The reason why many are single

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DeathstrokeSJW
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27 Dec 2013, 10:41 pm

I tip my hat to you. And in response, I bid you good luck. It's been six months since my first real relationship ended, but honestly I'm better for it. I discovered things about myself that will better prepare me for my "Beatrice"


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hale_bopp
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27 Dec 2013, 10:58 pm

leafplant wrote:
is because they are looking for a service provider, not someone to have a mutual exchange with.

Just thought I'd put that out there.


I don't know if this is true. Might be for some people but I don't reckon most.



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28 Dec 2013, 5:59 am

leafplant wrote:
aww I am glad I could help!

but if you think it's worth posting in the other forum, please go ahead and do so, specially as you've found the site so helpful - I'm not interested in having the responsibility of such thread (people may expect me to participate!) so please go ahead if you want.


Turns out it had been posted already a few months ago, so I bumped that thread instead. It only had 3 replies. Either other aspies don't find it nearly as interesting as I do or nobody bothered to read it to find out. I really hope more people do!

So, since I got involved in the thread I'd better contribute something on-topic... :)

Dantac wrote:
leafplant wrote:
is because they are looking for a service provider, not someone to have a mutual exchange with.

Just thought I'd put that out there.


You will notice the great majority of 'single' (s) in this community are male.

Take a guess why.


No need to guess - it's been discussed before. Probably the biggest reason is that the majority of members of WP are male. :) But even if you meant "in relative terms" there are still a number of reasons besides the one leafplant suggests:

1) Approaching someone and initiating contact with them can be especially difficult for aspies. Since males are typically expected to do the approaching (and more generally "take the lead") this is more of a hindrance to them.
2) Social skills and confidence are both more important for males than for females in attracting a partner. These are reduced in aspies, which hinders all of them, but males more so than females. I could add "earning capacity" to the list, too, depending on how cynical I feel. ;)
3) The aspie way of thinking and interacting tends to be more masculine, which is a help to females in relating to (most) males, but a hindrance to males in relating to (most) females.

There are probably more, but this is enough. (Hell, #1 alone might be enough to explain it!)

As for the original post - I really don't know if this is a major reason or not. At best I can say I'm pretty sure it doesn't apply to me.


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hurtloam
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28 Dec 2013, 6:31 am

I'm begining to feel like some of these "male" problems apply to me. I feel like my problem is that I'm not approaching men and talking to them so that they can get to know what I'm really like.

No men approach me, so I guess that I've got to learn to do the approaching, but I have little to no self confidence and it doesn't matter how much I blow dry my hair into a fancy hairdo or add mascara to my eyes to make them look bigger or wear a dress that emphasises my figure it seems that I just get stared at and no one talks to me. I've realised I have to change and start approaching men myself. But it feels like I'm not supposed to do it! It's so difficult to go against the grain.



equestriatola
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28 Dec 2013, 8:11 am

Me, because people deliberately avoid me because they think I'm a maniac.


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28 Dec 2013, 8:58 am

FMX wrote:

1) Approaching someone and initiating contact with them can be especially difficult for aspies. Since males are typically expected to do the approaching (and more generally "take the lead") this is more of a hindrance to them.
2) Social skills and confidence are both more important for males than for females in attracting a partner. These are reduced in aspies, which hinders all of them, but males more so than females. I could add "earning capacity" to the list, too, depending on how cynical I feel. ;)
3) The aspie way of thinking and interacting tends to be more masculine, which is a help to females in relating to (most) males, but a hindrance to males in relating to (most) females.

There are probably more, but this is enough. (Hell, #1 alone might be enough to explain it!)



Also, remember the diagnostic ratio is significantly less for women(4:1 M/F). Probably due in part to the fact that non-diagnosed autistic women often have NT boyfriends/husbands which makes them appear to be more normal on the surface.



equestriatola
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28 Dec 2013, 9:06 am

I mean, I have no such luck because I don't know how to ask ANYONE to be my GF, like my old grade school friend.


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28 Dec 2013, 10:27 am

hale_bopp wrote:
leafplant wrote:
is because they are looking for a service provider, not someone to have a mutual exchange with.

Just thought I'd put that out there.


I don't know if this is true. Might be for some people but I don't reckon most.

What is the real reason then for most?



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28 Dec 2013, 12:44 pm

The reason why most people are single is because... (drum rolls)


They don't know how to take their clothes off and touch each other right! :lol:



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28 Dec 2013, 6:11 pm

aspiemike wrote:
I look at Modern society as having become too ego-driven. Too many people are far too concerned with how others view them.

jerry00 wrote:
I would agree with this. Is there any proof of it though? My theory is that natural human relationships are being taken over by economic ones.
And people are becoming more selfish and ego driven as mike said. But I think that's the natural consequence of a society increasingly dependent on capitalism.


