Slightly underweight or curvy/slightly overweight?

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TheDoctor82
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25 Dec 2013, 6:29 pm

Actually I'm really skinny; but it's just genetics.



Merle
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25 Dec 2013, 8:43 pm

Give me thin/skinny, any day of the week.

I can work with skinny, I like how skinny looks, buying gifts for skinny is easy.

I like models. I like waifs. I like girls that can throw on tight and loose and look good without going all ape about how outfits no longer fit them.



TheDoctor82
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25 Dec 2013, 8:46 pm

Yeah, but then you have 50 million renditions of "does this make me look fat?"



Merle
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25 Dec 2013, 8:48 pm

TheDoctor82 wrote:
Yeah, but then you have 50 million renditions of "does this make me look fat?"


HAHA! The funny thing is that the skinny girls that I've dated have asked that - and I've told them "yes" simply "just because" and they either laugh of shrug it off.

The curvy/overweight ones are the ones that get all bent out of shape. Heck, even if I said "no" (sweat pants/shirt does wonders I suppose) I still get into the stupid games.

Then the fight ensues. Then the "you don't like how I look" and the "you never cared for me" and "blah blah blah" sets in.

I go and read a book then.



TheDoctor82
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25 Dec 2013, 8:51 pm

For some reason, albeit slightly off topic, this kinda reminds me of when people go thru mid-life crisis, and my question is always: why are you trying to relive your younger days, and be attractive to younger people? Is being Prom King really still that high of a priority for you?



leafplant
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26 Dec 2013, 10:25 am

Merle wrote:
Give me thin/skinny, any day of the week.

I can work with skinny, I like how skinny looks, buying gifts for skinny is easy.

I like models. I like waifs. I like girls that can throw on tight and loose and look good without going all ape about how outfits no longer fit them.



It has been said that men who prefer waif thin ladies are not really heterosexual or have some sort of psychological issue with mommy. Either way, if a man is regarding the woman he is with in a dehumanising way (something to put on the arm to make oneself look good perhaps?), we are not looking at a healthy relationship. Apologies for singling this out, but the post was a poster child for the age of affectation we seem to be living in.

(so sorry if this sounds rude - I used to like WP because you could discuss anything, but I'm finding I'm always getting into trouble lately, so if this is out of order, apologies, it's just me playing at being a armchair psychologist)


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Merle
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26 Dec 2013, 11:34 am

leafplant wrote:
Merle wrote:
Give me thin/skinny, any day of the week.

I can work with skinny, I like how skinny looks, buying gifts for skinny is easy.

I like models. I like waifs. I like girls that can throw on tight and loose and look good without going all ape about how outfits no longer fit them.


It has been said that men who prefer waif thin ladies are not really heterosexual or have some sort of psychological issue with mommy. Either way, if a man is regarding the woman he is with in a dehumanising way (something to put on the arm to make oneself look good perhaps?), we are not looking at a healthy relationship. Apologies for singling this out, but the post was a poster child for the age of affectation we seem to be living in.

(so sorry if this sounds rude - I used to like WP because you could discuss anything, but I'm finding I'm always getting into trouble lately, so if this is out of order, apologies, it's just me playing at being a armchair psychologist)


Yeah, OT but I'll play (it's a Thursday and I don't want to go to work just yet).

In this day and age, obesity is near epidemic. We see it in the results of studies, the diets that many eat, and simply by walking down the street of America (where I reside). As a male, if we are successful, we of course want our "goods" such as home, automobile, and the like to reflect it. This means driving a MBZ or BMW, whereas a TOY would do just as well. This means we wear a shirt and a tie, even though a hoodie is more comfortable.

So if I want someone who is "special" and an eye-turner, so be it. I will also buy her diamonds and cashmere, to showcase who she is and how special she is - to me. And this will also set her apart from everyone else.

She's good looking and capable.

Is that so wrong? Wanting something that is special and not typical?

As for "mommy issues", I find it difficult to imagine anyone that doesn't have some sort of "mommy issues" when you look at it in the context of their parental relationships. The truth of the matter is that relativism matters when calling something out like this. I have had a really good relationship with her, even after decades of back and forth. When I've fallen, she's been there even allowing me to move back home. She's helped me out financially, and is available to swing on by and have a chat. We go out to breakfast periodically and lunch (just last week) and dinner... periodically. Do I want someone like her? No, as I saw her relationship with her and my father implode - but I'm still on good terms with both and as an adult, understand the mistakes that were made.

Regardless...

I like red heads, blondes and brunettes. Girls who are thin/athletic. Girls that can go to a coffee shop with me and have a conversation on politics, mathematics, sociology or we could just people watch. On the weekends, we'd go do something and that would be snow-shoeing or ski/snow-boarding.

I've had that, and have had girls who were overweight and had a problem "keeping up". I made due, but realized that it wasn't what I wanted as I kept pushing and tried to change them into a person who would be capable of doing what I liked to do.



leafplant
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26 Dec 2013, 11:43 am

Merle wrote:
Yeah, OT but I'll play (it's a Thursday and I don't want to go to work just yet).

I thought you said you were snowboarding today?

