The only UNCONDITIONAL romantic love case...

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The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Apr 2014, 2:23 pm

In life, whenever I see a love case, I always see "factors and "conditions" that made X falls for Y like career, looks, high education, and I was always proven right because whenever X talks about Y she/he puts emphasis on the same traits that I've previously assumed as the factors of making this person falls for the other. Whenever I see a love case, I've always seen a logical explanation what made them love each others, their love might develop to an unconditional level during the relationship but never at the very beginning, except this one case:


I've witnessed only one absolutely unconditional romantic love (one-sided tho) so far in life, this story happened few years ago but I've met the guy by chance few days ago, reminding me of this case which still sticking in my head.


I was used to be active on a local niche forum, and we were used to do outings with some of the members there, we were all a bunch of eccentric and weirdos, and through these outing I've met N., N. was 32+ old woman back then (If I recall right she is a couple of years older than me), having a distinct natural dirty blondish hair yet brunette, extremely gorgeous-looking with a a celeb-like really tall body, very gentle character, and she was always very successful and talented in her career (interior design) holding a master's degree too in the field, she was also very moderate religion-wise (liberal Muslim). She was the type of women who makes the guys gaze (yes, it was that obvious on their faces) wherever she goes; not the type of persons who would have any shortage of admirers. She was the only member who didn't have this 'weirdo' presence.

And there I've met M. too, a 25+ fresh graduate guy, jobless back then, slightly chubby, really short, very laid back guy, he looks and sounds like that typical next door guy who likes to watch football (soccer, not that other crazy game) all day while feasting pizza and beer, he's from a hardcore Christian area and he was supportive for a hardcore Christian political party who were never much in very good terms with Sunnite Muslims in particular, and he was used to complain a bit about the job market, he wasn't even that socially gifted, zero-experience with girls and his interests were mostly about football and politics. Unlike N, I wasn't much friend with him as much as with N, but he was friend with N, eventually N and M became close friends despite the differences.

While they are not totally compatible on paper, yet N. has confessed to me that she was entirely in love with M. O.o; (I was like huh???), not just a slight crush but it was a strong smothering love, in her eyes this guy was a Johnny Depp and Clooney all combined with a divine confidence and personality and she was used to think he was the optimum of gentleness and character, she was seriously wanting to be with him but she was very anxious that he might find her too old for him and eventually she'd developed extreme depression, she had to be on meds and was even hospitalized once and her depression condition wasn't getting any better with time; yet she've asked me to try to drop 'hints', she was desiring to make him realizes somehow that she loves him.

So what the typical Boo had to do in this case? I suck at giving hints. The next time I've met the guy in a man-to-man drink setting (in a pub), while we both ended up slightly tipsy and I've told him right away "N. is in love with you" (too much of a hint eh? lol), he burst in laughter as he was bit drunk and thought I was joking, I've repeated "N. is in love with you; my too serious facial expression made him realize I was saying the truth, he was like "Jesus Christ! It's true!" and then he went crying :lol: I recall he blabbered things like "I am much younger", "she's too beautiful and amazing for me", "she works while I don't" , "she can find someone better and more stable" then he added the religion and politics differences saying they would make things even more complicated to an already imbalanced matching, he told me that he always suggested to date me because he thought I was more compatible with her (I don't personally believe so tho), I was like "Are you sure you won't give it a try? This might not happen in your life twice." but his final answer was "No, no, this won't never work".
I bet he was used to like her but he was too self-convinced that he's not good enough and compatible for her, sad.

I've never delivered his answer back to her because of her condition, but I think she figured on her own by my silence that it was a rejection (not sure if I did the right thing there), she soon after moved to Doha and I didn't hear much from her, and didn't see the guy only years later, like a few days ago, and we both recalled and talked about this incident but he still believes that he took the right decision, last time I knew about her that she moved to Paris.

This is the only unconditional romantic love I've ever witnessed, I mean her love toward him was totally blind. Age (7 years), height (significant difference), body (significant diff), looks (significant diff), religion, lack of job, all didn't matter to her at all, her ultimate wish in life back then was to be with him..... yet he didn't even give it a try,

What similar cases you ever witnessed or lived?



hurtloam
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09 Apr 2014, 3:02 pm

I find it intriguing that you can look at couples and work out logistic reasons why they would be together. I know so many couples that I look at and think, "I have no idea what you two are doing together." Maybe it is a cultural thing, but then I often miss what is obvious to everyone else.



