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TrippyPhysics
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19 Apr 2014, 8:58 am

hey, i have autism, ranging from 1-3 im around 1 an 2, an need help with a situation:( me an my girlfriend are on a break, she left me because we argue alot an most of it is because i take things serious all the time, i wish i could change so much, being with her makes me realize how different i am then NT's an i dont know what to do to fix myself, i hate myself, even if it isnt a big deal i take something little serious, an ill apologize for taking it serious an she still doesnt wanna talk to me after, how can i change? what can i do to understand things more, i just want to be accepted:( i appreciate anyone who replies



Kiriae
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19 Apr 2014, 9:14 am

Find another girl. There is a lot of them around and one of them will accept you the way you are. You might try online dating.
Your girlfriend just wasn't the right girl. If she was, you could change without realizing you do, the change would come natural like breathing. You would change just because you wanted her to be happy, not because she is not happy with who you are (that IS a difference). And the right girl wouldn't be unhappy because of you being serious since it isn't a bad thing. She might want you for example to stop smoking since smoking is unhealthy but there is nothing bad in being serious in a relationship. If a girl doesn't want you to be serious it means she is not serious with you either and she is not looking for a serious relationship at the moment. Do you really want to be with someone like that?



arielhawksquill
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19 Apr 2014, 10:44 am

Don't change yourself for this girl. It will never be in your nature to be lighthearted and frivolous, and Aspies often don't "get" jokes because they take them literally. Find a girl who is serious, like yourself--you'll be much happier with a partner who has a similar temperament in the long run.



TrippyPhysics
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19 Apr 2014, 10:46 am

your right about that. i just need someone who understands me, you know? an who will be there for me. we been together for over a year an its very hard sometimes. i see a bunch of girls who are dating someone with autism or whatever there diagnose may be come on this site an try to understand there significant other, i dont think my girlfriend will ever do that, she tries to understand me but i dont think she ever will. :(



Autism_Us
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20 Apr 2014, 9:40 am

I'm an NT who is married to an Aspie. My husband went through a terrible, abusive relationship with his ex wife, She was very hateful toward him and she never did understand him. I have to say our relationship is amazing! I love him for who he is and would never try and change him. In all honesty, it hasn't been easy but what relationship doesn't have it challenges. We rarely argue and if there is an issue, we work it out. I notice if you come at him with an issue and jump all over him, he shuts down. I have learned to be calm and respectful of his space. My ex was abusive as well so I am used to having to argue and fight to defend myself. We have grown together and I have to say, he makes me a better person. :) If you have any questions, let me know!! I hope you find a woman who will treat you right!!



TrippyPhysics
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21 Apr 2014, 9:19 am

thank you very much, abusive as im verbally abusive? i dont know what to do. im dealing with a girl who is far from calm:( sigh



TrippyPhysics
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21 Apr 2014, 9:23 am

i meant in not im* typo



Autism_Us
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21 Apr 2014, 4:04 pm

My ex was verbally, mentally, physically and financially abusive. My husbands ex was mentally, verbally and financially abusive toward him. We got her on fraud charges. He was just going to let it go and pay for what she had done and I said nope. She did so many terrible tings to him and he is such a sweetheart. It made so mad.



TrippyPhysics
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21 Apr 2014, 10:13 pm

im very sorry to hear that:/ i feel as if im going to give up on this relationship soon. she says shes tired of havin to repeat an explain herself and that it frustrates her that she cant joke around with me, people dont understand its how my brains structured, they wonder why i never go out anywhere an this is why! i can take some jokes but some of them i flat out dont understand:( what a life.



Autism_Us
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22 Apr 2014, 10:04 pm

Yeah, she is not the one for you. I have to explain things my husband otherwise he will misunderstand. He takes everything literally. It can be challenging but what relationship isn't? Its not fair to you for her to treat you like crap. I tell people you need patience, plenty of patience and understanding in an NT/Aspie relationship. She doesn't want to put in the effort to make the relationship work. Every relationship takes hard work. My husband just needs a little more time to respond to questions and some of my jokes he doesn't get but some he does. He can even sarcastic, I have taught him well, lol! I am a very independent person too, which helps because he likes is "nerd" time. This is the best relationship I have ever had. We have a lot in common and believe it or not, we are thinking the exact same things at the same time because one of us will say it out loud. Don't let her ruin future relationships for you. There are NTs out there who can click an Aspie.



Autism_Us
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22 Apr 2014, 10:11 pm

Click with an Aspie*