My thoughts on why you don't have a girlfriend.

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WantToHaveALife
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05 Aug 2014, 12:35 pm

Coolguy wrote:

This is in response to the two posts above.

I have been to meetup.com and attended several meetups. I think it's an excellent way to meet people. At the very least, it will help get you out of the house.

There's something you guys need to understand about "playing the game." Attraction has nothing to do with information. It has nothing to do with something going on inside you're head. You're not going to think of something that is all of a sudden going to make women attracted to you. Being attractive is about ATTITUDE. It's about how you live you're life. So instead of thinking in terms of "what do I need to know to attract women," you should be thinking in terms of "what changes do I need to make to my lifestyle that will make me a naturally attractive man."

There's plenty of information out there about how to pick up women, e.g. books, seminars, coaching sessions, etc. There's money to be made by convincing people they need information in order to attract women. Now, if the people still reading this thread really believe that no one would try and sell them something they don't actually need, I'm done.

ya because getting out of the house more often and consistently, like very often would do wonders for my self-esteem

aspiemike
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05 Aug 2014, 3:18 pm

^

I would definitely recommend using meetup.com. I managed to become Co-organizer in one of my groups. Only the group lead organizer has more control over the group (specifically webpage features and funds to keep the group page running).

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AngelRho
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05 Aug 2014, 3:51 pm

qawer wrote:

Is anyone else bothered by the fact that you have to "play the game" to get a girlfriend/date? I mean, it is so fake, it's difficult to see this game as love.

But I know I have to forget about "romantic" love, or "true" love. It is all a materialistic social contract in the end.

If it really is a materialistic social contract, why is that a bad thing? Not saying I disagree. Romantic love is only a tiny component in my relationship. It's not even about "true love." Love is merely cement for a number of foundational components of a relationship. You mix up your own aggregate for what actually goes into that foundation; all love does is keep it together. If two people are divided on the "stuff" of a relationship, or if a key component is missing, the relationship is doomed from the outset. And yes, those things in reality are materialistic. You can't promise a wife you'll impregnate her and then decide you're just too scared of babies. You can't promise your mate you'll provide for him/her/children and then just give up when you're out of a job and cannot find another one. It's materialisitc, sure, but it is necessary.

sly279
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05 Aug 2014, 10:37 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

I wonder if "meet-up.com" is a good site to use to get myself out of the house more often, anyone here had any luck with that?

think it depends on the area. not much going on in mine perhaps in a big city there are tons of groups. I don't know.

qawer
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06 Aug 2014, 4:45 am

AngelRho wrote:

qawer wrote:

The problem is that you become a part of the social hierarchy, which is what I despise. It means you become a product with a certain value, and nothing more.

Eureka13
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06 Aug 2014, 7:45 am

So don't "play the game." Hold out until you run across someone who also doesn't participate. You'll automatically have something in common.

AngelRho
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06 Aug 2014, 11:20 am

qawer wrote:

AngelRho wrote:

qawer wrote:

The problem is that you become a part of the social hierarchy, which is what I despise. It means you become a product with a certain value, and nothing more.

I prefer to set my own value. Depending on how you look at it, I'm either at the top or the bottom of the hierarchy. Either way, my situation doesn't suck! Where ever it becomes a negative thing, I just tend to ignore it. To get ahead in life, human being need each other. I believe we place ourselves where ever we want to be within the hierarchy. The fact that it exists doesn't have absolute implications on outcomes. If I want to make it to the top, it is incumbent on me to meet people who don't mind helping me get there. People who want to help you are easy to find. All you have to do is keep looking for them and recognize them when you see them.

Opposing society for the sake of opposition won't help you. I'm not exactly a conformist, either, but I'm surrounded by a lot of people who are open-minded and understanding, even if they disagree with me.

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06 Aug 2014, 11:23 am

Eureka13 wrote:

So don't "play the game." Hold out until you run across someone who also doesn't participate. You'll automatically have something in common.

QFT. I should point out you're still playing the game, though?you're just taking responsibility for defining the game you play. I just prefer to play games that are non-zero-sum, and I look at the world as being mostly like that. We've succeeded any time we've improved our little corners of the world and maybe even encouraged and empowered others to do the same. We are ALL valuable and ALL winners together.

Eureka13
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06 Aug 2014, 12:12 pm

^^ Well said.

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06 Aug 2014, 3:15 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

I wonder if "meet-up.com" is a good site to use to get myself out of the house more often, anyone here had any luck with that?

Yes! meetup.com is excellent for people like me who struggle to join a social group. Not every meet-up is going to be good, so you have to persevere a bit and try a few, but on the whole I think it's well worth trying.

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WantToHaveALife
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06 Aug 2014, 3:31 pm

aspiemike wrote:

good looks like I should look into that

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06 Aug 2014, 4:37 pm

we all find our time in finding someone. just that they are so stupid with explaining private stuff. really stupid.

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trippnorris
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06 Aug 2014, 11:50 pm

I don't know why I cant find anyone. Seems like all girl want is some guy that ends up treating them like dirt. All the decent ones my age are taken and the ones that aren't want to be single. I tend to have more in common with girls in their 20s but it seems like I always end up being their friend and even that doesn't last long.

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WantToHaveALife
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07 Aug 2014, 5:34 am

trippnorris wrote:

which is why i'm now reading "The Flow" by Dan Bacon

AspergianMutantt
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08 Aug 2014, 7:46 pm

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4zSRkBMPng#t=392[/youtube]

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