Nerds Aren’t Sexy

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No feelings for them? Or no feelings generally? If the latter, I don't think it's a huge issue necessarily. I have a whopping case of alexithymia. There are other things to talk about.

My husband and I are both nerds. We are the only people we know under retirement age who bird watch! That's nerdy, even among nerds. No cool new video games for us.

I've only read the first page so far, so what I say may have already been said.
Generally speaking, I'd say that Boo is right about nerdiness being attractive but nerds not being attractive.

However, on this forum I'd say that you'd find a much higher than normal percentage of people who are attracted to actual nerds, because of our own obsessiveness and social ineptitude.

Is the OP saying they consider themself a nerd or just others?

If you look at the opposite of nerdish ie women who dress up in an overtly sexy way with high heels, chest hanging out,
false eye lashes, hair extensions etc, you can often find men who say they don't fancy this kind of woman either so I'd say
it's a matter of needing to be in the middle of the two extremes to appeal to the most people. But there will always be people who prefer the extremes or aren't bothered by a person's outward image so it's less relevant.

There's society's idea of what consititues 'sexy' and then there's what each individual considers sexy and the two can be very different. A lot depends on the extent to which a person makes up their own mind or is dictated to by societal norms and their peer group. Also the extent to which they see their partner as a way of impressing and signalling social status to others (ie I've got a sexy person on my arm) or as a way of fulfilling other needs eg parent substitute, friend, someone to make then laugh etc

Very insightful. I will agree.

Thanks

I think this is a bit of a specialist subject for me ie trying to determine exactly what constitutes 'sexy' as I think I lack this quality myself so it's a bit of an obsession

I get intrigued by the way people can be seen as sexy either for how they look facially and/or from their body characteristics/shape etc

I get caught up in not knowing whether to try and look more standardly 'sexy' to appeal to more people/get more acceptance off others generally or to just be my natural self and just appeal to people who like me as me

The person I see says he prefers me with no makeup and I can't believe this as to me, without makeup I'm far less attractive/sexy and so I can't understand this logic ie surely something that to me makes me look less feminine/sexy would also make me less attractive as well?

Or is 'sexy' in a woman about more than just looking feminine?

I get really confused as a lot of men seem to act as if I'm the very opposite of their idea of sexy and generally made to feel like some kind of deviant and yet I often seem to be pointed out by men to the people they are with as in 'what do you think of her?' and stared at and yet I've never had much trouble finding partners or sex so it doesn't add up to me

I end up not having an objective view on how I come across as peoples' reactions vary so much

I think I feel I need to be as sexy as women in the media and feel a lot of pressure from others to be like this and yet I can see other people who are what I'd term plain just walking around with no one batting an eyelid or being looked at so much and yet I seem to cause a lot of consternation to people ie as if they don't know where to place me on the sexy/not sexy continuum ie you'd think if I was resolutely not sexy they wouldnt even be bothering to look (that's my standard reaction to 'not sexy' anyway)

I'd be a lot happier with a standard reaction off everyone to be quite honest as all the 'oh I think there's an attractrive woman approaching me, oh no she's not' stuff does my head in - I just don't want the attention on me like this! ie they made the error of judgement - I never walked round saying 'hey everyone, I'm sexy!' and yet I'm made to feel their opprobrium for not being what they thought I was. I have to say people are just mindless!

Last edited by nessa238 on 16 May 2013, 4:28 am, edited 3 times in total.

It's in the article.

Also he became some sort of meme before memes were cool and his image spread quite quickly

Nerds can be sexy, as long as they don't look like typical nerds. That means, pimples, fatness, beards included.

I never knew being fat was part of being a nerd

None of the characters on 'The Big Bang' are fat (or have beards) and I'd say they're typical nerd types

Also, from what I've observed most people have spots at some time or other and a lot have lumps of various kinds and moles on their faces too

Well, you're right. I should have added 'skinny' to that. How could I forget it.
I was gonna add glasses as well, but I don't think glasses are necessarily nerdy anymore

I changed from typical nerd to a someone with nerdy interests.

Boo 1.0 was a typical nerd: very skinny, no sense of haircut/fashion, no single sport activity, tense glasses who talks nerdy stuff most of the times.

I no longer talk much about nerdy stuff in public too, things like computers, science news, history...etc.

Because, seriously....IT BORES OTHER PEOPLE TO TEARS, I've learned this in the hard way.

I've learned some self control and to keep my mouth shut regarding these subjects when I am with others. My interests are mine only.

Today, the women I find most easy to impress are extrovert, some with slightly nerdy interests. Nothing worked with typical introvert women because they always turn out they want someone extrovert (opposite of them), even nerd women don't want to date nerd men in my experience.


BTW, nerd women aren't necessary not shallow/not materialistic nor extrovert women are necessarily shallow/materialistic, there's no correlation between the two traits, I've known typically nerdy women who were the most materialistic and looks-wise shallow I've ever encountered. The last nerd girl I've encountered on okc (she was the only local girl I met there who knows what bonobos means and know about cosmos news!! ! she was very nerdy) complained to me recently that she's thinking of leaving her new fiancée because he couldn't reach a X salary as she expected, he's a young cop officer, I was like 'geez I was saved', also another nerd girl (a bookworm atheist) before her had a preset monetary defined standards.

So I am pretty convinced that a nerd woman might not necessarily be the best match for me nor necessarily is always the better woman.

Also, as I said, they never consider me as a date, the dozen of nerd women I knew during the years are easily impressed by typical social guys and typical social things/activities they do, while extrovert women are easily impressed by something I say or do and they start wanting to date me out of curiosity, their curiosity sometimes grows to desire.

When a job seeker fails to find a job in a specific market over and over again, what should be done? Switching to another market of course!
Yes, I am that pragmatic.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 16 May 2013, 6:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

3 day beards can be very hot imo

The only reason beards are not hot is because of people like Tom Cruise.

I'm confused

Isn't your definition of nerd here far more based on the person's interests/topics of interest than their image?

Because if any of the females youv'e described are included in the ones you showed me photos of, I'd say none had a nerd-like look, as you've given in your original post photos. on the contrary, the women youv'e dated in thsoe photos looked exceedingly NT to me

So you seem to be jsut talking about a person's interests

I ge the impression women who look like a streotypical nerd probably dont' even exist in your culture

I've hardly ever seen a person with a nerd-like image whenever I've seen footage of Middle Eastern countries

They usually look very NT and of above average looks

I would think it would be very hard to look nerd-like in such a culture!

I also can't understand why plastic surgery is so prevalent in Middle Eastern countries as everyone alreadty looks pretty stunning to me already!