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joku_muko
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03 Mar 2014, 9:29 pm

Can anyone give me the best one? I hear POF is bad and OKcupid is OK. How honest is too honest? How honest should you be? Being honest seems to me to be listing all my negatives whats the dividing line on what to put and not? I kind of want to just be 100% and list all my negatives cause I'm tired of getting hurt, but then maybe I'll never get anyone even interested.



sly279
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03 Mar 2014, 9:38 pm

whys pof bad? Its been more successful then okc for me. though neither have got me dates, except the one i met on pof.

negatives are turn off, especially for men like us. Women are very picky and have many men to choose from. so I'd only list positive stuff. That's all I can say as anything else will be built off of my depression and results I've gained from my area, yours could be different.



joku_muko
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03 Mar 2014, 9:39 pm

Thanks, I just heard POF is full of baby mamas, but I've never tried it just what I heard. I can barely take care of myself so not looking to take care of someone elses kid either.



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03 Mar 2014, 9:41 pm

Try both of them. Hell even datehookup. Or Craigslist if you're comfortable. Just dont get very vulnerable. If you cannot get over being hurt, then as of right now, you probably shouldn't date. Reevaluate some things. Then come back. Dating isn't going anywhere. But you'll get nowhere in a damaged state of mind.


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joku_muko
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03 Mar 2014, 9:50 pm

No, I'm fed up being where I am and ready to be hurt, by what I said above I just kind of meant cut to the chase really. Cause a lot of my negatives are things they should know and things that could make them see me differently and down the line they may run away and it may be time wasted which is a stupid saying as I'll learn a lot. I just know I'm not getting any younger and want to start. Are there any tips what stuff you should put in there?

The reason I want to be honest is I am looking for someone else to be 100% honest and not play games cause that s**t hurts more than someone telling me honestly (insert worst thing you could imagine).



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03 Mar 2014, 10:22 pm

It depends on what sort of person you are looking for. My perception was that POF members seemed a bit dumber, and were largely "average" people. OKC is full of hipsters, liberal and way liberal people, people who seem really busy (there's a lot of travel aficionados there). I suggest you look at some profiles on the sites you are considering. Or just sign up for all of them since your chances are theoretically increased in proportion to the amount of exposure your profile gets.

I don't know how honest to be either. I'd rather just spill all the beans upfront. I compromised and wrote about some of the things that would most likely be important to other people, but I didn't describe them as negative or positive...I basically just said "this is how I am" without tagging it with a value judgment.



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03 Mar 2014, 10:47 pm

starkid wrote:
It depends on what sort of person you are looking for. My perception was that POF members seemed a bit dumber, and were largely "average" people. OKC is full of hipsters, liberal and way liberal people, people who seem really busy (there's a lot of travel aficionados there). I suggest you look at some profiles on the sites you are considering. Or just sign up for all of them since your chances are theoretically increased in proportion to the amount of exposure your profile gets.

I don't know how honest to be either. I'd rather just spill all the beans upfront. I compromised and wrote about some of the things that would most likely be important to other people, but I didn't describe them as negative or positive...I basically just said "this is how I am" without tagging it with a value judgment.


I think this is excellent advice.



yellowtamarin
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03 Mar 2014, 11:10 pm

There are negatives and "negatives". I use OkC, and I do mention some things about me which SOME PEOPLE would consider to be negatives (that is, people who are not suited to me). I don't mention things that EVERYONE or nearly everyone would consider a negative. That would potentially put a good match off me. I either let them discover these things as they crop up, or mention them after we have already met.

I think of an online profile as an advertisement that attracts the right people. If you only put generic good stuff in, you could attract pretty much anyone to some extent, and won't easily find like-minded or well-suited people. If you put all the bad stuff in, it's not really an advertisement, but a warning, and you won't attract many people, if any.

The right person will be attracted to the traits that the wrong person considers "negative". So leave those bits in, and also the positive traits that you feel really define you*.


*i.e. the "you" that you are when you are with your partner. It doesn't matter so much if you have some obscure special interest (or whatever) if you would never share it with your partner, so I wouldn't make such things a big feature in your profile. Just the things that would affect the other person when in a relationship with you.



sly279
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03 Mar 2014, 11:15 pm

well in my area, most woman who are on okc are also on pof, then pof has more . there's a lot of crossover. I imagine like me they are just trying to cover all bases. as for baby momas there's a lot on okcupid just some hide it as recommended.



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04 Mar 2014, 1:29 am

on okcupid, you can answer questions privately. The answers will be used to match you but others won't see the answers and judge you. If you are uncomfortable revealing certain things about yourself to everybody, prefer to just talk about it later one-on-one, then answer questions privately,

Your profile is supposed to be like a sales ad that draws people in, so put the information you feel is important in your profile, but try not to be self-deprecating and try not to sound bitter. Like another person said, just put information out there without a value judgment. Some people will be turned off. Others will be intrigued.



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04 Mar 2014, 7:11 am

You can make stereotypes of the general population of both sites, and both can be true, but there aren't exclusively women with children on POF, and not everyone is a hippy on OKC. Why not try both? Or just browse profiles? You never know who you could meet.


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04 Mar 2014, 1:06 pm

OK Cupid - Very good, recommended

Plenty of Fish - OK but could do with some improvement

Metrodate - Avoid like the plague, wall to wall scammers and site admins that don't care

Craigs List - Where prostitutes ply their trade now that cards in phone booths don't work


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05 Mar 2014, 11:28 am

I just deleted my POF account.Most of the same people that were on OKstupid.The last few people that sent messages were kind of strange.One said,"Hello sweets,I just live a couple of hours from you." And the last one said,"You look nice,but the girls in that county are mean."Plus two men with no shirts that said they were in their forties but looked in their twenties.Strange.A piece of advice,when you take a picture for a profile,don't wear a wife beater.It just sends the wrong message.And all these pictures of men holding up fish,that's more likely to impress a man.


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Eureka13
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05 Mar 2014, 11:41 am

Misslizard wrote:
I just deleted my POF account.Most of the same people that were on OKstupid.The last few people that sent messages were kind of strange.One said,"Hello sweets,I just live a couple of hours from you." And the last one said,"You look nice,but the girls in that county are mean."Plus two men with no shirts that said they were in their forties but looked in their twenties.Strange.A piece of advice,when you take a picture for a profile,don't wear a wife beater.It just sends the wrong message.And all these pictures of men holding up fish,that's more likely to impress a man.


Oh, thank you! I've been thinking the same thing forever - even thought about putting both those things in my profile, but then I realized those two things were great tools for weeding out undesirables. ;)



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05 Mar 2014, 12:26 pm

The pictures of men lolling by a sports car are annoying,are they looking for a gold digger?And how do I know that's even his car,he could have had his pic taken in a parking lot by someone else's car.The photo of the guy in the hot tub saying he was up for some fun was disturbing,a hot tub seems kind of gross,like a giant Petri dish.I bet people don't clean those and there are all sorts of body fluids sloshing around in them.And why do they always say,"Looking for a good woman?"Seems like a bad woman would be more fun.And how can one be a "bad"woman??Don't shave legs or cook and clean??


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Eureka13
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05 Mar 2014, 12:51 pm

Now I'm really laughing. I've always thought of men's fancy cars as their way of compensation for lacking some other basic masculine trait. Of course, the standard joke is that a flashy car is a substitute for a penis, so now I'm laughing about the idea of these men posting pictures of themselves with their penises. Or, even funnier, with someone else's penis!