Ever feel you can't manage your life AND date?

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It's definitely an either/or proposition for me. I manage my life by scheduling it. (Not on paper, just in my head.) I do this not because I love schedules, but because I've found it's the best way to make sure everything gets done. It's also the most efficient method, leaving me with maximum down time. I can't understand people who's life is always in a flurry, and who seem to even enjoy it! I'm like, "Dude(t), disorganization is NOT something to be proud of, or glad for."

But back to dating .....I either have to date, or live. I can't do both, and it stresses me out to try. It's hard to say to an interested woman, "I like you, but I like survival better. Sorry."

Now, some people say that "When you meet the right person, it changes everything." This is untrue, of course, but meeting a very appealing person does change some things, like my judgment. I ask myself, "What would it take for me?" If a beautiful woman in her 20's who loves the Lord, primarily enjoys Classical music, has no kids, wants no kids, and who is a genius came along, I might be pursuaded. What can I say? I'm easy to please.

there's no point in dating. exept to waste money on someone else, just tell her what you want (sex) and thats it. if she wants kids tell her no lol. and always remember the rubber,,,,,,you dont need unessisary worry

Well, that's where I'd be headed, except I'm a Christian and don't believe in sex outside of marriage. So, it's chastity time for me when marriage is out of the picture. I read a recent news story saying that women are high-testosterone guys for affairs, but they're attracted to lower-testosterone guys for husbands, so I end up getting only attention from women who want a fling, and I don't believe in that, so it's definitely a predickament. (haha)

So, I just throw my energies into working and college, and I'll waste a lot less time and money, and of my life in general, just forgetting about women and focusing on my career.

see thats exactly my problem with christianity, "you cant have sex, before marriage" to set things strieght jesus never said you had to be married to have sex. paul did, paul was a man. jesus more than likely wasnt. i dont believe anything men say or write.

I am that way a lot too. Once I start dating someone, I think "I miss my free time/alone time. Is sex really enough to make me have a wacky schedule that stresses me out?" I want to be in love so badly, have that "normal" and fulfilling relationship. I am with someone now, and I care for her very deeply, but the fact that I have to change things around a bit makes me freak out a bit and question whether I should be with not just her, but anybody. She is completely understanding though (her sister may actually have Aspergers) so there is no reason right now to end it. If I told her that I was freaking out and didnt want to see her a certain day, she would understand.

But back to the point, I completely agree with your feelings.

quit complaining...aspies have enough intelligence to be able to use their brain enough to know how to go about working/and having a relationsship. I'f you meet the right person, who really loves you for who you are, then why the hell would they care if you struggled on getting things done, of course the things in that category, implying aspie-problems, your partner, if they truly love you, know these things about you already, they know you can not change, and nor do they want you to, they love YOU.

Well, except for Matt 15:19 and Mark 7:21, you're right. One reason Jesus didn't talk about it much was people were living under the Law during His ministry, so everyone already knew sex outside marriage was wrong. If He had said these words: "Sex outside marriage is wrong," They'd respond, "Duh! That's your revelation? Everyone knows that!"

Frankly, in practice, I've found that saving myself sexually has spared me endless emotional grief, not to mention kept me safe, happily childless, and as low-stress as an Aspie can reasonably expect to be.

A little off-topic here, but from one Aspie believer to another, it makes me happy to hear that you're waiting. Your views on the matter pretty much match mine.

Anywho, back on topic. Like socializing, making friends, and love, I found personally that it's really hard, damn near impossible to schedule these kinds of things. It would frustrate me when I would, and when I didn't meet my schedule, it would highly agitate me and ruin my mood for a good week.

I've recently come to learn that, for all of our logic that we Aspies possess, there are some things that really can't be explained, planned, or examined in a logical manner to come up with answers and solutions. I'm not discouraging you from trying, though. I'm just saying that trying to apply anything logical to life aspects that are so abstract, like making friends, socializing, love, and dating, is very stress-inducing.

It's best, I think, to just relax and let everything fall into place. Let it happen when and if it's ready to happen. Being stressed can be a huge hamper in getting anything done, especially with Aspies. Again, I speak from experience here.

I wish you luck, though, in your ongoing search.

I can handle both my life and dating as well. Since nothing is really going on in my life except for my goal of having my novels published this year.

Rags.

I'm a christian, but for me, I don't see it as a sin to get some before marriage. and many of my friends who are christian believe that.

many non christian friends believe as you do, but they are the few who are worried about life itself.

I'm the type of guy who wants the fun before marriage, so I can enjoy it during marriage.

The way I see it, aside from the diseases that come from unprotected sex, as long as you aren't going out nightly and deflowering women, and maybe doing it once or twice a week, then there is nothing wrong with it. if you have a special someone in your life, and it's consenual, then you really have nothing to worry about. Now unless you can't get a women and you go to Prostitutes and brothels, then we have a problem houston.

so in my opinon, live a little.

I've found a new way to handle this -- and it has proven to work, at least with one girlfriend: Invite her into your Aspie life, just as it is. Don't change anything for her. If you do, you'll just feel like you're not being appreciated for the real you. And if she can't deal with your life just as it is, she's not the one for you. Well, as I mentioned, I finally found a girl who can deal with me as I am, where I don't have to act NT-ish. Believe me, it's worth waiting for the person who can FULLY accept you, rather than targeting a crush and trying to change yourself to get them to like you.

well I won't wait until I get married to have sex-I can't wait that long
I donno if I wanna lose it to a fling-but I donno if I wanna say no either-when I was around this one girl everything was wonderful-I felt alive and happy, I did my work to get it out of the way, to not get detentions so I could be near her more
what a wonderful few months even though nothing happened between us

managing life is easy: you wake up, do stuff and go to bed.
dating is boring: only time i date is to get sex after it.

This is definitely what you have to do.
Though obviously there are some changes
that have to take place in your life, they should
never be ones which are fundamental to your being.


I can barely manage my life without someone else.
Actually, I think that having someone to impress might
help a bit. I don't do things which might help just me.

I can't manage full-stop.

Life is beginning to crush me as it is. Adding additional weight at this point is a very bad idea.