What's the difference between a secret admirer and a stalker

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(The title should end with a question mark "?" but it won't allow me to type any more characters...)
Just wondering... if I decided to send someone an SMS without identifying myself, what would that be considered?

And Merry Christmas, people...

The term "stalker" shouldn't be used unless the person's doing something illegal despite what some women will try to lead you to believe.

When you catch a stalker looking at you they look to the side, but a secret admirer will look down?

What exactly are you intending to send? And how did you get her number?

One is an euphemism of the other I think.

The difference is spin.

Why do you want to remain anonymous?

From experience I've learned not to do things like that. When I was a teenager I wrote this guy a love letter because I thought it would be romantic. (I cringe looking back that I could be so niave) He wasn't all that happy about it, but he let me down gently.

It's better to get to know someone in person, unless you're internet dating of course.

This is how I understand it:

A secret admirer...I think they fall into two categories: those who may follow you a bit, and those who won't follow you at all. In either case, the main point is that they fancy you but they don't know how to approach you properly, either through shyness or ignorance. This is where you get the sort of engineered "Oh, I just happened to be passing in this hallway" kind of thing as an excuse to talk to you. Alternatively, they might send you an anonymous valentine card or something like that, but they won't follow you in any way and will simply be awkward around you.

A stalker has malevolent intentions. They follow you around everywhere: online, on the street, by text, EVERYWHERE. It's very intense, invasive, and predatory, and these people are clearly dangerous. Their behaviour can't be explained as a shy person who doesn't know better. It's too calculated and too determined.

In short: if a secret admirer follows you around it will be annoying but not much more than that. If a stalker follows you around, it will be intense and invasive and they will be very hard to avoid. It's the quality and the degree of the following more than anything that identifies the stalker.

As for your question about sending an SMS message while remaining anonymous...it could be interpreted that way. At the very least it is bad manners and will leave them feeling uncomfortable. If this wasn't a hypothetical question and you're considering it, then it may be better if you explain to us what you're trying to do and why and then we can suggest a better way to do it that will be less risky.

Merry Christmas!

^^^ agreed. In stalking, there's a serious disregard of the feelings of the "recipient". That's where it gets scary, because the victim is dehumanized into some kind of goal or prize.

The difference between stalking and being a secret admirer is the difference between "This seems like it's ok" an "This doesn't seem like it's ok". Chances are, if you're in doubt, don't.

I would think the secrety admirer doesn't really know much information about their crush, unless they directly asked of it from the crush in previous conversations.

A stalker is more likely to know information without asking directly during a conversation (ie. Facebook creeping, eavesdropping, asking other people information, following her, etc). The Facebook creeping is the most subtle, but can be found out with weird questions about status updates, and inquiries about clothing choices in photos (the clothing photo is more likely going to be an insecurity question from a boyfriend or girlfriend, but stalkerish if there is no such relation)

My fiance had a stalker. It was a woman he went out with one time (long before he met me), and she continued to call and email him regularly for years, even though he had told her nothing was going to ever come of their "relationship" and ultimately stopped answering her calls or responding to her emails.

She would snoop his Facebook page and find out things and send him emails about them (me, for instance). When he stopped answering the phone, she tracked down his mother's phone number and started calling her. She also had her friends start calling him, so he wouldn't recognize the phone number.

This went on for close to three years, including the whole time we were together. A few weeks after he was killed (which I'm amazed she didn't already know), he received another email from her, and I had to respond to her and break the news.

He (also an Aspie) was frankly baffled that she never gave up. At one point I had urged him to either answer one of her calls or emails and specifically ask her to stop contacting him. He did, and it merely caused her to renew her efforts. So, it just kind of became a joke between us (we called her "the stalker"), and he didn't respond ever again.

Weird.

to have admiration for something, or someone is quite unlike following someone around, watching there every move, and trying to make someone like you. stalking someone is no big secret either. it's pritty bold. that secret admirer stuff needs a bit of tact, so the expectations can remain low. if done wrong, and you're not well liked, it can be extremely creepy. try getting to know the person first.

3-5 years or so.

Stalker is the person who illegally tracks someone.

But in most cases, the difference is that:

-If the follower is handsome and attractive = admirer.
-if he's ugly and undesirable = stalker.

Admirer = Welcome Attention
Stalker = Unwelcome Attention