My aspie ex boyfriend came back after 5 months.

Post Reply New Topic

Hi.

My ex, whom I've dated for 2 years and broke up with me 5 months ago, came back to me a few days ago. He has aspergers where he doesn't have friend and is very spacey and the way he tells people things often come out very insulting (but he doesn't mean to be insulting.)

He said the reason why he left was so he could better himself for me. Although when he left, his last words to me was about how he thinks relationships are stupid and he wants to be single forever. I was fine with it, a little sad, but I went on with my life and we had no contact for 5 months.

A few days ago, we ran into each other and went for coffee. We hung out for the whole day and we ended up holding eachother's hands and then he kissed me.

The day after that, he spent hours telling me how he was sorry for hurting me and he wanted to try again. He told me ever since we broke up, he couldn't stop smoking pot and every morning, he would wake up at 2 A.M to ride his moped to the isolated road we used to walk at together. He said he would sit there till the sun came out, playing his harmonica and missing me.

I told him to give me a few weeks to think about this. I love him very much but I am afraid he will turn around one day and say love is stupid again. After hearing what he had to say the past few days, I cried tears of joy. I've never felt that kind of feeling before. What are your thoughts on this?

Edit: And just so everyone knows, my ex smoking pot isn't the issue at all. >_>

Last edited by Frmeepy on 01 May 2014, 4:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't think you're going to like this very much.

I suspect that what he's saying is true about just smoking pot and riding around. And my guess is he decided that you were, in a very instrumental way, good for him in that you kept him away from bad habits. I'm thinking it's a very selfish move on his part.

I'd suggest you ask him some questions about what he thinks he brings to your life that's any good, that's helpful to you.

^ I don't see that as a potential issue if you're able to help him see the positive side of his habits, he's clearly musically inclined and personally, I find cannabis provides me with a much stronger sense of self AND community. If I never smoked pot, I probably wouldn't have shown my friends hardly any love at all in the past four years.

Edit: Oh PLEASE, as if aspie guys need any extra negativity in this subforum...

Well, guys, I really don't mind him smoking his pot. He loves his pot but it's not like he spends all of his money on it so it's no problem at all.

Every girl I've liked the most in my entire life came out of nowhere at the proper second...

Nobody on earth spends all their money on pot. On earth, marijuana is just another form of currency. It's not just a drug, it's a catalyst for all KINDS of positive change.

Forgive me for generalizing, but when I see women advising other women about dating aspie guys, all I ever see is pessimism.

Im going to be honest... if all a guy does is sit around and smoke pot then how is that attractive ? Does he have a job ? And it seems like he's just using you to get out of bad habits but it is your decision in the end.

Both you & tarantella64 utterly failed to point out that at any point in time, they were happy together. You don't need money to be in love and you absolutely have not been given sufficient information to draw these conclusions. Have tears of joy really lost all meaning outside of crying itself?

Maybe you didn't notice that the ex-boyfriend came back complaining that he couldn't stop smoking. Put down the pot advocacy for a few minutes and listen.

And yes, they were happy together until the ex decided relationships were stupid, and put a boot through the OP's life, and she collected herself and went on. Now he's back because he wants something. But what is he offering her? She's right to worry he's going to turn around and do the same thing to her again as soon as he's discontent. Nobody really needs a selfish boyfriend. As far as the job thing goes...if he's unemployed...well, my experience is that unemployed guys eventually take it out on women for having jobs, lives, etc.

Yep. I come back to it: what's he offering you, besides his wonderful mind-changing, can't-stop-smoking-on-his-own self?

He has a job.

And tarantella64, I'm going to ask him later today what he has to offer. As far as I know so far, he told me he's going to be as loving, gentle, kind and as patient he can be with me. I guess I should mention how our relationship was overall. It was a very fun and happy relationship. We can connect very well (we still can) and he took good care of me. The only down part of our relationship was how he isolates himself when he thinks he's not good enough and super stressed. I still don't know why he called love stupid, but as far as I know, he deeply regrets saying that.

We can't know where that sentiment of doubt came from either unless we were there for the whole conversation. Don't believe the melodrama.

I find your viewpoint sexist and I think it presents a double standard, he isn't unemployed and EVERYONE, male or female smokes more on average when they aren't in relationships. I'm not advocating for 'pot', that is a derogatory word. I'm advocating for medical marijuana for autism spectrum and I'm advocating for love over greed.

Smoking is far from the only purpose of marijuana anyway, he could change his usage habits at any time with a little cooking.

Look, dear. I'm sorry if I offended you with the pot and job post. I know you are afraid of this guy deciding that relationships are dumb again but you know this guy better than random people on the web. Take a piece of paper and write down the pros and cons of your relationship and decide from there. Although, if only after 2 years of dating he decided that relationships are dumb, then perhaps give him some time to make up his mind as well.

Life is one big ole hairy chain of risks. Maybe something will go wrong in the future, maybe an asteroid will kill the puppy he gives you 3 years from now, maybe it'll kill him, or you, but don't bet on it.

You liked him for two years so there must be something pretty special about this guy or you would have chased him off long ago.
Likely several pretty special things. since it's obvious by your writing that you're no moron, you've probably done a pretty damn good job of seeing his strong points and weak points and are a very good judge of what kind of man he is. He's not playing you.
Your post makes all of this clear. Your heart obviously knows this too.

Don't worry about what it "looks" like that's your brain talking, and don't worry about what people might sneer about. "I can't believe she took him back!" /swoon!
Your brain is not your friend right now, sorry, nothing and no one that tells you to ignore YOUR heart is.

Seize the Day.

Look dear, we explicitly are not random people on the web, we are watching out for our own and I resent that you've diminished the importance of this practice.