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RightSide
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28 Apr 2013, 3:20 pm

Hi everyone!

So, as I say it in all my posts, I have Asperger. I normally don't do any kind of effort to meet new people because it's hard for me to act like a normal person. However, recently I met a girl. She is shy, but she is interesting enough. I have been trying to act very confident without being arrogant (I do have reasons to be confident, so why not?) and being playful around her. We already had our first date (I invited her to go on a walk with me).
Today I asked her to go on a dinner with me. She said no. I ask her why and she only said that she normally only go out on a dinner with large social groups. Of course that this left me close to depression. However, since I had nothing to lose I ask her if she wanted to go on a walk again, instead of the dinner. I also made it clear that I was trying to know her better. She said yes.
This lefted me with many doubts. I don't know if she's only being nice to me or if she just want to be a friend of mine or if she is real interested on me but she's to shy to accept more personal invitations.

Please help me.
Thanks!



billiscool
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28 Apr 2013, 3:42 pm

I've never done good with shy girls myself either. I can't tell the difference between a girl who is shy vs a girl who is not interest.



cakey
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28 Apr 2013, 4:02 pm

It is hard to tell what a shy person is thinking or really wants. For example, many times I like someone but I always turnede away from them or avoided them because liking them made me more shy around them. I'm sure they took it that I found them repulsive, which wasn't true. I just know that as for myself, whenever I barely meet someone I need like perhaps a month to warm up to them. There have been times when I meet someone and didn't like them until I warmed up to them and was able to open up more. But after I'm opened up, the shyness is no longer a problem and I open up quickly right after the initial stages. So I would suggest to keep warming up to her and be very friendly. Until she looks more comfortable and then bring up the dating stuff after that.


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Wolfheart
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28 Apr 2013, 4:06 pm

Spank and pinch her on the bottom. :lol:



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28 Apr 2013, 4:24 pm

Image



alakazaam
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28 Apr 2013, 5:12 pm

She clearly has social problems one on one. I am shy too and I prefer to to take walks rather than go on dinner dates. I find it easier to talk that way. That's why she only goes with a group. It relieves a lot of pressure on her from socializing and she doesn't have to worry about maintaining a conversation while she is still shy with you. Ask her out once you feel she knows you better. She will feel more at ease.



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28 Apr 2013, 5:22 pm

I think you should just assume that she's interested in you, until you learn otherwise.



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28 Apr 2013, 7:30 pm

RightSide wrote:
Hi everyone!

So, as I say it in all my posts, I have Asperger. I normally don't do any kind of effort to meet new people because it's hard for me to act like a normal person. However, recently I met a girl. She is shy, but she is interesting enough. I have been trying to act very confident without being arrogant (I do have reasons to be confident, so why not?) and being playful around her. We already had our first date (I invited her to go on a walk with me).
Today I asked her to go on a dinner with me. She said no. I ask her why and she only said that she normally only go out on a dinner with large social groups. Of course that this left me close to depression. However, since I had nothing to lose I ask her if she wanted to go on a walk again, instead of the dinner. I also made it clear that I was trying to know her better. She said yes.
This lefted me with many doubts. I don't know if she's only being nice to me or if she just want to be a friend of mine or if she is real interested on me but she's to shy to accept more personal invitations.

Please help me.
Thanks!


Sometimes unless you know a person well enough, a dinner date can be awkward. Very awkward.
There is a certain expectation and a quite high amount of pressure with a dinner date - if she's shy, she probably won't be comfortable with that so soon.

Also - if she doesn't know you that well, she may have been protecting herself - having a way to get home that is not dependant on you (or by saying no if she doesn't have one), and/or making sure that the dinner date was not at your house (yes, some guys actually used that as an excuse to get a girl over to their house so that they can get laid).

She seems interested in getting to know you better, but still somewhat unsure of you. I would give it time, take it slow and keep it to the low pressure activities (walking is a low pressure situation, dinner dates are high pressure situations).


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29 Apr 2013, 2:08 am

Just keep in mind she may or may not be interested, but it doesn't hurt to find out.

The problem with shy people is, anyone can be shy. I'm shy. But, shyness goes so far, once you really warm up to someone, have a decent conversation, nothing awkward, shyness should go away. When I first meet someone I'm shy, but after one or two times out, if I feel I can talk comfortably with them about anything, nothing awkward, no arguements, I can do anything around them.

So you could go on that walk but, if you feel it goes well and she doesn't want to do a 3rd date, don't hold out hopes that she'll open up, cause she probably won't.


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appletheclown
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29 Apr 2013, 9:30 am

Wolfheart wrote:
Spank and pinch her on the bottom. :lol:


:tongue: :oops:


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ShamelessGit
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29 Apr 2013, 10:24 am

Maybe you should quit stressing out so much about everything she does and just take what she gives you. That's what i would do.



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29 Apr 2013, 10:24 am

Wolfheart wrote:
Spank and pinch her on the bottom. :lol:


That is exactly what you want to do, if you desire to be slapped in the face. Do you :twisted: ?



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29 Apr 2013, 10:28 am

I was gonna say something like what Kjas said, but she said it first. When I go after girls, I always try to set up the first few interactions in public place so that it would be impossible for me to try to pull something.



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29 Apr 2013, 11:20 am

appletheclown wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
Spank and pinch her on the bottom. :lol:


:tongue: :oops:


Sounds like the kind of crap you would try to pull, appletheclown.



RightSide
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30 Apr 2013, 12:16 pm

Well, she probably is going to cancel our walk... And again I'm feeling depressed. I'm really tired of being all by myself without any kind of friends... I can't start a good conversation in okcupid and I don't know how to approach people. I find a lot people interesting but I just don't know how to approach them. In this few months I lost my bestfriend and my female bestfriend. I'm already on a psychologist and she's trying to help me but it doesn't seem to improve. I don't know what else I should do to get out of this situation. I just know I can't take anymore...



Cafeaulait
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30 Apr 2013, 12:58 pm

Where did you meet the girl?