Anybody regret NOT dating?

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I was just thinking about how I had a lot of missed opportunities to date in high school. I had at least two girls that were average to above average in looks and superior intelligence that liked me. I really don't know why I didn't like them but for what ever reason I didn't have the same feelings for them. There were other girls too but I remember these girls were so honest with me I feel like a jerk now that I didn't give them a chance.

I had a few girlfriends before when I was really young but still haven't had an adult relationship. I think I got intimated in high school and wasn't ready. I also think I'm really logical and didn't want to date someone that I wasn't serious about. Is there shame in that?

Basically, I feel now that it would of been a great learning experience and that I should of just went along with a relationship to see where it would of gone.

Does anyone else have regrets for not dating, especially earlier?

I've thought about this kind of thing a lot lately. I missed some signals in high school, so I thought that girls weren't interested in me at all, and I also had that problem of being so logical that I couldn't really fathom why I would want to go out with someone I wasn't entirely serious about. In my mind I still have trouble with the concept. Largely the goal of dating in America is to find a partner suitable for marriage. Ergo, why would I want to date someone I wouldn't want to eventually marry? But then there's the question of how well you can know if you'd consider marrying someone if you've never dated them. Over thinking dating and relationships apparently doesn't work very well.

I do know what you mean about the learning experience part as well. I can't help but feel that while all of my peers were learning through trial and error about love and dating I was just biding my time. I thought I could learn from afar, but now I feel like I'll just have to make all of my dating mistakes much later than most others, in a time where it's all much more crucial to get things right. The only thing I learned about dating in high school is that my capacity for self-sabotage is endless.

No, not really.

I never felt ready or worthy of dating someone when I was younger. I felt that I wouldn't contribute to them and their life in a positive way, that I'd drag them down, and I couldn't live with myself doing that to someone else. So, for me, I think it was the right choice to not even consider dating when I was younger. Now that I'm mentally & physically healthier and stronger than ever, I'm slowly coming around to the idea of some casual dating. Everything happens for a reason when it's supposed to and all that.. so I'm just rolling with it and trying to make the most of life in the process.

I'm very glad I didn't date at such an early age (as a person with autism).
I have the unique talent of being able to recognize when a girl shows interest, about two weeks afterward.
Most boys and girls are too immature to deal with things like AS at that age, it can give you both terrible social experiences that can be difficult to get over.
Some people on this forum have argued that, if you're only interested in (and can get) meaningless sex, it can be easier.
That goes against my way of life, but I wanted to state it to balance against my own bias on the matter.
Luckily, people change as they get older, usually for the better, more mature and all that.
My experiences have been better with older girls, and one year age difference can mean a lot.

I do. I went on 2 dates when I was 18, and that was all the dating experience I had until I hit 26. I really wish I had put in more effort earlier, rather than waiting all that time. I think it would be a lot easier to gain experience at a younger age rather than when nearing 30.

I kind of regret not doing it more when I was younger. some people seem to have a lot of fun & success with it, and it makes me a bit jealous every time I tried I hated it though. just felt like I was wasting my time with all the small talk and same questions every time, mismatched interests, niceties etc <puke>

but yeah, I regret not giving it more shots.

I've noticed that people who were most successful in dating (and now currently either married/in LTR) are those who started it really young...like really young (teens). I "effectively" started it at age 29-30 and stopping it already for further notice.

Not always. Sometimes they just want information just like adults who are dating someone with Asperger's.

http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-a-Boyfriend-Who-Has-Asperger's-Syndrome

I wish that I had dated when I was in high school. At least then I would be more experienced in dating now.

It's certainly not that I'm only interested in that, but it has made things easier over the years, that's for sure.

I would say yes but let's be honest here: hindsight is 20/20. Yes, I probably would be married by now if I started early and learned how to deal with women and built experience/confidence but there is also the very real possibility of being scarred for life due to my naivety. For example, I could have been set up for a false accusation of rape (by either a guy or a girl) and not even realize it or I could have unintentionally come across as a creep or a stalker since I tend to stare (I now realize I am a highly visual person) and be very direct and to the point and could have been shunned so much I just gave up for good. There's simply no way to know what could have happened in the past for good or bad!

there were times when girls maybe have shown interest in me, like 4 to be exact,but were also likely to just be pranks, women have never been into me, so it was too risky especially as i was way more shy and afraid of women back then. but however apparently it was very important to have dated in high school, as not its held against me while trying to date women now.

This made me laugh. I've always been the same way.

I can relate to a lot of this stuff. However, my main problem was that events early on in my life poisoned me against girls/women as if they were all manipulative monsters or mental cruelty abusers; it's only in the last few years that I have gotten over it and I'll still never truly trust any NT woman other than the few that might exist whose mental make-up resembles the two NT girls in school that I really liked and trusted.

Of course, like many Aspies, when I fancied a "nice" girl, I had no idea how to romance her and couldn't cope with her unpredictability. I even was afraid the one time a girl* that I didn't know well approached me, as I had no idea how to respond. Later on, one girl in school, told me that a lot of girls fancied me and she couldn't understand why I didn't take advantage of it. While flattering, it was something that disturbed me a lot until my AS diagnosis explained it. IIRC, this was the girl who I later found out had a crush on me, so she was probably talking out of exasperation.

Generally, I had no idea how to deal with girls (other than as friends) when I was in school/college and this persisted into adulthood; it has only been in the last few years that any of courtship/dating ritual has begun to make sense.

*Looking back at her behaviour, T. was probably AS, though neither of us could have known it at the time; she was very forward and spoke to me about things that, according to my family's moral/religious values, a woman did not talk about to a man other than her husband. At least I am free of religion now.

Last edited by IKnowWhoIAmNow on 14 Feb 2014, 7:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

YES! So many missed chances. At the time I was rather self defeating, figuring I was no girl's idea of a catch, always telling myself, "Someday, I'll be successful and I'll have proven myself, and then I'll find someone." Well I'm successful now and I've proven myself, but the thing I didn't count on, is that for that success it means I don't have as much available time to go out and seek someone, as I did in college when there were people around me all the time as I went from class to class. It gets a lot harder to find people once you loose the benefit of such close social quarters as is the college campus or the high school.

I regret not at least getting some experience. Having fun, messing around, hell at least losing my virginity. As a result each new date I've been on, I've felt a crippling fear that I would betray my lack of experience, and my date wouldn't be interested in someone who needs "training."

If I could do it all over again, I'd surely ask more people out, and take advantage of those college years.

Yeah I do. I'm 26 now and I'm finally somewhat comfortable around people and I really wish I had been at a younger age. There was this one girl, in fact she's the only person I knew for sure had AS growing up that I knew and I always used to get pissed when people suggested we date. I think I stupidly felt myself better than her because I saw myself as more high functioning or I found her too weird. I don't know if we would have made it as a couple or not but if I could do it again with my present state of mind, I would have asked her to prom or homecoming.