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canuck7
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07 Nov 2014, 8:01 am

Hi everyone. I am Peter in England, a newbie on here. can anyone help me with some advice?. I am a 54 year old male. I met a women who is ten years younger that me a few years ago in church. I liked her and noticed she seems somewhat "different". we became friends and started dating. now I am attracted towards this woman and do like her and I do want to get married not be on my own. she said she wants the same. it quickly became apparent that she has problems. she was born in England as a baby but here parents emigrated to the USA. she has a difficult time as a teenager onwards with her father. when she was 18 she got involved with a group of women who she said were involved with witchcraft and this head witch made her eyes glow green. this impressed her cuz she thought it was "cool" but then Jesus literally appeared to her and told her to stay away from the witch so she did. she told her father about the vision of Jesus and her father didn't believe and this upset her a lot. she got depressed and her parents sent her back to England to live on her own at 18!. apparently to get her away from this witch etc. after a few months In England the police found her wandering the streets and she was "sectioned" to a secure mental hospital ward. she tells me she has been sectioned by the authorities 4 times over the past 22 years. you won't tell me if she has been medically diagnosed with any mental illness. now to me and her. she is affectionate and almost childlike, sweet at times. she seems often to behave almost like a 14 year old girl, temper tantrums, emotionally unstable etc. she repeats herself a LOT. same old story over and over again about the woman with the glowing green eyes in California etc. she repeats herself a lot about everything. she can be very hurtful by blurting out comments that are very judgmental and accusatory. she talks about other people a lot gossiping a lot about them. she fantasizes a lot about could so and so being something bad etc.she comes out with comments to me that are hurtful and then claims she didn't realize it was hurtful. when I try and discuss with her to tlak about why she does this she gets angry and upset and asks me to go. she seems unwilling and even unable to discuss problems within the relationship with a view to sorting them out between us. when she is challenged she attacks back then wildly exaggerating my faults and railing accusations against me that other people don't get on with me etc. I wanted to marry this woman and us to be there for each other but we split up last year because see turned nasty against me when I tried to talk with her about "issues". she said I keep picked on her and it upsets her. she then bobarded me with abusive and nasty text messages for weeks of which I ignored. recently we started seeing each other again and again she wants me to rush into marriage with her. I told her last time I want us to work together to sort out her issues and understand each other otherwise marriage would be a distaster for us. we argued again last night , meaning she turned nasty and I gave her a few home truths about herself to which she seemed too accept. but she lies to me as well and I will not tolerate that anymore I've told her. now she keeps phoning me wanting to be "friends" again and meet up only in public for now but I cannot see her being able to change and I cannot take her manic behaviour so I am ignoring her. myself and some down to earth people that are her friends suspect possible aspergers. I am sorry to go on like this with paragraphs and all. can anyone offer any advice. oh by the way this time we started seeing each other again we are not having any sort of physical involvement- this time around. see said she does not want to fornicat anymore with anyone until she is ever married because she doesn't want to displease God. I have not been pressuring her for sex. thanks in advance. Peter



MjrMajorMajor
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07 Nov 2014, 8:23 am

Ummm...run.



cberg
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07 Nov 2014, 8:34 am

There definitely isn't enough information in your repertoire to answer this question one way or the other. Seems to me your differences are more theological than psychological.


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07 Nov 2014, 9:18 am

Do you think she is going to magically change once you are married?



Marcia
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07 Nov 2014, 10:48 am

MjrMajorMajor wrote:
Ummm...run.


Yup. Run, and fast.

Btw - she is someone with a long history of serious mental health problems. I'm not sure why you seem to ignoring that in favour of Asperger's as a reason for her behaviour... :?



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07 Nov 2014, 11:05 am

I am not sure if that is even Asperger's. There is an overlap but could it be schizophrenia or Bipolar?


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07 Nov 2014, 12:14 pm

She is not marriage material and will ruin your life, even if unintentionally. She needs help, and you cannot give it to her. She needs a lot more than love.



0_equals_true
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07 Nov 2014, 2:25 pm

Peter she sounds like she does have mental illness likely schizoaffective or schizotypal.

