up on that perception as well. That doesn't mean that every woman you meet will be groveling at your feet for your attention, but it does mean that you will get a lot more respect and consideration, from people of both sexes.


Post of the thread :)