Stop trying to be one of the Sheeple and do your own thing!

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Geekonychus
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17 May 2013, 12:23 pm

DialAForAwesome wrote:
Right.

Why should I listen to OP when he's one of the "sheeple" he's talking about? He was awesome before then became kind of a narcissist for no reason like most other guys (i.e., goes around bragging about how great he is, when he didn't do that before). Now he comes on here telling us to "do our own thing" when he can't even practice what he preaches.

Hypocrisy much?

DialAForAwesome wrote:
What makes this thread funny is exactly what I said before-- the OP is being hypocritical. He rails on people here for not wanting to be stuck in a permanent rut caused by autism, but disregards his own advice, and instead becomes exactly like 99% of the NT population, in order to get what he wants. That's why I can't take this thread seriously. It's a textbook case of "the blind leading the blind."

Yes, I fundementally am awesome, but there's a difference between having some self esteem and being a narcissist......... :wink:

And how exactley am I not following my own advice? The advice I've given in this thread is exactley what I have done to find my success. People here face a bunch of rejection and then become bitter, spouting mysogonistic and and self defeatest BS that just ensures future rejection. I'm all for Boo's advice of making a small amount of effort to boost your self esteem and image (dressing nice, working out, etc) but when push comes to shove, those things will only get you so far.

I'm kind of overweight (not obese but I do have a gut) and scruffy, I have social anxiety and a myriad of other aspie traits. 99.9% of people would not get along with me and I've been labelled as weird, retarded and even creepy before. That's fine because most people are incredibly boring and not worth wasting my time or energy on. I'm hardly the type one would consider an alpha male. But as soon as I accepted myself and stopped caring about being liked or fitting in with everyone I began to successfully find my niche (both romantically and in a friendship context.)

Your success will have to come from you because as soon as you become more comfortable with yourself, the right people will become more comfortable with you. This advice is true whether you intend to be a commited monogomist, FWB, celibate, just friends, Poly or whatever........



Geekonychus
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17 May 2013, 12:37 pm

DialAForAwesome wrote:
That's good for you I suppose, but I'd have to literally change everything about myself, right down to my looks. This includes my interests, which pretty much no women in the world share with me. It's either conform and completely change myself, or stay alone forever. But I'm not willing to conform.


That's the kind of attitude that's keeping you down. If you treat yourself like a sociatal pariah, that's how others will view you. You're creating a self fulfilling prophecy.

Also, so much emphasis gets put of special interests and hobbies but in reality that has very little to do with romantic compatability. It helps with making friends but in terms of romantic interaction, you and your potential partner don't have to have that much in common. It's all about finding the right balance in personality. The real trait you should be looking for is a similiar desire to be a non-conformist.

There are plenty of other socially awkward freaks out there who are just as lonely as anybody else on here. Unfortunetly, as I've pointed out before, a lot of people on here tend to dismiss or overlook them for shallow reasons while simultaneously railing on the shallowness of the women who ignore them. It's really sad.........



nessa238
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17 May 2013, 1:10 pm

BlueMax wrote:
Funny... for all the negative WP comments I got about my appearance and personality (fat and stupid) I was heavily flirted with and complimented for my writing and speaking abilities twice today alone - one was even a lawyer!

So... it would seem just being me may work out just fine in the long run. ;)


Who has called you fat?


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nessa238
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17 May 2013, 1:16 pm

Geekonychus wrote:
DialAForAwesome wrote:
That's good for you I suppose, but I'd have to literally change everything about myself, right down to my looks. This includes my interests, which pretty much no women in the world share with me. It's either conform and completely change myself, or stay alone forever. But I'm not willing to conform.


That's the kind of attitude that's keeping you down. If you treat yourself like a sociatal pariah, that's how others will view you. You're creating a self fulfilling prophecy.

Also, so much emphasis gets put of special interests and hobbies but in reality that has very little to do with romantic compatability. It helps with making friends but in terms of romantic interaction, you and your potential partner don't have to have that much in common. It's all about finding the right balance in personality. The real trait you should be looking for is a similiar desire to be a non-conformist.

There are plenty of other socially awkward freaks out there who are just as lonely as anybody else on here. Unfortunetly, as I've pointed out before, a lot of people on here tend to dismiss or overlook them for shallow reasons while simultaneously railing on the shallowness of the women who ignore them. It's really sad.........


I agree with what you say

You do also have to take on board though that people will only change on their own terms, not because others tell them they should

Also, I think a lot of the 'bad' things people do aren't specifially NT things, they are human things eg being shallow and picky about what a person wants in a partner while not being all that themself - this is a human trait not specific to NTs

There seems to be a tendency (I have it myself) to expect higher standards of behaviour from people with Aspergers than NTs
- I don't think it's realistic though and a lot of the reason we aren't as 'bad' as a lot of NTs is only due to lack of opportunity ie not having a social group or peer pressure.


