What is the Divorce Rate for Aspies?

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I know for NTs the divorce rate is 50%. Is the rate lower when one of the partners has Asperger's Syndrome?

What if BOTH partners have Asperger's?

This is quoted from the book 'Asperger Syndrome and Long-Term Relationships' by Ashley Stanford.

"...the divorce rate for couples in which one partner has AS may be as high as 80 percent."

http://books.google.com/books?id=NyGJHa ... es&f=false

Did the book go into details about the cause of the higher incidence? Is it because of the communication problems? Is it because aspies are more likely to quit on a relationship?

I remember hearing somewhere in some kind of documentary thing about autism that said either two thirds or three fourths of parents who have autistic kids get divorced. Sense Aspergers is part of autism & it can run in families that implies that most Aspie parents who have kids on the spectrum get divorced.

"The divorce rate for < name of group > may be as high as < random number > percent." == "We have no idea how high the divorce rate for < name of group > so we're going to say < random number > percent, so as to sell more books."

Who says that the divorce rate is 50% for NTs? That's a general population rate and is usually based on number of marriages and divorces in a given year. Very few people divorce within the same year of marriage (and it's illegal to do so in some jurisdictions). So it's a very weird figure and not predictive of any given marriage.

I'd argue that this 80% number is also really sketchy. Unless it was a long term cohort study, I can't imagine how it was derived. If it was for couples presenting in therapy - they're already on shaky ground.

However, I could say from my experience it doesn't FEEL wrong. It's exhausting and demoralising being married to my AS symptomatic husband.

What you can learn from this is that both partners may have to try a bit harder to make things work if there's an organic reason that one partner has trouble communicating, detecting non-verbal communications or even worse has sensory issues which may make a satisfactory sex life difficult.

its 65% for couples in which the male has Autism.

for females with Autism, it's higher at 75%. A part of the reason why the divorce rare is so high, is because females with Aspergers are rarer and those that are diagnosed at an early age usually have more severe symptoms.


Theres no statistics for couples where both have Aspergers.

That's... really depressing...

You can choose to be depressed by that number (however it was derived) or you can choose to think positively.

The divorce rate is not predictive of how any given marriage will end.

Yes, you are a wired in a way that makes it more difficult to sustain a happy, healthy marriage. But so are many other people who are "neurotypical".

External factors that are correlated with a high degree of marriage stability are age at marriage and education level. So get yourself educated and don't latch on to the first girl you date. Don't rush into marriage because you fear it may be your only chance.

Inside the relationship, contempt is the great poison of marriage. This is where you and your partner will need to work hard. Harder than in an NT/NT relationship. ASD traits are great breeding grounds for contempt. Rigid thinking may prevent you from seeing marriage and family roles in a flexible way and thus you may feel that your partner is letting you down when she's thinks you should just be more adaptable. Aspie behaviour from an NT perspective often feels contemptuous even when it's not meant to be. But taking for granted how your behaviour can affect others is contemptuous. You may feel that you need downtime more than your partner, and that may be true. But she will need downtime, too. Sometimes we all have to step up when we don't feel like it. Making the extra effort is appreciated. Disappearing into your special interest when stuff needs to get done is infuriating. If my husband had spent 25% of the time on our relationship that he spent on his special interest, things wouldn't be as bad as they are.

From an NT perspective, I can now see how my husband freaked out when I needed extra support because he couldn't express empathy with my situation or perhaps didn't feel it. When I had a death in the family he KNEW that he was meant to be supportive and he was. Very. Looking back, because we are from different cultures that deal with death very differently, I told him very explicitly what would happen and how he was supposed to act. I didn't suspect ASD at that time (though all the signs were there). In other very stressful situations in my life, he couldn't see how I needed support and not only didn't provide it but freaked out from my negative energy significantly adding to my stress.

Now there's so much negative past history, that I don't think we'll be able to overcome it. Contempt has crept in. We both have high levels of resentment. And frankly I'm exhausted from walking on eggshells all the time. And there is a LOT more going on than just ASD. He comes from a high-conflict, verbally abusive family and is acting out this way. It's not tolerable I'm here to try to learn to deal with him constructively because we have a son together and I want us to co-parent effectively.

So I guess I would also say that you (and everyone) probably have some additional factors in your makeup and history that make relationships more difficult. Find and work on those, too. And you probably have some inherent qualities and ways that you've learned to deal with things that make relationships easier, too. Find and emphasise these.