Does "Let's just be friends" exist between aspies?

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I know I've had this problem plenty of times with NT girls. I try to treat them right, but they don't consider me as a boyfriend simply because I've been too nice to them. Isn't care supposed to be an important part of relationships? And shouldn't people start out as friends before becoming lovers? Is there such thing as a "friend zone" for people with AS? In other words, do people with AS put others in the "friend zone"?

yes, they will start out by saying things like, "I cannot lie" "I am logical"

I suppose it can, I wouldn't say it isn't possible to be that way towards NT women but then again kids these days have little to no control over emotions. I got two NT girls who are friends easy though when you know them and I am 100% sure I would not be able to stand them at all in a relationship.

The idea of wanting to get to know someone before dating them is really not possible it might work in special circumstances.

No girl will ever break up with a guy simply because he's "too nice." That's just silly. What was the actual reason? Is it possible they simply aren't romanticaly attracted to you instead?

Sounds to me you might have a case of Chronic Nice Guy Syndrome:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.p ... 20syndrome

It's not incurable but untill you get over it you will be hopeless with girls, kiddo.

This is the exact strategy I used. I am not a "shotgun dater"; where you date a lot of people and hope to find a match. I became friends with women, and observed their behavior and personality before ever deciding if I would ask them out or not.

I was "friend zoned" several times. It just means they are not interested in you romantically. It is common for affections to not be returned. It may hurt, but it is nothing personal. The ones to watch out for are the ones who are aware you are fond of them, yet never give a clear indication in return. Do not be helpful to these types, they're often (not always!) playing your affections to get help with things. That's a trap to be avoided at all cost; it's a miserable condition.

Well it doesn't exist for me, because if I'm romantically attracted to somebody and they just want to be friends, I won't make friends with them, full stop. Such friendships are unworkable and always end badly.

I think he means he's too passive. For some reason, "nice" on WP is code for "serial killer in denial" or something. At this rate, instead of being nice to women, we should all aspire to be impulsive and demanding. And she better like it if she knows what's good for her. Anything but being nice! Aspie feelings are evil!

Smart approach...

I know this comment was in jest, but I hear it often from younger guys. I had this mindset for a while. Around age 20 or 21, perhaps. I legitimately tried to be a callous, stand-offish, rude jerk since that was what everyone I was attracted to seemed attracted to.

The challenge with this strategy is that the people who are seeking the pattern you're displaying are typically damaged goods themselves. They usually have some serious issues to work through before they're ready for an adult relationship. I quickly realized this was probably an age-related issue, and started looking towards older women. That had separate challenges, but was more effective for compatibility.

That phase--me wearing "jerk"--didn't last long. Besides being ineffective, that personae was significantly more physically taxing to maintain than my nice-guy personae.

Nobody said that being nice was a flaw. I sure as hell didn't.

It's not a virtue either. It's literally the bare minimum required to be a decent human being. Nobody deserves jack sh** for just being nice. Not sex, not a medal, not even a compliment or a thank you. Look at this cartoon illustration of my point:

The guy isn't losing because he's "nice." He's losing because that's the only thing he has to offer. If being "nice" is the best thing you have going for you, you're either incredibly boring or not actually the slightest bit nice.

Oh no, not the toffee apples fighting for the line of coke again. The guy isn't losing, he's waving goodbye to them for being so stupid in the first place. He'll tear the label from his head then, and rebel against Halloween.

How many men here have ever said to a woman "let's just be friends"?

Nope?

Thought not. So, really you haven't got that perspective of being in that position. Try it.

Let's just be friends.

Not on me, numbnuts!

So let's just be friends.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 24 Oct 2013, 1:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Why don't you just stomp on my heart while you're at it, you ****tease!

You and your parrot, let's just be friends.