I'm so sick of this whole aspie women have it easier crap

Page 6 of 9 [ 143 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9  Next

Shau
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2009
Age: 160
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,270

29 Dec 2013, 3:56 pm

savvyidentity wrote:
According to which sources?


A tad more reading comprehension will reveal that answer to you, m80.

Quote:
Whilst I'm sure there are plenty of aspie women looking for loving relationships, I haven't seen anything that says this is a rule of how they are and that they would all collectively say no to a good time (with the right person) just on principle.


This opinion is based off of what so many of the Aspergirls around here have said. Obviously it's not going to apply to all of them, but it certainly seems to apply to most of the Aspergirls here on this site.

Quote:
I also contend that being approached by men means their only option is sex.


Not even sure what you're on about here. I never said anything like that.

Quote:
On the contrary, men don't "just want sex" as the stereotype goes - there are plenty of men out there looking for committed relationships.


I never said that either. I said that Asperguys would more likely be happier with just sex than most Aspergirls would. I'd like to reiterate my point on reading comprehension. Don't feel too bad: Us autistics are notorious for having low verbal IQs.



savvyidentity
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2013
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 450

29 Dec 2013, 4:07 pm

hurtloam wrote:
What sort of thing do you mean. We can't change our attitude if we don't know what we're doing wrong.


Well, I'm not saying all are doing this (or that it's always so bad), but it's often enough that voicing those opinions gets more opposition than support, discussion, or offer of new perspective. Also, I'm not saying you in particular do this, and in this case I started the debate (which I suppose is an invitation of sorts). An example would be the view I give above that has often just been flatly denied.



savvyidentity
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2013
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 450

29 Dec 2013, 4:16 pm

Shau wrote:
Not even sure what you're on about here. I never said anything like that.

I never said that either. I said that Asperguys would more likely be happier with just sex than most Aspergirls would. I'd like to reiterate my point on reading comprehension. Don't feel too bad: Us autistics are notorious for having low verbal IQs.


I'm not accusing you, my point was that more than just sex is available from the masses of single men out there (or women actually).



savvyidentity
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2013
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 450

29 Dec 2013, 4:20 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Call me crazy, but I am noticing lately a trend of guys (of different ages) being demotivated or maybe not giving a damn to make first moves; and they prefer to stay single than doing it, are you seeing this in your areas?

If yes, then for those bastard guys in the world I tell them.:




Keep up the good work!! :lol:


I haven't noticed that but if true perhaps it's a sign that things will not remain so static given time.

Keep up the good work, indeed lol



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 30,093
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

29 Dec 2013, 4:30 pm

savvyidentity wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
Show me the article please, since I have a psychology degree and have never read something quit like this.

In order to be able to choose one needs to have options, which I don't currently have and have never really had.


Apart from "that is not reality", you haven't made a counter argument here, so I feel the real burden of proof and credibility lies with you.

Articles on the internet that are usually just self-perpetuated nonsense do not prove my credibility, any more than having a degree in psychology proves yours (especially as I can't and won't ask you to confirm that). I can however, quote directly from books. So there's no confusion, in the above post I did not mean men are all knocking on a womans door in a literal sense.

From Venus The Dark Side (chapter 5):

"Girls who just want to have fun, are often quite easy-going about dating men. If they want to drink too much, they will. If they want casual sex, they will get it. In fact, single women call most if not all the shots in their lives. A single guy may hope he gets laid when he's getting ready to go out for a night. But a woman already knows. If she decides to, she is far more likely to succeed than a man. A man is often portrayed as having all the power. It's a myth."

From Body Language - What you need to know by David Cohen (chapter 9):

"In Psychology Today, Monica Moore (1995) reported what is known as a meta analysis of studies of flirting. Looking at a mass of research, Moore found that women use 52 different non-verbal courtship behaviours. These included glancing, gazing, primping, preening, smiling, lip-licking, pouting, giggling, laughing and nodding. Her research slammed the myth that is always men who start the dance; often girls take the first step."

If we look at that again:

Her research slammed the myth that is always men who start the dance; often girls take the first step.

The fact is, it is a widespread myth and even expectation that men will make the first move. In reality women decide the partners, but myths and attitude relics will remain.

Bear in mind, the books in question have nothing at all to say about autism or aspergers, this is about NT behaviour, and only NT behaviour.

