My thoughts on why you don't have a girlfriend.

Page 2 of 7 [ 95 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 7  Next

yournamehere
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Oct 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,673
Location: Roaming 150 square miles somewhere in north america

31 Jul 2014, 7:29 am

Here is how the fairy tail goes. The princess kissed a frog, and it turned into a prince. They lived happily ever after. How is this so? Money! The princess had alot of money, and that is all you need. Don't give me this money can't by love stuff either, because either you already have it, or you don't. Money is at the top of the food chain. If you don't have any, you better break out the toolbox. If you were a goat, and you poop money, you would have the girl of your dreams. You could be a mormon, and get a hole town of them. One for every day.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,716
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

31 Jul 2014, 7:33 am

I didn't know that fairies have tails.



yournamehere
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Oct 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,673
Location: Roaming 150 square miles somewhere in north america

31 Jul 2014, 7:35 am

:lol:



Coolguy
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 28 Jun 2014
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 95

31 Jul 2014, 11:57 am

FMX wrote:
Coolguy wrote:
Here's how it was explained to me:

You have to have a good relationship with yourself before you can have a relationship with other men.

You have to have a relationship with other men before you can have a relationship with a woman.

Makes sense to me.


Then would you explain it? WHY is this so?


Lets examine the first part:

"You have to have a good relationship with yourself before you can have a relationship with other men."

If you don't love yourself, why would you expect anyone else to love you? If you can't be with yourself, if you are unhappy with you're own company, why would anyone want to share you're company?

The second part:

"You have to have a relationship with other men before you can have a relationship with a woman."

is a little more complicated. Let's think about what a woman finds attractive in a man. The simplest answer is that women are attracted to what is masculine. However, that begs the question, what is masculine? How does a man become masculine? The best way to answer this question is to look at men who are attractive to women and determine what they have in common. The answer, easily obtainable by the casual observer, is that women are attracted to leadership. Men who have proven themselves the equals or the superiors to other men are the ones who get the girls. The high school quarterback, the lead singer of a local band, the successful businessman, etc. So if you want to attract women, get yourself a like-minded circle of male friends, and become the alpha male of the group.

For a more in-depth understanding of the last paragraph, I highly recommend "The Way of Men" by Jack Donovan. He doesn't really have anything new or profound to say about masculinity or the nature of men. However, for a young man still struggling to understand himself and women (as I was not long ago), I think he has a lot of very helpful insight to offer in this book.

By the way, this is a male oriented thread. A thread by men, for men. That's not to say that women's opinions on various things should not be considered. On the contrary, I think society has a lot to gain from the wisdom offered by women. However, on the subject of attraction, I am convinced that women are clueless about what turns them on, and that no man should take a woman's advice on this topic seriously. What they think they want and respond to are two completely different things. I personally could care less about what some lady thinks women are attracted to.



tarantella64
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Feb 2011
Age: 55
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,901

31 Jul 2014, 2:06 pm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mansplaining

In the "why you should stop" category: You're making extreeeeeemely broad statements that do not apply to many, many, many relationships, women, men, etc.



AspieOtaku
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,212
Location: San Jose

31 Jul 2014, 2:11 pm

Its because were losers and are at the bottom of the barrel that's why.


_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList


FMX
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Mar 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,411

31 Jul 2014, 2:56 pm

Thanks for the lengthy attempt at explaining, but it fails to convince me on either point.

1) Other people are not me. They love plenty of things I don't love.
2) You somehow went from relationship with men to being an alpha male.


_________________
CloudFlare eating your posts? Try the Lazarus browser extension. See https://wp-fmx.github.io/WP/


marshall
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,000
Location: Turkey

31 Jul 2014, 9:15 pm

Coolguy wrote:
Lets examine the first part:

"You have to have a good relationship with yourself before you can have a relationship with other men."

If you don't love yourself, why would you expect anyone else to love you? If you can't be with yourself, if you are unhappy with you're own company, why would anyone want to share you're company?

The second part:

"You have to have a relationship with other men before you can have a relationship with a woman."

is a little more complicated. Let's think about what a woman finds attractive in a man. The simplest answer is that women are attracted to what is masculine. However, that begs the question, what is masculine? How does a man become masculine? The best way to answer this question is to look at men who are attractive to women and determine what they have in common. The answer, easily obtainable by the casual observer, is that women are attracted to leadership. Men who have proven themselves the equals or the superiors to other men are the ones who get the girls. The high school quarterback, the lead singer of a local band, the successful businessman, etc. So if you want to attract women, get yourself a like-minded circle of male friends, and become the alpha male of the group.

For a more in-depth understanding of the last paragraph, I highly recommend "The Way of Men" by Jack Donovan. He doesn't really have anything new or profound to say about masculinity or the nature of men. However, for a young man still struggling to understand himself and women (as I was not long ago), I think he has a lot of very helpful insight to offer in this book.

By the way, this is a male oriented thread. A thread by men, for men. That's not to say that women's opinions on various things should not be considered. On the contrary, I think society has a lot to gain from the wisdom offered by women. However, on the subject of attraction, I am convinced that women are clueless about what turns them on, and that no man should take a woman's advice on this topic seriously. What they think they want and respond to are two completely different things. I personally could care less about what some lady thinks women are attracted to.


This is so annoyingly banal. Does anyone in this universe have an original opinion anymore? You're repeating a bunch of stuff that's often mentioned but never backed up with evidence. Plenty of dissatisfied and unhappy people manage to get dates. Non "macho" males also get dates. Non "alpha" people get dates. It depends on the individuals involved having compatible personalities. Not everyone is attracted to the same thing.