It is hard to read a wall of text without paragraphs.



Kiriae
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07 Nov 2014, 5:41 pm

Sounds pretty schizophrenic to me.

How did you come to conclusion she has AS?



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07 Nov 2014, 6:03 pm

Off hand I would say bail, I can't see how I would expect that things would get better after marriage.

I scrolled down (on this page) and skimmed your post, I don't see if you stated if you have Asperger's.



0_equals_true
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07 Nov 2014, 6:16 pm

I doesn't sound like classical schizophrenia, or not obviously, it is too consistent for schizophrenia.

When you talk of the disordered thinking, in classical schizophrenia, it is lot more random an varied than this. In contrast when schizophrenics are not episodic they can present surprisingly together or in many cases.

There is clearly some delusion there, magical beliefs, an element of history, which may be entirely fictitious or only partly, but there is a consistency throughout a period of time with this delusion.

Btw people with mental illness of this kind can sometime pull off relationships. Or as least as successful as average folk. My cousin does. I'm not advising it is not case, becuase I think it would be for the wrong reasons.



Last edited by 0_equals_true on 07 Nov 2014, 6:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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07 Nov 2014, 6:19 pm

michael517 wrote:
Off hand I would say bail, I can't see how I would expect that things would get better after marriage.

I scrolled down (on this page) and skimmed your post, I don't see if you stated if you have Asperger's.


He is listed and Neurotypical on profile, and presumably he is Canadian with a nick like that.



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07 Nov 2014, 6:39 pm

This does not sound like Asperger's. There isn't enough information to make a accurate guess, but I'd suggest you're looking in the realms of delusional disorder or schizoaffective.
Whatever the diagnosis, you would expect more honesty about it from a potential wife. Given the apparently volatile relationship I would, quite frankly, run a mile regardless. Mental illness or not, this situation is not the basis of a happy marriage.



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07 Nov 2014, 8:53 pm

Not many non-Canadians call themselves Canucks



canuck7
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08 Nov 2014, 9:08 am

Thank You all of you for you're advice and comments. I am sorry I wrote it out without paragraphs. I was upset trying to sort it out in my head how she is and just banged away on the keypad. I suspects aspergers possibly. after reading some of you're comments on the replies it makes me think I was wrong. it is frustrating that she won't share with exactly what Is wrong with her, I mean there must have been a medical diagnosis after 20 years in and out of hospitals. I like her and do love her but I have made it clear I am unwilling to commit unless she lets me in.. one thing that happened.. a few years ago she dated a heroin addict for some time and that wasn't working out. she stopped seeing him and he still went round her place knocking the door trying to talk etc. she said she wouldn't let him in , but a some time later she tried to get out of her flat on the 3rd floor apartment by climbing down the balcony onto the neighbours below balcony apartment, she told me she fell or slipped and fell 25ft onto a lawn but shattered bones in her lower right leg. she was admitted to hospital and had metal plated inserted. she now walks with a stick and a limp. one of comments to me, it is true. she needs more than love and I cannot help here because everytime I try it blows up and I get accused of all sorts. I am aware that many mental disorders exist and a person may not just have one disorder , but they can sometimes have a group of them. personality disorder I noticed has many different branchs of diagnosis. I came to this site because I am a loss to know how to cope with her because I do not know what is wrong with her, only that there are many problems. I do see that she is delusional in some things. the pastor at her church who she said was rude to her suddenly became friendly when she showed him a photo of herself with a big name pastor with his arm round her. she keeps repeating the story about how her current pastor now treats her with respect cuz she's friendly with a famous big name when she holidays back in the usa. the other night she asked to look on my facebook page and looked up her current pastors facebook page and went through all his facebook friends list which was in the hundreds and then when she couldn't find her big name hot shot pastor in the friend list, she kept saying, " I really expected to find the big name guy in his friends list.. she kept on and on about it and seemed genuinely surprised. to my way of thinking that seems delusional thinking. it is a bit of a sign of maybe where her problems lie. I have done it aqain - no paragraphs. sorry folks. :) :)


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