In a world full of NT's and NT 'rules', I don't see it as being realistic to project my expectations on anyone. The only constructive thing to do, is to live with the reality of things. When I've had dates it's not because women are doing all this work for me - approaching me, chatting me up, asking for my number, etc, it's because I put the majority of the work in for them (as most men are doing) that they were willing to put a little work back in, but this extra work and assumed responsibility will inescapably be hard for male aspies as it would if female aspies had these expectations were hanging over their heads.

It is also 'well known' that women are more promiscuous, but it's not difficult to see why that might be when every man out there has the larger portion of expectation on him to 'get the girl' (in other words, desirable women are 'surrounded' by men) or if he prefers to twiddle his thumbs, and not learn how to do every one of these things he will just get nothing. Does that sound easy?

Though as I said above, it's still besides the point even if there could possibly be indisputable 'proof' that I'm wrong. The point is many aspie women here claim those problems just don't exist for aspie men.


Yeah, I guess girls are the ones who really often do the first move through their gestures, body language, excessive flirting...etc

She selects through these ways and wait.... the "guy asking her out" part is just a final test for his confidence.

Maybe that's where some of the aspie women here fail?



Sadly, most guys have very low selection criteria , so they would try to take any opportunity they can get.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 30,093
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

29 Dec 2013, 4:44 pm

I must admit, the only girls I've ever dared to ask them out where very friendly, flirty and smiling to me.

The friendliest/flirtiest she is, the more I get encouraged to ask her out.

That reminds me of girl whom I found very attractive at first but for some reason something about her made me lose interest to pursue her further, she very rarely smiles, her face is always totally expressionless, when I talked to her she was responsive but like a robot. With the absence of any sign of interest, I got discouraged and never tried to know her further. Then a female friend told me that she is likely likes me (I dunno why she told me so but maybe she knows something) but still I forgot about it.

I guess Cafeaulait, hurtloam and Hale_bopp have this problem.



savvyidentity
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2013
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 450

29 Dec 2013, 5:19 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Yeah, I guess girls are the ones who really often do the first move through their gestures, body language, excessive flirting...etc

She selects through these ways and wait.... the "guy asking her out" part is just a final test for his confidence.



Yeah, confidence is very expected, as if he doesn't have that it's just not going to happen for either of them. Womens dating advise (for long term at least) seems to come down to being more selective, mens dating advise seems to be almost all chalked up to confidence. I think a lot of that advise falls short though (it's not 'quite' enough), as not everyone out there is a master of the universe after a quick search on youtube.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Maybe that's where some of the aspie women here fail?




I think in the end there is more basic reasons (we have poor social skills, no?), but I could see poor selection being an issue as I can't honestly say that I am good at choosing 'who to date'.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Sadly, most guys have very low selection criteria , so they would try to take any opportunity they can get.


I get you there. I used to have the conviction that having criteria beyond being good looking and honest was excessive, but it turns out I lied to myself to make things 'easier'.



savvyidentity
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2013
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 450

29 Dec 2013, 5:33 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I must admit, the only girls I've ever dared to ask them out where very friendly, flirty and smiling to me.


Same here, they have to respond well, I consider her being willing to show that she can say yes to me (to a date but not to her bed) without much of a fuss, as being part of what she should she do. That's partly because I feel women see a date as too much of a big deal, but being relaxed in your company I think shows she's interested and may perhaps be more open to putting in some of the effort. I just can't be dealing with women who are 'interested but not that interested' or just act that way, and thus let me make all the moves.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

That reminds me of girl whom I found very attractive at first but for some reason something about her made me lose interest to pursue her further, she very rarely smiles, her face is always totally expressionless, when I talked to her she was responsive but like a robot. With the absence of any sign of interest, I got discouraged and never tried to know her further. Then a female friend told me that she is likely likes me (I dunno why she told me so but maybe she knows something) but still I forgot about it.

I guess Cafeaulait, hurtloam and Hale_bopp have this problem.


I suppose clamming up may be a sign of being nervous around you. Not every girl is confident the same way not every guy is confident. Not smiling or being expressive must be an issue, I have in fact had a woman approach me in a nightclub and just insist that I smile, and when I bemusedly complied she told me "that's much better", then when I passed her again she insisted again that I smile. Result - I was nagged into smiling for the rest of the night.



