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jinto1986
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24 Oct 2013, 10:50 pm

I have been taking this martial arts class for a while now, and lately this girl has shown up who I get along pretty well with. I am very tempted to ask her out as we seem to have a lot in common, the only problem is she is just 20 whereas I am 27. There aren't any age of consent issues, but I am just wondering... is it appropriate... would it make things weird... etc. This is especially true as her mom also is in the class (I think because she has some issues that I found out about when looking up her facebook page). So any advice?



lost561
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24 Oct 2013, 10:56 pm

Are you friends with her on Facebook or stalking her? Also I feel that 7 years is ok as far as an age gap goes. As long as her parents don't try to disown her or anything than it wouldn't be right to try and date her. If you've already a stablished friendship than it might be hard to show that your interested now depending on how long you've been friends and might make things very awkward.



jinto1986
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24 Oct 2013, 11:00 pm

I looked up her Facebook page once because quite honestly, she looks like she could be anywhere from 15 to 25 (and I presume she lives with her mom... of course now I know why), so I wanted to know her age before I asked her out or got closer or anything. We have only know each other like 2 months, and don't get many chances to talk but we definitely get along. If she was 24 I would ask her out in a heartbeat... 20 is just a bit different.

P.S. I have absolutely no experience with this sort of thing.



nick007
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25 Oct 2013, 2:00 am

I personally don't think an age difference like that should be a big deal. Us Aspies tend to mature at lower rates than our peers; various sources say on average an Aspie's mental age is a 3rd less than their physical age so if that was true of you would be 18 mentally. I'm not saying that figure is true of you in every way because each Aspie can be different in various ways but when it comes to relationships most of us are behind our peers with experience. We also tend to have problems with NTs when it comes to getting & maintaining relationships & you didn't specify what her problems were but depending on what they are & her being younger it makes sense that you could find her more relatable & easy to talk to. The main problems with age differences is what everyone else thinks; not that you should care too much but considering how she's younger & lives with her mom & that her mom is taking the class with her & how she has some problems; her mom probably has some influence/power over her. But sense her mom is taking the class with her; her mom is able to get an impression of you & if you find the girl easy to talk to & are friends her mom probably doesn't have a problem with the two of you being friends so you must be making a good or at least OK impression with her mom. Suddenly asking her out on a date might be kind of a shock & sense your friends it might be good to try asking her to do something like a friendship activity like going to a movie of various other places to go. She might get the hint that you like her & you two can get to know each other alittle better before suddenly becoming romantic.


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sunshower
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25 Oct 2013, 5:49 am

I would go for it. I mean, you have nothing to lose. Plus I agree with other posters in that as aspies we tend to mature later/slower so it makes sense to date people younger than ourselves. The guys I've dated have been 2 years, 5.5 years, and 2 years (current bf) younger than me.


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babybird
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25 Oct 2013, 10:37 am

I don't really see 7 years as to much of an age gap.

I was in an age gap relationship with a man 24 years older than me, I was 22 when I met him, and he was quite a good looking guy. The relationship lasted for 15 years but really it should have only lasted about 4 or 5 years, but we were really good friends so it was difficult to call it a day.

I think if you have a lot in common and it feels right you should go for it.

I wish you well.


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micfranklin
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25 Oct 2013, 10:41 am

7 years isn't asking too much but that depends on the person. My girlfriend now is 32, while I turned 26 only a month ago.



LucySnowe
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25 Oct 2013, 3:15 pm

Depending on maturity, I'd say go for it and ask her out. As has been said before, 7 years isn't a lot, and if you two work out, it'll seem like less as you get older.