He wants an open relationship
Elanor wrote:
When I met my current boyfriend, he was a virgin and I had a moderate amount of experience.
We've been together for a while now and I couldn't tell that something was wrong until suddenly he tells me that he needs to have an open relationship because he wants to see what other people are like. He wants to commit to me for the long term but wants to see other people on the side, like a 'friends with benefits' thing.
I'm hesitant about it because I can feel very jealous, especially because the people I've dated before made me feel bad about my looks and abilities But I like being with him and I want him to be happy. When I make a pros and cons list, the pros are much more than the cons.
I'm also worried that because of my Asperger's, with the awkwardness and social anxiety, I won't be able to find anyone to be with, and he's very tall and good looking and charming so I'm sure he won't have any trouble. That would make me really sad.
Does anyone have any advice?
Ditch him; he's just looking for an excuse to sleep around.
We've been together for a while now and I couldn't tell that something was wrong until suddenly he tells me that he needs to have an open relationship because he wants to see what other people are like. He wants to commit to me for the long term but wants to see other people on the side, like a 'friends with benefits' thing.
I'm hesitant about it because I can feel very jealous, especially because the people I've dated before made me feel bad about my looks and abilities But I like being with him and I want him to be happy. When I make a pros and cons list, the pros are much more than the cons.
I'm also worried that because of my Asperger's, with the awkwardness and social anxiety, I won't be able to find anyone to be with, and he's very tall and good looking and charming so I'm sure he won't have any trouble. That would make me really sad.
Does anyone have any advice?
_________________
God, guns, and guts made America; let's keep all three.
What kind of open relationship is he requesting?
Polyamory, Swinging, Friends with Benefits, Dont-Ask/Dont-Tell
Before you default slam the door and hand him his walking papers, maybe do some good reading on the spectrum of open relationships, what the pro's and cons of each type are.
If you find a configuration that suits both of you, explore it TOGETHER. Otherwise have a good solid conversation about why that does not work for you personally.
sditguy wrote:
What kind of open relationship is he requesting?
Polyamory, Swinging, Friends with Benefits, Dont-Ask/Dont-Tell
Before you default slam the door and hand him his walking papers, maybe do some good reading on the spectrum of open relationships, what the pro's and cons of each type are.
If you find a configuration that suits both of you, explore it TOGETHER. Otherwise have a good solid conversation about why that does not work for you personally.
There are no benefits to so-called "open" relationships, because that description is a lie. Relationships require commitment, and if either partner's willing to pursue another person romantically or sexually, they care more about themselves than you. People like that aren't worth your time, if you're looking to settle down yourself.
Polyamory, Swinging, Friends with Benefits, Dont-Ask/Dont-Tell
Before you default slam the door and hand him his walking papers, maybe do some good reading on the spectrum of open relationships, what the pro's and cons of each type are.
If you find a configuration that suits both of you, explore it TOGETHER. Otherwise have a good solid conversation about why that does not work for you personally.
_________________
God, guns, and guts made America; let's keep all three.
Cafeaulait wrote:
qFox wrote:
Get someone who is fully willing to commit to you.
This.
I'm inclined to agree. I'm extremely uncomfortable with the whole concept of open relationships. Something about them just feels wrong to me. I can't think of any good argument against them, assuming that everyone involved is aware of the situation, but I find them distasteful. It's probably wrong of me to feel that way--I mean, I'm gay and how is my discomfort with open relationships any different from homophobia--but there you are. For me, this situation would definitely be a deal-breaker.
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