I'm so sick of this whole aspie women have it easier crap

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Shau
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24 Dec 2013, 9:55 am

Ultimately, I've conceded that there's probably not a whole lot of point in fighting over what's worse, being a wizard or a piece of meat, cause as has been stated many times by now, they're both pretty shitty situations to be in unless you're fully cool with being used for sex.



savvyidentity
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24 Dec 2013, 9:59 am

Shau wrote:
Ultimately, I've conceded that there's probably not a whole lot of point in fighting over what's worse, being a wizard or a piece of meat, cause as has been stated many times by now, they're both pretty shitty situations to be in unless you're fully cool with being used for sex.


Well you cannot use a person who is happy with short term relationships. That and being constantly approached puts a person in a unique position where it is more of a problem of accepting advances from the right person. I don't say that's easy, I just say it's realistic and should not cause riots just to put it on the table for discussion.



billiscool
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24 Dec 2013, 10:44 am

if asperger women have it ''easier''wouldn't that mean,
they have a more active social life,and the ability to socialize.
and put themselves in social situation to meet the ''right''
types of guys.

that's why I believe the majority of aspie(male and female) who have
alot of partners,are just very mild. the fact,they can actual socialize,
and have an active social life,and the ability to talk to people.



savvyidentity
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24 Dec 2013, 11:13 am

billiscool wrote:
and put themselves in social situation to meet the ' 'right''
types of guys.


Yes, but I think there is a difference between being able to meet someone and being able to meet the right person, that's universal to everyone, including NT men and women. You hear how women are always talking about how they meet jerks, and if you ask men what they have to say you'll hear some horror stories too. It just doesn't matter that they're NT and have better social skills, they end up having more partners on average than an aspie I'm sure, but the problem of finding someone to stay with in the long term remains.

billiscool wrote:
that's why I believe the majority of aspie(male and female) who have
alot of partners,are just very mild. the fact,they can actual socialize,
and have an active social life,and the ability to talk to people.


What I think is, if you tried to tell just any aspie or autistic that it's their job to go up and approach someone, be really confident and charming, speak well, get their phone number, arrange the date, then get the date to go in the direction they want you'll find it's a huge problem regardless of sex. I think the point is that men have to approach women end of story, aspergers or not, if they want just any kind of relationship. There is no room for being able to talk to women but not approach them if you want to be successful. It is the society we live in, and our expectations and societies expectations are two very different things. I think it may even be only one in a thousand NT women who think they need to make this kind of effort with a man, actually many demand you have superior self confidence and talking ability or you're just gonna be brushed off right away.

I agree that classic auties may have that harder with the more severe learning disabilities, but I don't think that means just any aspie can be expected to go out and just find someone just like that, because aspies do have problems with social skills too. Any advantage an individual aspie or autistic might have I think they're lucky for it.



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24 Dec 2013, 2:19 pm

savvyidentity wrote:
Shau wrote:
Ultimately, I've conceded that there's probably not a whole lot of point in fighting over what's worse, being a wizard or a piece of meat, cause as has been stated many times by now, they're both pretty shitty situations to be in unless you're fully cool with being used for sex.


Well you cannot use a person who is happy with short term relationships. That and being constantly approached puts a person in a unique position where it is more of a problem of accepting advances from the right person. I don't say that's easy, I just say it's realistic and should not cause riots just to put it on the table for discussion.


You're right, it shouldn't.

However, if you start that conversation by claiming "women have it easier" as opposed to simply wanting to discuss the different roles and expectations that go along with gender in a particular culture, then females are going to be less receptive. You're generally not going to win many people over by dismissing and minimizing their problems. I'm not saying YOU do this, but I've seen many guys do exactly this and then wonder at the negative reception.

Personally, any man who has not spent significant time inhabiting a female body and a female social role, but who claims "women have it easier" has no credibility in my eyes. Ditto for women.


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savvyidentity
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24 Dec 2013, 3:07 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:
You're generally not going to win many people over by dismissing and minimizing their problems.


A well made point. Yes, I just think knowing the difference in expectations is important and that one persons hardship doesn't imply leisure for another.



billiscool
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24 Dec 2013, 4:02 pm

savvyidentity wrote:

What I think is, if you tried to tell just any aspie or autistic that it's their job to go up and approach someone, be really confident and charming, speak well, get their phone number, arrange the date, then get the date to go in the direction they want you'll find it's a huge problem regardless of sex. I think the point is that men have to approach women end of story, aspergers or not, if they want just any kind of relationship. There is no room for being able to talk to women but not approach them if you want to be successful. It is the society we live in, and our expectations and societies expectations are two very different things. I think it may even be only one in a thousand NT women who think they need to make this kind of effort with a man, actually many demand you have superior self confidence and talking ability or you're just gonna be brushed off right away.

