Dating a women with asperger

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ItsMe7
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10 Aug 2014, 3:01 pm

So im dating my girfriend for 2 years and 4 months now and she's asperger. she told me that she was and explained a little when we were together for like 1month. at the first time i told her that for me she was normal that it wasnt a problem. she was diagnosed at 5y or something and she had great help from her mother and thank god she is an very funny and atractive girl.
We have had our ups and downs like a normal couple and i felt her asperguer 1 year ago or something and now im feelling it again. Both of us talked to her mother togheter so i could understand better and i've read all this posts and went to the wikypedia and stuff and i can understand even better now.
She's beautifull and atractive, very nice and funny person with so much life and very naive ( great and bad quality). Shes not good with the feellings thats normal i know but shes very good at hanging out because shes very amusing believe me. She just want to have a great time and wants to play around without no other intentions but sometimes guys may not understand that . I already get along with her friends and all they are all cool and she gets along with my friends and its all cool but the problem is , when she's still getting to know a new person or group . that person or in a group, a guy, may not see that she only wnat to play and to be funny a have a great time, he may take those behaviors of her to other sides, i know i have to trust her that she wont do anything but shes already done something that i dont find normal with someone that she dont know well . now, i talked to her she says that she fully understands that and she will try to have more consciousness of what shes doing. But we 've been trought some rough times and basicaly what i think i have to do is to stop worrying so much, try not so hard and give her some space too,
but i really need someone to answer me this :

she said she understand she cant have some trusts with people she dont know well but Could she possibly still having those trusts and not tell me because she dont find it so wrong and dont want to hurt me ? is she capable of hiding or even lie ? or would she feel even more terrible by hiding and lieing so she really tell me true ?



aspiemike
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10 Aug 2014, 3:24 pm

The answers to the questions at the end of your post will be difficult to get answered here.

Ive known a girl in the past that would be very touchy feely with other people and be very playful. It was her nature to do so. But guys would often misinterpret that for flirting or being interested in them. She often didnt know how to let others down because she was too afraid to upset anyone. I know she ended up falling victim to being used on a couple occasions.

Now that I think about it, your girl may be a little confused. I know this girl in my story was.


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AmethystRose
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10 Aug 2014, 5:07 pm

ItsMe7 wrote:
[. . .]
she said she understand she cant have some trusts with people she dont know well but Could she possibly still having those trusts and not tell me because she dont find it so wrong and dont want to hurt me ? is she capable of hiding or even lie ? or would she feel even more terrible by hiding and lieing so she really tell me true ?

These are questions about a specific person who no one here knows, regarding a specific situation that no one here has details of; there is absolutely no way anyone can answer these questions for you, I'm sorry.



TommyTomorrow
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10 Aug 2014, 5:32 pm

Some of us can lie effectively. None of us are as good at lying as a skilled NT would be.



ItsMe7
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10 Aug 2014, 8:16 pm

aspiemike wrote:
The answers to the questions at the end of your post will be difficult to get answered here.

Ive known a girl in the past that would be very touchy feely with other people and be very playful. It was her nature to do so. But guys would often misinterpret that for flirting or being interested in them. She often didnt know how to let others down because she was too afraid to upset anyone. I know she ended up falling victim to being used on a couple occasions.

Now that I think about it, your girl may be a little confused. I know this girl in my story was.



Yeah its the same as my girl somehow. i think it has to be with her way of being tough that helps to be this complicated. so i think i just have to trust her or talk with her and show her she can tell me everything without being afraid. tonight she went to the coffee with the group i dont know. its a complicated story but i feel a little worried if she's haveing some kind of playful that shes not supposed to have because she dont know them that well .



ItsMe7
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10 Aug 2014, 8:17 pm

aspiemike wrote:
The answers to the questions at the end of your post will be difficult to get answered here.

