How common is it for Aspie guys to date older NT women?

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inquiringMind
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05 May 2013, 3:24 pm

If it's common, do Aspies not see the physical difference that NTs notice? Or do Aspies just not care?
Also, if you’re an Aspie guy that is dating or has dated an older NT gal, how did your friends react? More importantly, how did your mom take it?



Tyri0n
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05 May 2013, 3:28 pm

I don't know how this would be possible. I, for one, am way too immature. I am sure others are as well. It seems like dating younger women is a much better bet because then the maturity gap isn't so huge.



Anomiel
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05 May 2013, 3:40 pm

Tyri0n wrote:
I don't know how this would be possible. I, for one, am way too immature. I am sure others are as well. It seems like dating younger women is a much better bet because then the maturity gap isn't so huge.


Did you see that Jezebel article about an aspie that wanted to date younger women, for the same reason? One of the commenters said, and I agree, that a younger woman wouldn't be able to handle it as she would lack experience, both with relationships (and dating an aspie is way more work for most NTs than NT-NT) and the life-experience to be compassionate and capable, which she would need to be.



redrobin62
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05 May 2013, 3:42 pm

I'm trying to find a PC way of saying this. I can see some aspies going after the perceived "rejects" because, well, you're better to have than nothing at all. Was that too cruel?



Last edited by redrobin62 on 05 May 2013, 3:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Anomiel
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05 May 2013, 3:43 pm

redrobin62 wrote:
I'm trying to find a PC way of saying this. I can see some people going after the perceived "rejects" because, well, you're better to have than nothing at all. Was that too cruel?


So when older men want younger women it's because the women are "rejects"?
OOOH wait, you called older women rejects? :huh: :lmao: Everyone (who's lucky) gets old. Single or not implies nothing about their worth.



redrobin62
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05 May 2013, 3:49 pm

Oops. I knew I shouldn't have posted that. :(

You know, sometimes when I see 60 and 70 year old men with wives in their 20's and 30's, I'm thinking the ladies are gold diggers. "Daddy" will croak soon and leave them a fortune. They in turn will now openly date the guy they've been seeing all along.

TBH, I'm not a relationship watcher. How many May-December marriages are there?



Anomiel
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05 May 2013, 3:56 pm

redrobin62 wrote:
Oops. I knew I shouldn't have posted that. :(

You know, sometimes when I see 60 and 70 year old men with wives in their 20's and 30's, I'm thinking the ladies are gold diggers. "Daddy" will croak soon and leave them a fortune. They in turn will now openly date the guy they've been seeing all along.

TBH, I'm not a relationship watcher. How many May-December marriages are there?


It's just a really negative assumption to make towards both the hypothetical aspie-man and the NT-woman as you basically called them both worthless.
I'm not sure how common that big age-gap is, but I'm sure most relationships are built on love (unless we're talking about Hugh Hefner :P)



spongy
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05 May 2013, 4:22 pm

Anomiel wrote:
redrobin62 wrote:
Oops. I knew I shouldn't have posted that. :(

You know, sometimes when I see 60 and 70 year old men with wives in their 20's and 30's, I'm thinking the ladies are gold diggers. "Daddy" will croak soon and leave them a fortune. They in turn will now openly date the guy they've been seeing all along.

TBH, I'm not a relationship watcher. How many May-December marriages are there?


It's just a really negative assumption to make towards both the hypothetical aspie-man and the NT-woman as you basically called them both worthless.
I'm not sure how common that big age-gap is, but I'm sure most relationships are built on love (unless we're talking about Hugh Hefner :P)

Di Stefano(local soccer legend) is about to get married after spending several days in ICU less than a couple of months ago.
In the only interview he has given on the subject he says that his kids dont approve of him marrying someone half is age when he is 86 and he just left ICU but he felt lonely after his wife died a few years ago.


He has appeared on e a newspapers frontpage with this news because it isnt something thats common here.
Not sure how common it is on the USA/abroad



redrobin62
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05 May 2013, 4:42 pm

<--- Once again, his lack of social etiquette trips him up. :(



Anomiel
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05 May 2013, 6:55 pm

redrobin62 wrote:
<--- Once again, his lack of social etiquette trips him up. :(


I'm not mad at you. Your social etiquette is fine. You posted your opinion (which might have made the OP sad btw), and I disagreed with it.



Last edited by Anomiel on 05 May 2013, 7:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Aspie1
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05 May 2013, 7:14 pm

I've dated older women before. And it was a really nice experience. I found them to be more mellow and laid-back, and at the same time, more forward with their intentions than women my age. Social faux pas, such as trying to kiss her when she wasn't interested, were forgiven more easily. (Either refused non-verbally by not allowing the kiss, or deflected with a genuinely humorous phrase.) While I still put my best foot forward, as opposed to completely being myself, it was much more relaxing than dating women my age. Those women, in turn, seem to be attracted to, interestingly, my dance skills. I've been taking dance lessons for quite some time by now, and while I'm not a pro, I get complimented on a fairly regular basis. Women 36+ are also past the rush to settle down, have already settled down and got divorced, or gave up on the idea in the first place. This whole lack of the settling down dynamic is why I feel comfortable dating them.

I'm now 30, and I noticed the strangest thing. I'm also interested in younger women, ages 21 to 25. (The 21+ limit is there because I don't want to be their alcohol supplier and because 18 is just too damn young for me.) I found that women in this age group now act very relaxed and comfortable when talking to me, rather than getting creeped out within seconds of seeing me. I don't know if it's because I act more NT than I did when I was younger, because aging helped improve my looks, or because I talk to them as a fatherly figure of some sort (without realizing it, possibly), rather than as a guy on the prowl.

Ironically, I feel downright not attracted to women my age. Late 20's to early 30's is when a lot of women are in a rush to settle down (stereotypically, at least), while it's the last thing on my mind at this time. I'll talk to them at parties, and I'll dance with them, and I'll even make out with them when the opportunity presents itself. But I've had situations where I voluntarily passed on an opportunity to date a woman my age. Care to help figure this out?



Ai_Ling
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05 May 2013, 8:01 pm

So Im not an aspie male but if I were to guess; an older women 'might' like an aspie male if there are the mothering type and wasnt to date someone they can nurture.



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
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05 May 2013, 8:41 pm

When I was 26, I was involved with a woman who was 30.

That kind of medium age difference might almost be ideal.