Cafeaulait
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09 Apr 2014, 3:26 pm

Barf



Kezzstar
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09 Apr 2014, 3:36 pm

Everyone wondered what my ex and I were doing together.

And now I wonder too 8O

The only unconditional love I have ever seen is from an animal. You can abuse an animal all you like but they will still look at you with adoration and love. All the more reason why you should NEVER abuse an animal.


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Eureka13
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09 Apr 2014, 3:40 pm

Lived it with my late fiance. He had lost everything - wife, job, income, home, assets (his ex got most of his retirement) - before we met. He thought he had absolutely nothing to offer in a relationship, but I loved him so much, it didn't matter. He dressed like a homeless person, drove a beat up old truck, drank too much, smoked too much, wasn't big on grooming. But he was smart, funny, kind, and gentle, and he was as accepting and non-judgmental of me as I was of him. Most of all, we connected in a way that I'd never connected with anyone before (or expect to ever again).

On my therapist's recommendation, I have ordered a book titled "The Chemistry Between Us." It's about the science of attraction, and seems to fit with a discussion about "going against type and stereotype." Once I've read it, I'll post a review of sorts. :)



The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Apr 2014, 5:10 pm

Eureka13 wrote:
Lived it with my late fiance. He had lost everything - wife, job, income, home, assets (his ex got most of his retirement) - before we met. He thought he had absolutely nothing to offer in a relationship, but I loved him so much, it didn't matter. He dressed like a homeless person, drove a beat up old truck, drank too much, smoked too much, wasn't big on grooming. But he was smart, funny, kind, and gentle, and he was as accepting and non-judgmental of me as I was of him. Most of all, we connected in a way that I'd never connected with anyone before (or expect to ever again).

On my therapist's recommendation, I have ordered a book titled "The Chemistry Between Us." It's about the science of attraction, and seems to fit with a discussion about "going against type and stereotype." Once I've read it, I'll post a review of sorts. :)


Wasn't he an areospace engineer?



Cafeaulait
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09 Apr 2014, 5:12 pm

Eureka13 wrote:
Lived it with my late fiance. He had lost everything - wife, job, income, home, assets (his ex got most of his retirement) - before we met. He thought he had absolutely nothing to offer in a relationship, but I loved him so much, it didn't matter. He dressed like a homeless person, drove a beat up old truck, drank too much, smoked too much, wasn't big on grooming. But he was smart, funny, kind, and gentle, and he was as accepting and non-judgmental of me as I was of him. Most of all, we connected in a way that I'd never connected with anyone before (or expect to ever again).

On my therapist's recommendation, I have ordered a book titled "The Chemistry Between Us." It's about the science of attraction, and seems to fit with a discussion about "going against type and stereotype." Once I've read it, I'll post a review of sorts. :)


Very good.



Eureka13
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09 Apr 2014, 5:58 pm

Quote:
Wasn't he an areospace engineer?


That's what his degree was - he was an aerodynamicist. He never made big bucks, just enough to keep his family housed and fed. After the company he was with folded during the recession, he couldn't get another job, except occasional minimally-paid contract work updating the software he'd developed several decades earlier because it interested him, not because he was getting paid to do it.

No question he was brilliant - his IQ was 160 - but he was a typical underachieving Aspie.



Eureka13
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14 Apr 2014, 10:04 pm

OK, finished reading "The Chemistry Between Us."

Bottom line, I think everyone here who has any interest in biology and/or neuroscience should read this book. It's somewhat controversial, but the authors have put together a lot of research by a lot of different people that is pretty compelling. In addition to the primary discussion of the mechanisms of attraction, lust, bonding, and love, there is a lot of discussion of autism and how these neurochemicals that are the topic of all this collected research may or may not contribute to the condition.

The book's about 300 pages, and I finished it in about a half a day. There's a fair amount of technical terminology, but for anyone who is not a biologist, the terms are well-explained (I thought).

I don't know that I completely agree with the authors' premise, but neither can I entirely disagree. In any case, it was a fun read!