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Geekonychus
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17 May 2013, 1:52 pm

nessa238 wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
DialAForAwesome wrote:
That's good for you I suppose, but I'd have to literally change everything about myself, right down to my looks. This includes my interests, which pretty much no women in the world share with me. It's either conform and completely change myself, or stay alone forever. But I'm not willing to conform.


That's the kind of attitude that's keeping you down. If you treat yourself like a sociatal pariah, that's how others will view you. You're creating a self fulfilling prophecy.

Also, so much emphasis gets put of special interests and hobbies but in reality that has very little to do with romantic compatability. It helps with making friends but in terms of romantic interaction, you and your potential partner don't have to have that much in common. It's all about finding the right balance in personality. The real trait you should be looking for is a similiar desire to be a non-conformist.

There are plenty of other socially awkward freaks out there who are just as lonely as anybody else on here. Unfortunetly, as I've pointed out before, a lot of people on here tend to dismiss or overlook them for shallow reasons while simultaneously railing on the shallowness of the women who ignore them. It's really sad.........


I agree with what you say

You do also have to take on board though that people will only change on their own terms, not because others tell them they should

Also, I think a lot of the 'bad' things people do aren't specifially NT things, they are human things eg being shallow and picky about what a person wants in a partner while not being all that themself - this is a human trait not specific to NTs

There seems to be a tendency (I have it myself) to expect higher standards of behaviour from people with Aspergers than NTs
- I don't think it's realistic though and a lot of the reason we aren't as 'bad' as a lot of NTs is only due to lack of opportunity ie not having a social group or peer pressure.
Great points. I don't expect most people to take my advice however I give it freely.

I think everyone has unrealistic standards of other people regardless of neurology. I think what makes me stand out from most is that I tend to be more accepting of other people's faults (or even see strengths where most would see faults.) I'm hardly perfect so why should I expect it from others? I won't lie, it's not always easy to be that kind of person but it has gotten me to a good place.



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17 May 2013, 2:32 pm

nessa238 wrote:
Who has called you fat?


A few.

While I could stand to lose a little tummy, I'm not quite used to hearing insult, "fat" which translates to "I don't like how you look - I find you repulsive." Fortunately, enough people have flirted to convince me all is not lost yet. ;)



nessa238
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17 May 2013, 3:18 pm

BlueMax wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Who has called you fat?


A few.

While I could stand to lose a little tummy, I'm not quite used to hearing insult, "fat" which translates to "I don't like how you look - I find you repulsive." Fortunately, enough people have flirted to convince me all is not lost yet. ;)


If anyone does it again be sure to report them to the mods; people won't learn what is unacceptable without there being consequences

I was hoping you'd name and shame but it's up to you


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nessa238
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17 May 2013, 3:19 pm

Geekonychus wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Geekonychus wrote:
DialAForAwesome wrote:
That's good for you I suppose, but I'd have to literally change everything about myself, right down to my looks. This includes my interests, which pretty much no women in the world share with me. It's either conform and completely change myself, or stay alone forever. But I'm not willing to conform.


That's the kind of attitude that's keeping you down. If you treat yourself like a sociatal pariah, that's how others will view you. You're creating a self fulfilling prophecy.

Also, so much emphasis gets put of special interests and hobbies but in reality that has very little to do with romantic compatability. It helps with making friends but in terms of romantic interaction, you and your potential partner don't have to have that much in common. It's all about finding the right balance in personality. The real trait you should be looking for is a similiar desire to be a non-conformist.

There are plenty of other socially awkward freaks out there who are just as lonely as anybody else on here. Unfortunetly, as I've pointed out before, a lot of people on here tend to dismiss or overlook them for shallow reasons while simultaneously railing on the shallowness of the women who ignore them. It's really sad.........


I agree with what you say

You do also have to take on board though that people will only change on their own terms, not because others tell them they should

Also, I think a lot of the 'bad' things people do aren't specifially NT things, they are human things eg being shallow and picky about what a person wants in a partner while not being all that themself - this is a human trait not specific to NTs

There seems to be a tendency (I have it myself) to expect higher standards of behaviour from people with Aspergers than NTs
- I don't think it's realistic though and a lot of the reason we aren't as 'bad' as a lot of NTs is only due to lack of opportunity ie not having a social group or peer pressure.
Great points. I don't expect most people to take my advice however I give it freely.

I think everyone has unrealistic standards of other people regardless of neurology. I think what makes me stand out from most is that I tend to be more accepting of other people's faults (or even see strengths where most would see faults.) I'm hardly perfect so why should I expect it from others? I won't lie, it's not always easy to be that kind of person but it has gotten me to a good place.


