I think the guy I like is an Aspie?

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Hello everyone. I am new to this forum and hoping to get some input on a situation that I am (somewhat) involved in. I am currently interested in a guy who I suspect might be an Aspie.

I have also suspected for a while that I'm also on the spectrum, but that's another story.

I'm just going to name off traits that I have noticed that have made me somewhat suspicious and would appreciate any advice on how to move forward with this. Please keep in mind that I find pretty much all of these traits to be intriguing and wonderful.

To start off, this guy lives in another town so it has made it somewhat of a slow process. Also, I know that he has been interested in me because we have a mutual friend that he has admitted this to (she said he was pretty excited about it) and I am very interested in him. Ok so on to the traits (finally):

- He is pretty introverted, always the one on the outskirts of the socialization, typically keeps to himself (unless he's been drinking). He identifies himself as an introvert and noticed that I was one as well. However, he has often gone out of his way to try to talk to me specifically.

-He went to dinner with a group of friends and myself and I noticed that he almost seemed to be looking in the opposite direction when others were speaking, kind of like he was not listening, but he would also instantly chime in when something in the conversation sparked his interest.

- He is an observer. Like, within an hour he was able to pick up that one of my friends had some OCD tendencies, and also made a comment about me messing with my jewelry (a nervous habit that I have). When we were watching a movie I also noticed that he picked up on little things that most people probably would not.

- He is EXTREMELY intelligent and a brilliant writer.

- He is very adamant about his dislikes, outspoken, and passionate about his beliefs; which can be off putting to other people at times.

- He has a tic with opening and closing his eyes. This isn't constant, but I have noticed it a few times.

- He is all about his routine (almost obsessively so) and is extremely organized (clothes are almost perfectly folded and separated by what it is). He is also often late for social events and told me himself that he likes to do things on his own time and can be a slow mover.

- According to our mutual friend, he is not a good communicator and "the most awkward person to talk to on the phone." I have also noticed how awkward he can be when talking to me at times.

This is what comes to mind right now, but if I think of anything else I will add it. I spent some time with him around 2 months ago (my best friend lives where he does so I stayed with her), but he stayed by my side the entire weekend that I was there and spent both nights with me (literally, I had to shake him off for a couple of hours so I could have some time to process everything). I assumed that things were progressing, but then I left town at the same time that he went up north for a summer job and I have not heard a single thing from him (aside from the occasional facebook likes and comments). I have attempted to engage him in a conversation via text two times and both times he responded, but he has not reached out to engage me (however, the only time he really did before we spent that weekend together was to ask when the next time I'd be in town was). I have a coworker who is an Aspie and he tells me that this guy will probably not ever initiate contact with me and also recommended that I check out this forum!

So my two questions are: 1. Am I somewhat on key with my suspicions or does it just sound like I'm misinterpreting rejection? 2. If so, how should I approach it from here? I really do like him and am willing to do whatever I need to better understand him and how to continue to make this move forward. Thanks so much! ^^

Hi, Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Since your mutual friend says he's said he likes you, that's a very good sign. Although still not a slam dunk that the relationship will work out. And it sounds like you might need to pursue him. Just do so with matter-of-fact confidence.

I'm an Aspie comfortably self-diagnosed. When I'm in a relationship I need a fair amount of alone time, to emotionally process and to just do my own thing. Also I can intensely interact fir a while and then I need alone time.

And it can't be like a religious conversion where he 'admits' that he's on the spectrum, which is kind of the point of having a spectrum that it blurs all the way to 'normal' (and on such thing as 'normal' anyway snd how boring a place the world if there was! ). He might identify as INTJ or INFJ (Myers Briggs). Or he might just identify as an artist type. Any of the above is fine.

I would recommended identifying your own issues. I know that i like to have all the facts before i commit and this can really get in my way. However this about you not me, so figure out what you have issues with so if things go through you can be sure to let him know whats going on with you because he may not figure it out, also at some point he will have to tell you his internal things. They may be very vague and take a while or they may come out all at once, much like a faucet that is only on 1/4th of the way and it just dribbles a bit and you ask enough or something happens and boom 100% flow, kinda like a title wave. So just be sure not to react to abruptly to things as he may do something that horrifies you but you need to think things through before reacting and talk to him. Communication is key in any relationship but with aspies you really have to force it, not wait for it to come out because we can be really good at bottling it up.

Like I said identify yourself first so that you can tell him things and not spring it on him. Making the first move will be crucial, but it could just be telling him of your interest and he may take over after you tell him it is ok and you feel the same, or you may have to take lead.

My main advice is - Do not assume he will do anything someone else would, or just wait for something to happen that needs to or you want to, whether this is communications or actions.

And welcome to the Planet! An emergency exit can be found in the top right of your screen. Please enjoy your stay!

lol! Thanks!

I really appreciate the advice. It will probably be another month or so before I'm around him so I might just wait and see if he's interested in hanging out and then let him know in person that I'm interested. From what I've observed does it sound like he might be an Aspie? I really do appreciate the input!