I agree that classic auties may have that harder with the more severe learning disabilities, but I don't think that means just any aspie can be expected to go out and just find someone just like that, because aspies do have problems with social skills too. Any advantage an individual aspie or autistic might have I think they're lucky for it.


right,there are alot of asd women,who struggles to get dates.but you
do have female aspie,that have no trouble attraction men(multiple partners)
so,they must more mild,more social,more ''prettier(?)than the
average asperger/asd women.

same with aspie guys,who can attract alot of women. they must
be more mild,social,and attractive.



bearsandsyrup
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24 Dec 2013, 4:16 pm

billiscool wrote:
right,there are alot of asd women,who struggles to get dates.but you
do have female aspie,that have no trouble attraction men(multiple partners)
so,they must more mild,more social,more ''prettier(?)than the
average asperger/asd women.

same with aspie guys,who can attract alot of women. they must
be more mild,social,and attractive.


Keep in mind that being pretty does not equal having milder AS. I was decently "pretty" in school, but didn't really know how to dress myself in a flattering way, how to do my hair and makeup, how to react properly in a social situation, etc. So I still didn't get asked out and instead, got tormented and physically bullied by boys. I wasn't seen as "girlfriend material"-- I was a girl who got friend-zoned by the guys who were nice to me.

Then I lost 20 lbs, learned how to blow dry my hair, grew out of my acne, learned how to put on make-up, and bought more flattering clothes (aka something other than sweatshirts, sweatpants, unisex t-shirts, and bell-bottom jeans). Suddenly it became much easier to get dates, but my AS wasn't milder just because I became more physically appealing, so I had to result to mimicry to try and compensate.

It's just a little cruddy to assume that because someone is pretty, they are more socially adept. The one is not related to the other.



billiscool
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24 Dec 2013, 4:30 pm

bearsandsyrup wrote:

Keep in mind that being pretty does not equal having milder AS. I was decently "pretty" in school, but didn't really know how to dress myself in a flattering way, how to do my hair and makeup, how to react properly in a social situation, etc. So I still didn't get asked out and instead, got tormented and physically bullied by boys. I wasn't seen as "girlfriend material"-- I was a girl who got friend-zoned by the guys who were nice to me.

Then I lost 20 lbs, learned how to blow dry my hair, grew out of my acne, learned how to put on make-up, and bought more flattering clothes (aka something other than sweatshirts, sweatpants, unisex t-shirts, and bell-bottom jeans). Suddenly it became much easier to get dates, but my AS wasn't milder just because I became more physically appealing, so I had to result to mimicry to try and compensate.

It's just a little cruddy to assume that because someone is pretty, they are more socially adept. The one is not related to the other.


so,why are some aspie women more ''successful'' at attraction men
than other aspie women.



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24 Dec 2013, 4:32 pm

billiscool wrote:
bearsandsyrup wrote:

Keep in mind that being pretty does not equal having milder AS. I was decently "pretty" in school, but didn't really know how to dress myself in a flattering way, how to do my hair and makeup, how to react properly in a social situation, etc. So I still didn't get asked out and instead, got tormented and physically bullied by boys. I wasn't seen as "girlfriend material"-- I was a girl who got friend-zoned by the guys who were nice to me.

Then I lost 20 lbs, learned how to blow dry my hair, grew out of my acne, learned how to put on make-up, and bought more flattering clothes (aka something other than sweatshirts, sweatpants, unisex t-shirts, and bell-bottom jeans). Suddenly it became much easier to get dates, but my AS wasn't milder just because I became more physically appealing, so I had to result to mimicry to try and compensate.

It's just a little cruddy to assume that because someone is pretty, they are more socially adept. The one is not related to the other.


so,why are some aspie women more ''successful'' at attraction men
than other aspie women.


Well from my personal experience I don't talk to most other human beings so maybe some are like me. It's hard to develop an interest in someone further than being attracted to their looks if they never talk to you. I don't know what to talk about though, so I'm snookered unless I can meet a man that likes to talk alot.



bearsandsyrup
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24 Dec 2013, 4:42 pm

billiscool wrote:
bearsandsyrup wrote:

Keep in mind that being pretty does not equal having milder AS. I was decently "pretty" in school, but didn't really know how to dress myself in a flattering way, how to do my hair and makeup, how to react properly in a social situation, etc. So I still didn't get asked out and instead, got tormented and physically bullied by boys. I wasn't seen as "girlfriend material"-- I was a girl who got friend-zoned by the guys who were nice to me.

