why doesn't anybody ever want me?

Post Reply New Topic

seriously, I get nothing but rejection. I even just gave up on OKCupid because I still get rejected. Hell, I'm in love with my best friend ( I mentioned it before, but it's only more recently that it became clear to me that she's my best friend and my former best friend is just more of a brother ) and she's starting to date another friend she used to date. Am I just completely undateable? 32 years old and never a single date...really just want to kill myself at this point...

I feel the same, personally, like I'm not really worth knowing and loving.

Hope you feel better soon

It's because you don't know how to portray yourself in an attractive manner. It's not you; it's a skill you just lack. The good news is that it's a skill anyone can learn!

At the most fundamental level, women are attracted to looks and social skills (we can lump personality with social skills). Yes, even looks can be significantly improved, i.e. lose body fat, gain muscle, good sense of style, and great body language. Looks isn't just about how shapely your body is though--it's also about the image/persona your portray. And with social skills...yeah, that's probably the most challenging area for aspies, but it can be done! I'm far from perfect, but I've dated many NTs.

If you're serious about learning social skills, I would first focus on learning how to read body language. After that, study this site. It was written by an aspie who has figured out how to succeed socially! Learning social and female psychology will also help.

Women can easily tell how attractive you are from your OKCupid profile. For example, your profile says a lot about your personality, and thus the kind of social skills you probably have. You have to keep in mind that there are thousands of other guys you're competing with online, so it's pretty cutthroat. You really need a way to stand out...in a good way...to get noticed. Online also focuses more on looks because that's mostly all she can experience until you two meet.

Give it a shot. Make it fun. Make it about a journey where you learn and experience new things in life. Don't take your results personally because it's all one BIG SOCIAL EXPERIMENT! Life has so much to offer if you have just the right attitude.

Quick tip: It's much harder to turn a friendship into a romance than it is to turn a romance into friendship. So when you meet a girl, and you decide you'd like to get to know her romantically, don't get to know her too well or you'll end up being friends. It take a lot of skill (if you don't have the skill, a lot of luck and/or work) to convert friends into lovers/girlfriends.

The ones who want it the most get the least, it is a cardinal rule for aspie men.
Welcome to the paradox. Reject reality and substitute your own.

Nothing is working, that is clear. I see your only option being zeal. That is not to say more effort... how many times you must have been told that... countless i am sure.

It's unreasonable to expect this circumstance would not drown you.

Just know that it IS when you KNOW you will get the girl that you will. You're aiming at one girl, and not giving other girls the chance to prove themselves to you... and as such, they will not give you the light of day either. Look around you. Who are those people, those girls? When you want to know, things will change. When you know you're about to get one worth her salt, you will suddenly have her.

But this ONE girl? You must not know what she wants. If you did, you'd clearly see it is not you, or it would be you. Look at others. At what they want. You're thinking... i like this one. When you must think, does this one like ME?

Perhaps. LeLetch is not king of all things.

LeLetch, paradoxes indicate errors in one's understanding of reality. Reality is simply there for us to discover and understand. Confusion is not a reflection of reality but rather our misunderstanding of it.

Rejecting reality is the essence of irrational thought. It's dangerous, wishful thinking. It's fantasy. Will you be strong and face reality? Or will you be weak and attempt to ignore it?

Last edited by Ctrl_F4 on 02 Oct 2013, 12:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

Irrational thought is the bridge to deeper understanding and imagination. What's irrational is being dateless by the age stated by the OP. That is the world you embrace. An irrational one on so many levels. Better to build a reality from the ground up. I chuckle at how things really are. To understand them and absorb the meaning of the world is to absorb chaos. I understand it well enough. I prefer not to internalize it. I understand my own irrationality. Generally. However, it seems viable, and is far more fun. I always loop around back to logical reality. Even my irrationality is logic based you know. I AM aspie . It's just amusing to see where you end up sometimes.

You go with the flow and expect i go against the river. I'm not in the river at all.

Something like that. You discover more truths when you fly off course for a while. Doing the same things day in and day out, you will only learn the same things, if you learn them at all. If you kick a soccer ball against a wall long enough, you'll assume soccer balls always return when kicked.
My reality is rather accurate, and i find it laughable. To most, life is a series of distractions. I'm going to do something else, please and thankyou.

*yawn* Sleep time.

newageretrohippie, if you're thinking about suicide, please reach out for help. Here are some aspies you can speak with:

http://aspieline.org/

------------------------------------------------

LeLetch, it doesn't sound like you know what irrational thought is. Your examples also commit various categorical errors.

Make no mistake--it's delusional to think one can create reality. There is only ONE reality. Rejecting this self-evident truth is to reject reality because that is the nature of reality. You're twisting definitions by way of moving goal posts. The more abstract the concepts, the more rigorous one must be.

To be blunt, that was stream of thought and I've been grasping your logic less and less every post. Not to say you're illogical, id point that finger more quickly in my own direction. I was taking a stab in the dark. I blame 25% of that on exhaustion. I'll see if i can wrap my head around all this in the morning. Nighty!

P.S. you can create your own reality in an emotional context because an emotion is always true to the person feeling it. Delusions have such a bad rap.

LeLetch, I'm glad you're able to admit that you were taking a stab at the dark. You are speaking on philosophical topics; philosophy deals with the fundamental nature of man and reality. These are abstract topics, so rigor and precise language is of utmost importance. As with any science, the less familiar one is with the technical jargon, the more difficult it is to follow. That is not to say that not anyone can understand philosophy, but if one is interested in philosophy, one must be committed to accuracy and rigor, as with any science.

In other words, you admit to not quite understanding what irrational thought is, so to preach about it is akin to the blind leading the blind. We certainly don't want of that around here, do we?

P.S. Again, you can not create reality. By definition, you cannot. You are rather describing an understanding of reality. Because understanding is volitional, it is subject to error. The defense against error is logic. Errors are caused by logical mistakes and irrational thinking.

If no one wants you, then change the features about yourself which are undesirable.

Post your pic, your job level/income, what are your assets(car, appartment...).
Then we can see if there's an obvious problem or not, before going into the more subtle ones.

Appearance can be a problem, but job/income and assets are not unless you're homeless. They help, but they're not really that impactful. I typically don't tell women what I do for a living or how much money I make until we've been going out for a while. If they ask early on, I dodge the question (for a variety of reasons that will take too much time to explain).

maybe ur ugly and still live with your mom? no offence

just a possibility...

If both of these are the case then just tell ur mom I QUIT I"M RUNNING AWAY then slam the door then use your mom's money to buy new clothes, a haircut, and gym membership. Once you get ripped, you will have the confidence to approach women and they will be intimidated by your big manly muscles and perfect hair they will have to say yes when you ask them out.

That depends on how good looking he is. The better looking he is, the more likely women would be more forgiving of income, car, or not having his own place. Men are more forgiving to women with better looks as well.

We need a pic or link to the OP's profile for diagnosis.