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willa
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15 Jan 2014, 7:50 pm

What are the thoughts on ages when dating? My parents were more than 10 years separated but they met when they were in their 40s + 30s. I've heard the rule of thumb is half your age plus 7 and that seems pretty logical.


At 31 now and there's a really cute 19 year old girl I work with who has got a massive crush on me. It's adorable and probably bordering on infatuation atm. I've never been in a situation where a girl has so obviously liked me so I think that's fueling my desire to see what's there. I've spent 3 months now coming up with excuses and reasons to avoid the situation because 30 something and teenager just too much, but before long it'll be early 30s and early 20s and that don't seem as bad.


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yournamehere
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15 Jan 2014, 8:12 pm

age and time is just a number



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15 Jan 2014, 8:51 pm

The next minute of your life is not guaranteed. Never waste any of it worrying about what other people will think.

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willa
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15 Jan 2014, 9:47 pm

Ya, there's more to it than just saying screw it and going for it. I genuinely like her, she's a great person. But as a 19 year old she's still got a lot of growing up to do. She's definitely not immature and definitely not naive like most kids I come across around that age are but frankly no one's the same person at 19 as they will be at 25. Personally from the ages of 18 to 25 I was a solid 7 different people hehe, always changing what it was I thought I was and wanted. Only within the last 5ish years has that really settled down into myself hehe.

Which is why say a 40 year old and 30 year old is different. They've both settled into who they are. In my experience just knowing girls that young, when I was that age and witnessing it later on, young girls in college tend to have a bit of a penchant for professional guys, out of college, older, wiser etc etc. And obviously what guy wouldn't go for a hot 19 year old? :D I dont want to pursue something on thinly veiled pretenses that could ruin not just our friendship but the possibilities of a really great relationship in a few more years.


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crubs
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15 Jan 2014, 9:48 pm

The female was designed to reproduce in her early teens, so what does that tell you? It's natural for guys to attract to adolescent girls. Don't get caught up in the specific numbers, just keep it legal. By the looks of it, there's no problem here.



willa
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15 Jan 2014, 9:53 pm

crubs wrote:
The female was designed to reproduce in her early teens, so what does that tell you? It's natural for guys to attract to adolescent girls. Don't get caught up in the specific numbers, just keep it legal. By the looks of it, there's no problem here.


hehe, if my goal were to put a kid into her belly, house and wifey her up and take care of her for the rest of our lives that'd be all well and great but i'm looking for a best friend to spend a good deal of my life with, so a more compatible personality needs to be considered and finding that in someone 12 years separated at this young of an age seems unlikely.

But what i guess i'm looking for is other success, for lack of a better word, stories of similar situations that have worked out to hopefully eventually justify what seems like an inevitable outcome heh.


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Fogpatrol
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15 Jan 2014, 10:19 pm

My two serious relationship were with girls 8 years younger. Two totally different relation one good and one bad. I don't think the age difference have nothing to do with it.



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15 Jan 2014, 10:28 pm

Age can mean maturity and position in life. At 31 and 19 those two are in very different points in life.


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thewhitrbbit
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16 Jan 2014, 12:13 am

That's a good question.

First of all, "age is just a number" doesn't apply if they aren't legal.

31 and 19, well that can work, I've seen more extreme, but you do have to be careful she's not out for a free ride. There are a lot of young girls who will latch on to a guy for a free ride. Now some will repay the guy with some nice things but some will just take the money and run.
Also, you have to consider that while you may be settled down, she may still be a free spirit.

Why not give it a try?



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16 Jan 2014, 12:15 am

Personally, I wouldn't feel comfortable dating someone a decade my junior; it would be too much like "cradle robbing". My maximum preference is 5 years either way.


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LKL
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16 Jan 2014, 1:22 am

crubs wrote:
The female was designed to reproduce in her early teens, so what does that tell you? It's natural for guys to attract to adolescent girls. Don't get caught up in the specific numbers, just keep it legal. By the looks of it, there's no problem here.

This is not correct. The age when both mother and child are most likely to survive the process is the early- to mid- 20's. Claiming that teens are the best reproductive years is a falsehood that pedophiles and "ephebophiles," who are basically just pedos but don't want to be called that, make up to comfort themselves about being attracted to underage women.



salamandaqwerty
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16 Jan 2014, 1:36 am

She is too young mate. What could you really have in common with a teenager? It would be creepy in my opinion.


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16 Jan 2014, 3:08 am

My 1st girlfriend was 15 when I was 20. My 2nd was when I was 28 & she was 19 & she was more independent than me or at least wanted to be & she had more life-skills than me. The girlfriend I have now is the same age as me thou. My parents are the same age but my grandpa on my mom's side is 7 years older than my grandma & they got married when she was in her late teens. The grandpa on my dad's side was like 12 or 14 years older than my grandma & they got married when she was in her late teens or very early 20s. I know cases of underaged girls dating guys in their mid 20s or older. I personally think age is as important as the two people in the relationship make it out to be. If you like talking to her & take time to get to know her as a friend & see what happens & are careful not to manipulate her or push her with anything; I don't see the problem.


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16 Jan 2014, 4:26 am

Well I can speak from experience as the girl.

I was 19 when I met my now ex husband. He was in his thirties. It was wonderful, really. I was very mature for my age, and knew that guys my age would just bore me, or even worse, just want me for one thing.

The reasons my marriage broke down weren't even age related. We are still friends to this day. I was undiagnosed and very difficult to live with. As was he too, but for different reasons.

People are people no matter how old they are. Yes, experience and maturity can play a large part, however, not every 19 year old girl is the same. Gosh, even age 10/11 I could already keep up with adult conversations and books.

Heck, I think I'm much more immature and free spirited now, than I was then :lol:



Kurgan
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16 Jan 2014, 5:28 am

willa wrote:
What are the thoughts on ages when dating? My parents were more than 10 years separated but they met when they were in their 40s + 30s. I've heard the rule of thumb is half your age plus 7 and that seems pretty logical.


At 31 now and there's a really cute 19 year old girl I work with who has got a massive crush on me. It's adorable and probably bordering on infatuation atm. I've never been in a situation where a girl has so obviously liked me so I think that's fueling my desire to see what's there. I've spent 3 months now coming up with excuses and reasons to avoid the situation because 30 something and teenager just too much, but before long it'll be early 30s and early 20s and that don't seem as bad.


If it works out, the age gap shouldn't be an obstacle.



NTGuyBR
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16 Jan 2014, 6:53 am

aspiesandra27 wrote:
Well I can speak from experience as the girl.

I was 19 when I met my now ex husband. He was in his thirties. It was wonderful, really. I was very mature for my age, and knew that guys my age would just bore me, or even worse, just want me for one thing.

The reasons my marriage broke down weren't even age related. We are still friends to this day. I was undiagnosed and very difficult to live with. As was he too, but for different reasons.

People are people no matter how old they are. Yes, experience and maturity can play a large part, however, not every 19 year old girl is the same. Gosh, even age 10/11 I could already keep up with adult conversations and books.

Heck, I think I'm much more immature and free spirited now, than I was then :lol:



My case was similar.

It was a brief relationship, this does not become a dating.

I did not look for her to be younger than me, but by their personality.

Only after we started the relationship that I started thinking about the age difference. But I never asked her this, and she also never commented on this.

We ended the relationship, and it was NOT because of the difference of ages.


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