Yuzu
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Dec 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,169
Location: Bay area, California

29 Dec 2013, 5:37 pm

I've only read this page but I just remembered this video from another thread http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp4731650 ... t=#4731650

"Courtship is almost always a matter of female choice. And in a bar it's the woman who makes the first move. She does this by producing an approach tell..."
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBOtj1RmaUE[/youtube]



Sweetleaf
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 31,661
Location: Somewhere in Colorado

29 Dec 2013, 5:43 pm

OMG I has it so much easier being a female.....if you mean its easier to get laid by someone who will just abandon you.


_________________
Fascism is a disease.


savvyidentity
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2013
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 450

29 Dec 2013, 5:46 pm

Yuzu wrote:
I've only read this page but I just remembered this video from another thread http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp4731650 ... t=#4731650

"Courtship is almost always a matter of female choice. And in a bar it's the woman who makes the first move. She does this by producing an approach tell..."


Neat.

The book I mentioned - "Body Language what you need to know" - is an easy and nicely illustrated read if anyone cares for this kind of thing.



savvyidentity
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jul 2013
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 450

29 Dec 2013, 5:55 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
OMG I has it so much easier being a female.....if you mean its easier to get laid by someone who will just abandon you.


Us males have such an easy time approaching awkward women who are often rude or belligerent, it is so easy to go up, be the one who makes all the conversation, be the one who is charming and makes her laugh, offers her a drink, and seals the deal at the right time and getting her number, calls her in the next two days (with many women if you text her you're out). This is sooo easy for any aspie to do, including females :wink:



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,606
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

29 Dec 2013, 7:01 pm

I'm beginning to think this whole dating malarkey isn't for me. I don't have the self confidence to believe that doing all those signals, glancing, hair flicking stuff would be met with anything but ridicule. I've developed a method of staying blank to protect myself growing up it's my default safety setting, keep my head down don't get shouted at. Don't know if I'll ever trust anyone enough to change.



billiscool
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Feb 2006
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,989

29 Dec 2013, 7:13 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
OMG I has it so much easier being a female.....if you mean its easier to get laid by someone who will just abandon you.


well,try being an aspie man,where women won't even talk to you.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 30,093
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

30 Dec 2013, 7:54 am

savvyidentity wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I must admit, the only girls I've ever dared to ask them out where very friendly, flirty and smiling to me.


Same here, they have to respond well, I consider her being willing to show that she can say yes to me (to a date but not to her bed) without much of a fuss, as being part of what she should she do. That's partly because I feel women see a date as too much of a big deal, but being relaxed in your company I think shows she's interested and may perhaps be more open to putting in some of the effort. I just can't be dealing with women who are 'interested but not that interested' or just act that way, and thus let me make all the moves.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

That reminds me of girl whom I found very attractive at first but for some reason something about her made me lose interest to pursue her further, she very rarely smiles, her face is always totally expressionless, when I talked to her she was responsive but like a robot. With the absence of any sign of interest, I got discouraged and never tried to know her further. Then a female friend told me that she is likely likes me (I dunno why she told me so but maybe she knows something) but still I forgot about it.

I guess Cafeaulait, hurtloam and Hale_bopp have this problem.


I suppose clamming up may be a sign of being nervous around you. Not every girl is confident the same way not every guy is confident. Not smiling or being expressive must be an issue, I have in fact had a woman approach me in a nightclub and just insist that I smile, and when I bemusedly complied she told me "that's much better", then when I passed her again she insisted again that I smile. Result - I was nagged into smiling for the rest of the night.



And oh, to make things more discouraging, she was used to have an "iffy" mood expression too, like she is lightly annoyed all the time.



Dantac
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jan 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,672
Location: Florida

30 Dec 2013, 6:47 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
OMG I has it so much easier being a female.....if you mean its easier to get laid by someone who will just abandon you.


...yet you conveniently skip the fact that a relationship did happen before that. See, that's the big difference here. It really is easier for you to get into a relationship but its just as hard as it is for AS guys for that relationship to work. Being awkward and seemingly not confident is not a turn-off for guys.

In contrast, a guy that does not appear confident (aka, the social 'performance' via speech pattern and body language) has practically no chance with any girl.

Having guys 'hit' on you is a self esteem builder even if those turn out into sour relationships. For guys, constant rejection/failure to even get a first date and not having relationship is a self esteem killer. Both situations turn into vicious cycles of their own. Its like a candle burning itself from both ends.