Ive known a girl in the past that would be very touchy feely with other people and be very playful. It was her nature to do so. But guys would often misinterpret that for flirting or being interested in them. She often didnt know how to let others down because she was too afraid to upset anyone. I know she ended up falling victim to being used on a couple occasions.

Now that I think about it, your girl may be a little confused. I know this girl in my story was.



Yeah its the same as my girl somehow. i think it has to be with her way of being tough that helps to be this complicated. so i think i just have to trust her or talk with her and show her she can tell me everything without being afraid. tonight she went to the coffee with the group i dont know. its a complicated story but i feel a little worried if she's haveing some kind of playful that shes not supposed to have because she dont know them that well .

i know shes still into me otherwise she wouldnt be with me, thats true. its just, its trusts that i dont like, they are not her friends



ItsMe7
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10 Aug 2014, 8:23 pm

TommyTomorrow wrote:
Some of us can lie effectively. None of us are as good at lying as a skilled NT would be.


so you're saying that everyone of you can lie effectively ? she sure is bad at lieing i know that! today a friend's mother of her called her because they are doing a surprise party and everyone knows that she sucks at lieing but sometimes when i ask her stuff i think she looks like shes hiding someting or maybe its because of aspers find it hard to deal with these situations because of the emotions . i find it kinda hard to explain sorry



dilanger
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11 Aug 2014, 7:25 am

Everybody lies. Small or big. To me a lie is a lie, withholding information, the smallest detail is a lie. My aspie girl friend gets very upset when I don't tell the whole truth. She proclaims she never lies, but turns right around and talks to her other aspie friends when she does not feel like it. She also changed a name on her phone to a female name so I don't become suspicious.

She is my ex now and as an aspie myself, I see the only difference between and AS versus an NT group that one just has a diagnosis.

Be a man, and confront her about it. Lay down the ground rules of "no touching" and follow that rule yourself, and I mean double!

or say

do what ever you want, but at the end of the night you come home with me.

NEVER BE OR SHOW FEAR TO WALK AWAY! (just like NT relationships)

Be creative, you are in control of this. Be confident and set rules to where both of you agree and be comfortable with. You best damn follow those rules yourself!


Blaming promiscuity on a condition. NO. Aspies pride themselves on learning faster than NTs. Learning the rights and wrongs of social etiquette should be no different. That phrase threw my ex into a fit. I shall digress. Take control of the situation.



sly279
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11 Aug 2014, 3:59 pm

not all aspies pride themselves on learning faster. o.O
also learning social etiquette is hard with a social disorder.



aspiemike
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11 Aug 2014, 5:09 pm

dilanger wrote:
Everybody lies. Small or big. To me a lie is a lie, withholding information, the smallest detail is a lie. My aspie girl friend gets very upset when I don't tell the whole truth. She proclaims she never lies, but turns right around and talks to her other aspie friends when she does not feel like it. She also changed a name on her phone to a female name so I don't become suspicious.

She is my ex now and as an aspie myself, I see the only difference between and AS versus an NT group that one just has a diagnosis.

Be a man, and confront her about it. Lay down the ground rules of "no touching" and follow that rule yourself, and I mean double!

or say

do what ever you want, but at the end of the night you come home with me.

NEVER BE OR SHOW FEAR TO WALK AWAY! (just like NT relationships)

Be creative, you are in control of this. Be confident and set rules to where both of you agree and be comfortable with. You best damn follow those rules yourself!


Blaming promiscuity on a condition. NO. Aspies pride themselves on learning faster than NTs. Learning the rights and wrongs of social etiquette should be no different. That phrase threw my ex into a fit. I shall digress. Take control of the situation.


Whether diagnosed or not, the hiding things from me in plain sight (changing persons name in phone in your example) happened to me as well. There is a saying for guys that "if she is telling you everything, she is hiding something from you" Think about that one for a little with this example: Why is he/she talking so much and very obsessively about a guy/girl and sounds enthusiastic when talking about said person? And even in moments that are meant to be intimate and between the two of you?

