Rejection That Makes No Sense

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There was this lady where I used to live and I could tell that she liked me a lot, and I like her a lot as well. Then I moved to another place and about one month later I found her on Facebook. But when I sent her a friend request she rejected it. This doesn?t really make much sense because of how much I could tell she liked me. Why would this happen? A female can?t lose interest that quickly, can she? Also, I know her work email. Should I just email her and tell her that I like her?

I wouldn't bother, unless you want a harassment charge brought against you

Oh wow?the Fader strikes again!! !

Second the above: leave this one alone.

Don't bother telling her that you (still) like her. You had your chance to tell her before you moved and you didn't do it. There isn't going to be a second chance.

What are you saying here?

What makes you say that?

What makes me say that? the part where I said "You had your chance."? My experience indicates that women want you to show them how you feel about them. The best way to do that is to ask them out on a date. You didn't do that before you moved. Now you are thinking about sending her an e-mail saying "I like you."

To be realistic. She likely moved on when you didn't ask her out earlier. Don't be surprised if another guy has asked her out now and that she is dating him.

You misread her. She wasn't interested in you then, and she isn't interested now. She was just being friendly and polite, but was not expecting you to turn up in her facebook space -- in fact she may not even remember who you are. Please leave her alone.

I didn't misread anything. I know how to tell if someone really likes me and this girl certainly did.

How on earth could you be certain of this when you've never even met the woman or seen her and WilliamTheConqueror's interactions? Just because he's on the spectrum doesn't mean he's absolutely clueless regarding these matters; some people actually can "read" a person and come to a relatively accurate (though not necessarily complete) and broad conclusion of how they feel at the time. I have to say, the responses to this post have been unwarrantably harsh, although I do agree that one should probably just move on from the entire affair. I'm sorry that she rejected your friend request, and that definitely entails something if she appeared to like you beforehand, but there probably isn't anything to help the situation asides from leaving it alone. Extra contact to try and understand (no matter how logical and just far more rational than her actions of suddenly rejecting you out of the blue) her feelings on these matters will only backfire, for the most part.

However, if you want a rational woman's point of view regarding these matters, in that situation I personally would not have rejected a friend request from you, even a month after contact. From what I can see, something came into her life, perhaps she felt something was amiss, who knows. I hate it when people do s**t like that, though, so perhaps you're better off not having to deal with someone who just "blocks" things like that from known friends for no given reason. Even when I don't like a guy, if we've spoken before and were once on good terms (or even neutral/bad terms), I always kindly let him know that I'm just not interested. You've probably been done a great service, for although it smarts now, the pain could have been far more confusing and harmful if she /had/ accepted and done something similarly illogical in the future. I've heard of plenty of these stories from both sides, male or female, and the reasons behind the actions or lack of them are almost always petty and of no true consequence. I can understand these reasons, but I find them abhorrent. ugh
If you wanted a sassy response to this, one could say "you're too good for that bulls**t, honey!" haha

@BioBird: I like your style!

@William: "Fading" is a non-breakup breakup. It can apply to platonic relationships as well as dating or LTR romances. Instead of an actual, "official" it's-not-you-it's-me kind of breakup, the fader just fades you out of his/her life with no warning or explanation. It's fine after one date. It's fine if someone you're involved with suddenly starts cussing your mom. It's NOT ok in a serious LTR or after you slept together.

Usually happens over text messaging and social media--you get deleted, texts go without responses, and that sort of thing. It's a horrible thing to do to someone because one minute everything is GREAT, you're on top of the world, she might even say she loves you and things are awesome when you go out. You don't have any arguments/fights or anything. And then it's like she's got amnesia or something. It's like they gaslight you, like either there was no relationship in the first place or you're just going insane. And if you ever manage to corner this person and try to get an explanation, suddenly YOU are harassing the poor lady and it's off to jail with you.

Happens more and more these days due to text messaging and so on.

@biobird and OP: If she'd really been all that interested, she'd have accepted the friend request. It's possible there was some kind of tech error, but otherwise, if someone's into you...they pick up, even if they're just curious to see what you want. You can always unfriend someone if it's unpleasant afterwards. But -- yeah, had she really been interested, you'd be talking to her now.

@angelrho: yes, cornering people and demanding explanations you've got no earthly right to are in fact harassment, which is why the police arrive. Lady doesn't want to talk to you? That's it, buddy, she doesn't owe you a conversation, even if you just had the sweetest night on earth.

Thanks for your comment, Biobird. Your response currently seems to be the most thoughtful one. You really tried to answer the question.

She could have just lost the interest or got so frustrated with me that she decided to bite me.

I certainly agree with much of that statement, although what I had meant was that at one point in the past (key word), she had most likely had some semblance of interest. It depends on how close the relation had been when she and WilliamTheConqueror were once in contact. If it were only casual, then yes, it seems as though (sudden?) disinterest is the most likely answer. If it were deeper... AHHH. Oh, wow. What if she dropped serious hints or insinuations and they were accidentally ignored! Oh, f**k that's annoying but poetic. Maybe she just jumped to assumptions. Sadly, all options seem likely, end with "disinterest" (whether forced on her part or truly felt), and none seem to have a "repair" button. Sometimes people just lose interest, get confused by that, feel threatened by any further interest towards them, and just shut people out. Childish, but understandable I suppose.

WilliamTheConqueror: That means a lot! Honestly, I've been feeling pretty out of place and somewhat imposing on many of these forum topics, so I'm truly glad I could be of assistance :)
I guess this is one instance where my powers of over-analysis come in handy!

AngelRho: I like your style! ;)
And may I just say--

Beautifully stated, and also what's happened to me so many times. About a month ago, suddenly lost the only good friend I'd had in five years over absolutely nothing. After a year of interactions I'd finally become comfortable with him, andddd all of my texts started getting answered by "lol"s and then silence. hmm I hate "lol"s.

I feel as though this is turning into a well-needed commiserating column. Should I bring out the Scotch and Whiskey? would be festive

I'll take anything from the Macallan. If you don't have that, the Glenlivet will do just fine!