If people susceptible to depression and loneliness were unable to reproduce, we'd probably live in a boring world. Sometimes great things are motivated by pain and dissatisfaction. People who are completely "happy with themselves" are complacent and lead dull lives. People don't become accomplished at things because they want to be "alpha". Not everything is a means to some banal end. You don't become a lead singer in band to "get women". You do it because that's what you're passionate about.



starvingartist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2008
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,104

31 Jul 2014, 9:38 pm

marshall wrote:
Coolguy wrote:
Lets examine the first part:

"You have to have a good relationship with yourself before you can have a relationship with other men."

If you don't love yourself, why would you expect anyone else to love you? If you can't be with yourself, if you are unhappy with you're own company, why would anyone want to share you're company?

The second part:

"You have to have a relationship with other men before you can have a relationship with a woman."

is a little more complicated. Let's think about what a woman finds attractive in a man. The simplest answer is that women are attracted to what is masculine. However, that begs the question, what is masculine? How does a man become masculine? The best way to answer this question is to look at men who are attractive to women and determine what they have in common. The answer, easily obtainable by the casual observer, is that women are attracted to leadership. Men who have proven themselves the equals or the superiors to other men are the ones who get the girls. The high school quarterback, the lead singer of a local band, the successful businessman, etc. So if you want to attract women, get yourself a like-minded circle of male friends, and become the alpha male of the group.

For a more in-depth understanding of the last paragraph, I highly recommend "The Way of Men" by Jack Donovan. He doesn't really have anything new or profound to say about masculinity or the nature of men. However, for a young man still struggling to understand himself and women (as I was not long ago), I think he has a lot of very helpful insight to offer in this book.

By the way, this is a male oriented thread. A thread by men, for men. That's not to say that women's opinions on various things should not be considered. On the contrary, I think society has a lot to gain from the wisdom offered by women. However, on the subject of attraction, I am convinced that women are clueless about what turns them on, and that no man should take a woman's advice on this topic seriously. What they think they want and respond to are two completely different things. I personally could care less about what some lady thinks women are attracted to.


This is so annoyingly banal. Does anyone in this universe have an original opinion anymore? You're repeating a bunch of stuff that's often mentioned but never backed up with evidence. Plenty of dissatisfied and unhappy people manage to get dates. Non "macho" males also get dates. Non "alpha" people get dates. It depends on the individuals involved having compatible personalities. Not everyone is attracted to the same thing.

If people susceptible to depression and loneliness were unable to reproduce, we'd probably live in a boring world. Sometimes great things are motivated by pain and dissatisfaction. People who are completely "happy with themselves" are complacent and lead dull lives. People don't become accomplished at things because they want to be "alpha". Not everything is a means to some banal end. You don't become a lead singer in band to "get women". You do it because that's what you're passionate about.


to be fair, i recently watched a documentary about pulp, and jarvis cocker said the reason he started a band was to get women, because he didn't think they would want him otherwise. it's possible he was being ironic--but i thought i should mention it nonetheless.

:lol:



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 63,862
Location: Queens, NYC

31 Jul 2014, 9:49 pm

I've known people who have used their guitar playing to try to pick up girls. I used to want to learn to play guitar for that very reason.



GregCav
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Apr 2013
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 753
Location: Australia

31 Jul 2014, 9:52 pm

Coolguy wrote:
Here's how it was explained to me:
You have to have a good relationship with yourself before you can have a relationship with other men.
You have to have a relationship with other men before you can have a relationship with a woman.
Makes sense to me.


This is way overly simplistic.

Having a relationship with yourself is a basic start. The first step. A fundamental sanity check requirement.
Then... Having a relationship with others of the same sex, sure will prove you are capable of having and keeping friends. I would call this an essential requirement.

But a relationship with the opposite sex is way, WAY more bigger than your cute quote indicates.
It takes constant effort, it takes constant vigilance, it takes constant patience, it takes a lot of time, and a lot of money.
And that's before we start getting into the psychology of the other partner, or the 5 human needs of the other partner.
A relationship is not only a career, there is an entire industry built up around helping people have a wholesome relationship with their favourite partner. That should tell you it aint simple.



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,774
Location: None

01 Aug 2014, 6:40 am

I think what it generally means is "Have good social skills - If you don't have them, get them".

Of course if you hate yourself such as I do, people don't want to be around you/a moping mess. You have to enjoy life before people want to enjoy it with you unless they're some sort of predator who targets victims.

Be friends with other men - this shows good social skills



hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,774
Location: None

01 Aug 2014, 6:42 am

GregCav wrote:
Coolguy wrote:
Here's how it was explained to me:
You have to have a good relationship with yourself before you can have a relationship with other men.
You have to have a relationship with other men before you can have a relationship with a woman.
Makes sense to me.


This is way overly simplistic.

Having a relationship with yourself is a basic start. The first step. A fundamental sanity check requirement.
Then... Having a relationship with others of the same sex, sure will prove you are capable of having and keeping friends. I would call this an essential requirement.

But a relationship with the opposite sex is way, WAY more bigger than your cute quote indicates.
It takes constant effort, it takes constant vigilance, it takes constant patience, it takes a lot of time, and a lot of money.
And that's before we start getting into the psychology of the other partner, or the 5 human needs of the other partner.
A relationship is not only a career, there is an entire industry built up around helping people have a wholesome relationship with their favourite partner. That should tell you it aint simple.


Stop reading Harry Potter :P



Dillogic
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Nov 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,807

01 Aug 2014, 6:59 am

Actually, it's because I don't want one.

It's simple to get a chick.


_________________
Trust no one

The old gods are still here; be wary


TheGoggles
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Oct 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,060

01 Aug 2014, 9:12 am

Dillogic wrote:
Actually, it's because I don't want one.

It's simple to get a chick.


2cool4skool