Yes, you do seem a more open-minded person


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appletheclown
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17 May 2013, 3:49 pm

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MG9T6YkE_MY[/youtube]


Tomahawks, this is what I like to do. I also like this:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfeHoa9rAE0[/youtube]


And this is one of my favorite songs:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIGdcIU6erM[/youtube]


Maybe this too I guess:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWet783dh3g[/youtube]


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nessa238
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17 May 2013, 4:00 pm

appletheclown wrote:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MG9T6YkE_MY[/youtube]


Tomahawks, this is what I like to do. I also like this:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfeHoa9rAE0[/youtube]


And this is one of my favorite songs:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIGdcIU6erM[/youtube]


Maybe this too I guess:
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWet783dh3g[/youtube]



I still don't see the relevance to the original post


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billiscool
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17 May 2013, 4:38 pm

Geekonychus wrote:
Yes, I fundementally am awesome, but there's a difference between having some self esteem and being a narcissist......... :wink:

And how exactley am I not following my own advice? The advice I've given in this thread is exactley what I have done to find my success. People here face a bunch of rejection and then become bitter, spouting mysogonistic and and self defeatest BS that just ensures future rejection. I'm all for Boo's advice of making a small amount of effort to boost your self esteem and image (dressing nice, working out, etc) but when push comes to shove, those things will only get you so far.

I'm kind of overweight (not obese but I do have a gut) and scruffy, I have social anxiety and a myriad of other aspie traits. 99.9% of people would not get along with me and I've been labelled as weird, retarded and even creepy before. That's fine because most people are incredibly boring and not worth wasting my time or energy on. I'm hardly the type one would consider an alpha male. But as soon as I accepted myself and stopped caring about being liked or fitting in with everyone I began to successfully find my niche (both romantically and in a friendship context.)

Your success will have to come from you because as soon as you become more comfortable with yourself, the right people will become more comfortable with you. This advice is true whether you intend to be a commited monogomist, FWB, celibate, just friends, Poly or whatever........


I am comfotable with myself. I like myself, but that not going to make the ladies want to date me. it doesn't matter. Im just too eccentric for the ladies. and last time I check, us weird aspie guys are not in women top 10 list of men to date.



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18 May 2013, 7:24 am

BlueMax wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Who has called you fat?


A few.

While I could stand to lose a little tummy, I'm not quite used to hearing insult, "fat" which translates to "I don't like how you look - I find you repulsive." Fortunately, enough people have flirted to convince me all is not lost yet. ;)


I hate when people call other people "fat" and similar pejoratives.

It seems to be the last "acceptable" prejudice.



nessa238
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18 May 2013, 7:38 am

Popsicle wrote:
BlueMax wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Who has called you fat?


A few.

While I could stand to lose a little tummy, I'm not quite used to hearing insult, "fat" which translates to "I don't like how you look - I find you repulsive." Fortunately, enough people have flirted to convince me all is not lost yet. ;)


I hate when people call other people "fat" and similar pejoratives.

It seems to be the last "acceptable" prejudice.


I'd say lookism is just as bad if not worse than fattism

When I've been called fat I've felt a bit put out but don't take it that personally as it's just my body and seems a kind of generic insult, like a racist remark, but when I've been called ugly that has seemed a lot more personal and individual and has affected me a lot more. I think it's because I don't really feel that bad about my body whatever it's size for some strange reason - probably because I haven't had people criticise it much and partly because I don't see my body as 'me' that much, but I am a lot more insecure about my face, which is unique to me and so criticisms of that hurt a lot more as I'm probably partly in agreement with the person doing the insulting. This isn't people saying it to my face either, it's overhearing people commenting on me, which I invariably do whereas people with me never do. One of the downsides of having good hearing!


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18 May 2013, 10:42 am

nessa238 wrote:
BlueMax wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Who has called you fat?


A few.

While I could stand to lose a little tummy, I'm not quite used to hearing insult, "fat" which translates to "I don't like how you look - I find you repulsive." Fortunately, enough people have flirted to convince me all is not lost yet. ;)


If anyone does it again be sure to report them to the mods; people won't learn what is unacceptable without there being consequences

I was hoping you'd name and shame but it's up to you


Naw - I deal with my own problems rather than running to the mods (or the boss at work) whining and crying like a spoiled child so they'll "hurt the other person for me".
Pain by proxy, that's called.



nessa238
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18 May 2013, 4:46 pm

BlueMax wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
BlueMax wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
Who has called you fat?


A few.

While I could stand to lose a little tummy, I'm not quite used to hearing insult, "fat" which translates to "I don't like how you look - I find you repulsive." Fortunately, enough people have flirted to convince me all is not lost yet. ;)


If anyone does it again be sure to report them to the mods; people won't learn what is unacceptable without there being consequences

I was hoping you'd name and shame but it's up to you


Naw - I deal with my own problems rather than running to the mods (or the boss at work) whining and crying like a spoiled child so they'll "hurt the other person for me".
Pain by proxy, that's called.


I'm the same usually but sometimes I think you have to draw a line in the sand


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