Guys... Have Value

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This is a post from one of the internet forums I pulled... very good.

Value - The Difference Between Being "Cool" and Sucking it Up
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Went out with a female friend of mine tonight and had an awesome discussion about value and what "Cool" is. There are people who give value and people who suck value (they don't take it... it just dissapears from the interaction.)

People who give value are of high value themselves. They offer value to everyone who crosses their journey of life. They make their judgements on who stays in their lives based on the value given back to them. They want to be in the presence of those people who offer them value as well but at the same time offer it to everyone they meet, not because they want anything in return, but rather they enjoy giving people the value they have to offer.

Offering your value to other people in effect gives you more value because when you offer your value to a person you don't lose any for yourself, but when they give their value back to you in return your value is added to. It's like the forums rep system. You don't lose any of your own value by offering it to someone else, but they gain it.

People who aren't socially calibrated or are "Uncool" are people who:

a) Do not offer any value or
b) Give value and by doing so expect value in return
Lets take a minute and break those 2 down.

If you do not offer any value then you are sucking value. There is no such thing as being a neutral force in an interaction, either you give value or you suck the value from everyone else. People will know this and will exclude you from their lives either slowly or rapidly.

If you give value expecting value returned to you people will see your manipulative behaviour very easily. You aren't someone of high value if you are only seeking value for yourself. You aren't a part of the interaction because you want to be, you are a part of it because you want something from everyone else around you. People don't want to be around people who are only looking for something for themselves. Think of a used car salesmen. They are slick, fast talking snakes who are only looking for the sale and you clue into their behavior faster than they can ask you what kind of car you're looking for.

By giving value for selfish reasons you are in essence sucking the value from the interaction because the value you are offering is fake, and remember that theres no such thing as a neutral force when it comes to value. If you aren't adding true value to the interaction then you are sucking value from it.

Be a value giver. Offer value to those who cross paths into your life. How does this translate into the practical world? Be a fun loving, socialable, interesting person who is fun loving, socialable and interesting for reasons other than to get that piece of ass. Be that guy because you want to be, because it gives you joy and other people will love you.

Seem like I am a person of value; however, I am still a socially inept aspie.

The value vampires that suck value are very common in our sociaty. The thing is that many woman might find the cars salesman attractive because he is a good serviver, and an oppertunist and doen't handycap himself by all these morale values. Badboys and Jerks suck value but woman will still find them attrative.

I'd have to say me and my friends are rather high value or we at least aim for that a lot. It does work, may not make you 'the' most popular person but it'll makes things a lot smoother and make it kinda difficult for people to not like you. Mostly you do it for yourself and your own happiness in this life but sure - it definitely benefits your mood to be gaining the sort of rapport that you want to with people and earning/keeping their respect.

This sounds like a lot of psychobabble.

Sorry you can't keep up

No its not you just need to understand the word VALUE. i.e. you ADD something to their life or experience of life that they value.

In the dating/love game there is a fine line between value and kissing someones ass. Its easy to spot someone with intentions behind their compliments(ieg nice guys) which makes this topic psychobabble.

The mind sucks. It really does. If we were as stupid as monkeys, I'm sure everybody would be happy.

Does it really make this topic 'psychobabble' though? I'm still not seeing it. The original poster had a good point to the extent to which some of the posters and readers here may not have thought of it in such terms already. IMO its much more of a friendship and aquaintence-making skill than a dating skill but its one that still seems pretty necessary and particularly so if your the kind of person who has good intentions and really isn't in the mood or doesn't have the desire to get low or deceitful with the next person.