Then I lost 20 lbs, learned how to blow dry my hair, grew out of my acne, learned how to put on make-up, and bought more flattering clothes (aka something other than sweatshirts, sweatpants, unisex t-shirts, and bell-bottom jeans). Suddenly it became much easier to get dates, but my AS wasn't milder just because I became more physically appealing, so I had to result to mimicry to try and compensate.

It's just a little cruddy to assume that because someone is pretty, they are more socially adept. The one is not related to the other.


so,why are some aspie women more ''successful'' at attraction men
than other aspie women.


A variety of reasons exist-- the woman is adept at mimicry, the woman has a milder case of AS, the woman simply has a friendlier personality, etc. Aspies aren't clones-- there are individual nuances and personality differences from person to person. My issue wasn't with the concept that some Aspies are socially adept than others-- that's true. My problem was with the idea that being prettier = having milder AS. The one has nothing to do with the other.



savvyidentity
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24 Dec 2013, 4:48 pm

billiscool wrote:

right,there are alot of asd women,who struggles to get dates.but you
do have female aspie,that have no trouble attraction men(multiple partners)
so,they must more mild,more social,more ''prettier(?)than the
average asperger/asd women.

same with aspie guys,who can attract alot of women. they must
be more mild,social,and attractive.


I think being good looking will give anyone an advantage in the dating scene, you could probably make a huge list that is an advantage in certain circumstances. Like being in college was an advantage to me because the course I was doing required a lot of confidence, and I started talking to women much more confidently. I'm not at college now, so things are slightly different.

One advantage I don't have that other people do (NT's too) is that I didn't grow up around here, so I don't have school friends to talk to, meet up with etc, and as this area is very cliquey things are only what I make it here, not what circumstances have allowed. There is little starting point, so I have to make do with what I have, and just get occasional dates.

I'm sure things would be much better if I had a good circle of friends (even just a few), but I know that's not going to be like that for everyone, especially if they are more effected than I am in terms of social skills.

One of younger brothers is autistic and has people from school on facebook, and people on the game consoles etc, and they live near but because he has more learning disabilities and problems with social skills I think he is less close to them than I was with people at my school, and that they are more like just people he talks to. If I had to judge by that, I consider myself a bit lucky (I'm just not sure by how much).



Last edited by savvyidentity on 24 Dec 2013, 5:08 pm, edited 2 times in total.

billiscool
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24 Dec 2013, 4:50 pm

bearsandsyrup wrote:
My problem was with the idea that being prettier = having milder AS. The one has nothing to do with the other.



yes,you are right.



Shau
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24 Dec 2013, 6:50 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:
Personally, any man who has not spent significant time inhabiting a female body and a female social role, but who claims "women have it easier" has no credibility in my eyes. Ditto for women.


You don't have to be part of another demographic group in order to understand them, or are all our lovely sociologists wasting their time?



Shau
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24 Dec 2013, 6:55 pm

God, this thread is nonsense. I'll just spell it out in plain words for everyone.

The reason Aspie females have an easier time getting dates from Aspie males is because autism impacts traits critical to a man's attractiveness much more so than it impacts traits critical to a woman's.

Done. Fin. That's it, that's what's going on, everyone knows it, it's the elephant in the living room. Now, this helps Aspergirls women get easier access to sex, but that's a pretty useless thing for most Aspergirls because they only want sex in the context of a loving relationship.

So we're pretty close to equally f****d. Now let's all stop bitching.



billiscool
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24 Dec 2013, 7:17 pm

Shau wrote:
God, this thread is nonsense. I'll just spell it out in plain words for everyone.

The reason Aspie females have an easier time getting dates from Aspie males is because autism impacts traits critical to a man's attractiveness much more so than it impacts traits critical to a woman's.

Done. Fin. That's it, that's what's going on, everyone knows it, it's the elephant in the living room. Now, this helps Aspergirls women get easier access to sex, but that's a pretty useless thing for most Aspergirls because they only want sex in the context of a loving relationship.

So we're pretty close to equally f****. Now let's all stop bitching.


but to get sex,wouldn't they have to have an active social life.
asperger girls=more social
asperger guys=less social.
right?