Quote:
In this day and age, obesity is near epidemic. We see it in the results of studies, the diets that many eat, and simply by walking down the street of America (where I reside). As a male, if we are successful, we of course want our "goods" such as home, automobile, and the like to reflect it. This means driving a MBZ or BMW, whereas a TOY would do just as well. This means we wear a shirt and a tie, even though a hoodie is more comfortable.

So if I want someone who is "special" and an eye-turner, so be it. I will also buy her diamonds and cashmere, to showcase who she is and how special she is - to me. And this will also set her apart from everyone else.

She's good looking and capable.

Is that so wrong? Wanting something that is special and not typical?


Honestly, I have no idea about the right and wrong. But you still paint a picture of commercialism and displaced relating - I mean you are still describing this other person in terms of an object, a toy.

I'm just interested, that's all, if this objectification is maybe a reflection of autism, and perhaps it isn't possible to relate to others in the same way that NTs do, even when we want to. I just don't know.

I reflect on my relationships and realise that even with the understanding I have of people I am never really 'connecting' in the way that other people do - or the way I observe them connecting. Do you find you connect with your partners, whatever their size?

Does the size really matter in terms of whether you are able to connect with that other person?



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26 Dec 2013, 11:49 am

I get that everyone has personal preferences as far as the way they might like a partner to look.....I do too. But, I also remain open to the idea that someone who is right for me in every other way may not look the way I would like them to look. And I'd much rather not preclude having the kind of relationship I want simply because I can't accept something less than my physical ideal.

I guess for me, a relationship is not so much about doing as it is about being. I discovered (probably too late in my life for it to be a useful piece of knowledge) that if I am with the right person, it absolutely does not matter what we do. We can do what he wants, we can do what I want, we can do what we both want, we can do what neither wants - it's simply that being together is enough for both of us. The rest of it is kind of irrelevant.



leafplant
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26 Dec 2013, 12:24 pm

Eureka13 wrote:
I get that everyone has personal preferences as far as the way they might like a partner to look.....I do too. But, I also remain open to the idea that someone who is right for me in every other way may not look the way I would like them to look. And I'd much rather not preclude having the kind of relationship I want simply because I can't accept something less than my physical ideal.

I guess for me, a relationship is not so much about doing as it is about being. I discovered (probably too late in my life for it to be a useful piece of knowledge) that if I am with the right person, it absolutely does not matter what we do. We can do what he wants, we can do what I want, we can do what we both want, we can do what neither wants - it's simply that being together is enough for both of us. The rest of it is kind of irrelevant.


Yeah, that's what I want, but the question is really - is there someone like that out there for me. I have this very strong feeling like there isn't. :cry:



Eureka13
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26 Dec 2013, 12:43 pm

leafplant wrote:
Eureka13 wrote:
I get that everyone has personal preferences as far as the way they might like a partner to look.....I do too. But, I also remain open to the idea that someone who is right for me in every other way may not look the way I would like them to look. And I'd much rather not preclude having the kind of relationship I want simply because I can't accept something less than my physical ideal.

I guess for me, a relationship is not so much about doing as it is about being. I discovered (probably too late in my life for it to be a useful piece of knowledge) that if I am with the right person, it absolutely does not matter what we do. We can do what he wants, we can do what I want, we can do what we both want, we can do what neither wants - it's simply that being together is enough for both of us. The rest of it is kind of irrelevant.


Yeah, that's what I want, but the question is really - is there someone like that out there for me. I have this very strong feeling like there isn't. :cry:


Yeah, my question is even tougher: is there another someone like that out there for me? What are the chances (especially considering I live in such a low-population area) I can find someone like that TWICE? :(



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26 Dec 2013, 1:10 pm

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it's simply that being together is enough for both of us. The rest of it is kind of irrelevant.


Why, that's why I find this whole focus on shared interests kinda of ridiculous to me, shared interests are bonus but they are not all.



Eureka13
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26 Dec 2013, 1:32 pm

I see the shared interests as an ice-breaker, a way to open a dialogue with another person, so having something in common can serve as a conduit to really getting to know someone. If you can't talk, how are you gonna interact enough to find out if you and this other person share other, deeper, more meaningful similarities?

But, no, there's no reason whatsoever that two people in a relationship should share exactly the same interests, all of them. Even one minor common interest may be enough to open the door to mutual discovery.



TheGoggles
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26 Dec 2013, 1:51 pm

I actually prefer slightly overweight. I'm in the normal range myself, but I need to work on muscle definition a lot more.

I did have a short-lived thing with a woman who was significantly overweight, though.

"You look like you're in a lot of pain right now. You alright?"

"Nope, it's all good! Just fine!"

I got bruises where no bruise has ever gone before.



smudge
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26 Dec 2013, 2:29 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
it's simply that being together is enough for both of us. The rest of it is kind of irrelevant.


Why, that's why I find this whole focus on shared interests kinda of ridiculous to me, shared interests are bonus but they are not all.


I've never got it either. I find shared beliefs is more valuable. Even then, if you're both tolerant of those beliefs then what's the problem?


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26 Dec 2013, 3:00 pm

Eh, weight is such a sensitive issue.

I can be physically attracted to women that range from thin to slightly overweight. Anyone too thin or more than slightly overweight I find it difficult to find attractive, while it is possible.

I feel extremely guilty about it too.. The logical part of me says I shouldn't, I'll be attracted to what I'm attracted to but the emotional part still feels bad.



TBH, I just wish I was blind..