What does it mean? When a woman says...

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Could it not also be due to a bunch of ableist bigotry? For example, I've seen some women on dating forums claim that they would never date an aspie because they all have the "emotional maturity of 15 year old", and they generalise about the label.

I'm not sure if we could call it ableist or not. Certainly they have no notion of the condition or how it affects the individual, so certainly ignorance and probably prejudice. However I would not use ableism when referring to dating - unlike employment or renting a place, dating is very personal with a lot of choices. For example: many people would choose not to date me for a variety of reasons, probably the two most obvious being a debilitating autoimmune disease, and also moderate autism. I would not call that ableism, because on my bad days when I am unable to do anything because of the autoimmune disease, I will also be unable to do housework. It is their choice to date someone who will be incapable of that at times, as it is their choice to date someone who may not be mature, or may not be completely self sufficient. And to be fair, to be completely self sufficient, one must have passable people skills, be able to deal with conflict efficiency and be able to maintain their boundaries in relation to others. It is something we happen to generally suck at due to our condition, but it does not mean it is not a valid measurement all the same. It becomes a choice for them to choose to date someone with that or not.

this is a terribly confusing thread. I'm usually able to work out the nuances even in the most complex scenarios but this one I am not sure at all.

Let's have a go anyway..(please correct if wrong):

a) You liked one or two girls and mentioned this to your female friend(s) who are already married or in a relationship.
b) this woman or women friend(s) told you 'You are not ready' in response to you expressing a romantic interest in these other women (descriptions of which have not been given)
c) you have dated in the past and have introduced girlfriends to your parents in the past
d) you have been hearing 'You are not ready' in response to expressing interest in dating various females since the age of 10
e) we can only assume you were not told You are not ready when expressing interest in the females who ended up being your girlfriends in the past - but this is an important point so please clarify


Off the top of my head I would say that people who are not on the spectrum have absolutely no chance of knowing how you think or how you cannot think and would therefore base their advice on their own personal experience which in this case would seem to suggest they felt you were not in the correct place emotionally and maybe even intellectually to engage in a relationship with those particular women. Some people require a much higher degree of investment on all fronts in order to have a relationship with them and some are not as demanding. These friends of yours were just making a comparison assessment based on their knowledge of you and their knowledge or observation of those women you liked and concluding that you don't have what it takes to go out with those particular women in that particular moment in time. The fact they didn't say 'forget about it' or 'don't even go there' would suggest to me that they thought that given some attitude or belief changes on your part, you would stand a chance.

my 2 cents..

Can't win this.