I have been guilty of this in the past, and plenty of girls diagnosed or not have done the same thing to me as well. The smart thing is to nip this in the butt and see if you can find out why and be reassured that the two of you are still on the same page in this relationship. Without being on the same wavelength, the relationship is doomed to end, and bound to end badly if one insists on not opening up.

My GF had to confront me on another girl I was friends with before whom I could very well have dated (I met her just before I started dating my GF). I deleted this friend from my phone and even showed it to her and stated (since I am a meetup organizer) "she can contact me when she shows up to a meetup and wants to know where everyone is." Some might consider my response harsh (even my GF thought that was harsh), but it was necessary to make sure she was reassured and on the same wavelength.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Aug 2014, 5:37 pm

Quote:
or say
do what ever you want, but at the end of the night you come home with me.


O You macho man!
Wait, please tell me you were trolling.



ItsMe7
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12 Aug 2014, 12:33 am

dilanger wrote:
Everybody lies. Small or big. To me a lie is a lie, withholding information, the smallest detail is a lie. My aspie girl friend gets very upset when I don't tell the whole truth. She proclaims she never lies, but turns right around and talks to her other aspie friends when she does not feel like it. She also changed a name on her phone to a female name so I don't become suspicious.

She is my ex now and as an aspie myself, I see the only difference between and AS versus an NT group that one just has a diagnosis.

Be a man, and confront her about it. Lay down the ground rules of "no touching" and follow that rule yourself, and I mean double!

or say

do what ever you want, but at the end of the night you come home with me.

NEVER BE OR SHOW FEAR TO WALK AWAY! (just like NT relationships)

Be creative, you are in control of this. Be confident and set rules to where both of you agree and be comfortable with. You best damn follow those rules yourself!


Blaming promiscuity on a condition. NO. Aspies pride themselves on learning faster than NTs. Learning the rights and wrongs of social etiquette should be no different. That phrase threw my ex into a fit. I shall digress. Take control of the situation.



Im 100% sure now that she has some few things to tell me .my instint never lied to me , i learned from past relations in trusting my instintcs and im not doing it right now, pretty dumb right ? now, i was seeing the horoscop, mine and hers from various persons, and they all almost the same thing and now i come here and i see what you are saying, it's like the puzzle is complete .thats why im really going to confront her, i dont know whats going to happen, besides, she has a party tonight and i think some crazy s**t is really going to happen....

"There is a saying for guys that "if she is telling you everything, she is hiding something from you" this fu*king helped alot , i mean it. thank you so much. i'll have to keep in touch with you guys, youre helping alot and today is going to be one hell of a day



TommyTomorrow
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12 Aug 2014, 7:11 am

ItsMe7 wrote:
TommyTomorrow wrote:
Some of us can lie effectively. None of us are as good at lying as a skilled NT would be.


so you're saying that everyone of you can lie effectively ?


No, no I didn't.
That's why I said 'some' instead of all.



dilanger
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12 Aug 2014, 7:47 am

O You macho man!
Wait, please tell me you were trolling.

No I wasn't , its a way to take control of the situation and yes I am a macho man.

not all aspies pride themselves on learning faster. o.O
also learning social etiquette is hard with a social disorder.

You are right, not all aspies are the same. Sometimes I catch myself telling the NT GF the same thing I was telling the AS ex-GF about respect. Makes me question every one. My ex AS gf had an ego, and when I got diagnosed, it made her angry.



aspiemike
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12 Aug 2014, 9:17 am

Remember to be firmly in control. Coming at her angry won't get you anything. Just lay your cards down when appropriate to do so. If she still doesn't get it when you tell her, let your actions speak for you.


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AspieOtaku
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16 Aug 2014, 11:55 pm

Its alot like this [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4z848FFClBM[/youtube][youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFsnwle3oLA[/youtube]


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