Here's an article that touches on what I mentioned: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-22012957


:!:



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28 Dec 2013, 7:17 pm

^Human relationships have always been, in part, economically driven. Even back in the days of cavemen it's the Alpha Male who wins the girl, because he's the big strong protective provider. Now we measure it a little more indirectly in terms of socioeconomic status as men aren't battling each other and beasts in order to bring food home for the fire, they're earning money - so the more money someone has, the better a provider they are, and thus the more attractive they are to others. But it's still really all the same thing, it's just that now it's not just braun that can win the women via being the biggest fastest strongest Alpha Male, it's largely brains that can acquire large sums of money in order to boost one's socioeconomic attractiveness.. hence so many scrawny geeks earning tons of money & attracting beautiful partners.


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28 Dec 2013, 9:12 pm

BlackImage wrote:
I'm single cos i'm too upfront and honest :? well that what one aspie guy told me.
Also i have a strong personality and i'm stubborn


I think people are become too sensitive and have had their backbone nerfed in planet Earth patch 2.1.

In the patch notes it declares:

- Common sense nerfed.
- Reaction time nerfed.
- B.S. Detectors nerfed for most classes except for INTJ and INTP classes.
- Honesty nerfed
- Horrified reactions towards honesty buffed by 25%
- Deception ability for social wizards buffed by 50%
- Mindless Follower skill buffed by 45% Anyone who has not experienced this effect is a hacker and will be nerfed out of existence.


More nerfs and buffs will occur when the management feels like it.

-Thanks



Mrmisunderstood
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29 Dec 2013, 12:12 am

I did not have my first girlfriend till I was 27 because of my Aspergers. I ended up Marrying that women. I would not be married if it wasn't for a close family that set us up. I have no problem dating women I'm set up with but, never able to go out and find one In The club.



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29 Dec 2013, 12:40 am

jerry00 wrote:
Acedia wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Or maybe because they have some condition that prevents them to normally develop interpersonal relationships? Like ......umm....Autism perhaps?


The problem seems to affect, although to a lesser extent, those that have developed typically as well.


Having an ASD makes it even harder. But there's probably more acceptance of people with autism now, but modern society is becoming increasingly unfriendly. More atomized. So in some ways it's worse now


I would agree with this. Is there any proof of it though? My theory is that natural human relationships are being taken over by economic ones.

And people are becoming more selfish and ego driven as mike said. But I think that's the natural consequence of a society increasingly dependent on capitalism.


well, I think the more simplistic version of that is:

Many autistic people can't work or can't keep a job for long, and people consider those who can't work or can't hold down a job to be "losers", regardless of the reason. They're not even likely to be sympathetic to disability reasons of unemployment (including autism).



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29 Dec 2013, 2:20 am

Shebakoby wrote:
jerry00 wrote:
Acedia wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Or maybe because they have some condition that prevents them to normally develop interpersonal relationships? Like ......umm....Autism perhaps?


The problem seems to affect, although to a lesser extent, those that have developed typically as well.


Having an ASD makes it even harder. But there's probably more acceptance of people with autism now, but modern society is becoming increasingly unfriendly. More atomized. So in some ways it's worse now


I would agree with this. Is there any proof of it though? My theory is that natural human relationships are being taken over by economic ones.

And people are becoming more selfish and ego driven as mike said. But I think that's the natural consequence of a society increasingly dependent on capitalism.


well, I think the more simplistic version of that is:

Many autistic people can't work or can't keep a job for long, and people consider those who can't work or can't hold down a job to be "losers", regardless of the reason. They're not even likely to be sympathetic to disability reasons of unemployment (including autism).


well, duh. And why should they? (accept any/all of that.) Seriously. Think about it. How are any of those character/life flaws attractive in the least bit? It's perfectly understandable why someone wouldn't want to date someone who wasn't able to cope with the basics of life as people are all looking for someone to better themselves, not bring them down.

I say this having been someone who was much lower functioning in life than I am now, especially for a 3-4 year or so period. I wasn't capable of working/holding down a job, had a horribly negative mindset, and was quite out of shape.. and thus was unattractive to others. Now that I'm happier, healthier, fitter, and back to work full time.. things are looking up. I'm certainly more attractive to others, but still holding out for the one person in my life I'd like to be with as I continue to work on improving myself in every way I can.


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