Is it wrong to try and impress girls?

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They say that in a relationship your partner should love you for who you truly are, not what you do to show off. They say that they should accept your flaws instead of the illusion of perfection. And yet, does that mean it's wrong to try and impress girls? Is it a wasted effort? It really is like an effort. Losing 50 kilos? Sure I used diet pills some of the time but not all of the time. Even when I was on the pills there were still times I felt dizzy from fasting and overexercise.

And this job that I'm trying to get? Maybe a great opportunity yet there's a part of me that feels like I'm giving up paradise, like I'm leaving my life of leisure and ease for nine to five drudgery that after tax pays only slightly more than my pension did. But it's not about the money, it's about the girls right? The girls aren't impressed by how much money I have but rather how I got it, right?

But am I selling my health and my life of leisure just for a chance to impress girls that may not work anyway? (ironic that I may have harmed my health in an attempt to look healthier). What if my girl problems weren't even caused by my appearance or my occupation in the first place? What if was more social problems?

Nothing wrong with trying to impress girls.

It's really how you do it.

Just talk to them like you're a colleague of theirs, then propose going out for coffee or soda or something.--or to an event (perhaps) related to your job.

Maybe during the "event," you could propose you go out for a little meal afterwards.

Don't try to pretend you're the Fonz or something. You'll look ridiculous, and attract the wrong kind of girl.

And---as for salary: you might start off only a little higher than when you're on Benefits--but you have opportunities for raises--whereas, with Benefits, you really don't.

Once you get that year-or-two of experience, you should start making a decent salary.

Once again you have put my mind at ease. I didn't mean the girls at work though. I would only try get to know the girls at work if there were actual girls at work. It's all dudes here.

Last edited by RetroGamer87 on 10 Nov 2014, 9:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Double Post

Last edited by RetroGamer87 on 10 Nov 2014, 9:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I get you...but maybe at conferences related to work, you could meet suitable girls.

Even if you don't work with a person, you could still converse like a "colleague."

Or maybe you could meet ladies at conventions/conferences related to whatever special interest you have.

Once you have a JOB, it gives you a "leg up" on the competition. It doesn't matter if you "take home" the same as when you are on Benefits. There's somewhat of a stigma attached to being on "Benefits."

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 10 Nov 2014, 6:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm a girl and I place a higher value on a man who lets themselves be themselves. One man I know was trying so hard to impress the girl of his interest, that he ended up feeling like he went overboard and was embarrassed to the point that he tried to avoid her for 3 months (wow). The girl did not think he was a fool and just chalked it up to him being nervous and didn't push him into talking to her for a awhile. She just smiled at him and he eventually started to feel comfortable in coming around her again. He started to act like himself and they started to become fast friends as the months went by. Everything just became easier for the most part for the man as far as talking to her because he finally realized that she would not judge him. This was 5 years ago. They are married and have a 3 year-old daughter.

I think it's just a matter of having to face up to the reality of whatever you impress them with. If you're not actually into fitness and try to change your body and your attitude to impress a girl who is, that's a lie you're going to have to live with that will eventually collapse. I've known men try to impress girls by Googling books they've never read so that they could pretend it was a favorite, and it always (rather painfully) comes back to bite them.

I don't know about general self-improvement, though. I think the concern is just that someone might neglect their own needs in trying to change their life to be more impressive.

Yes.

You should carefully consider what your priorities are and go from there. Is impressing girls your top priority, above your personal health and well-being?

I'm about 90% with weight loss for now, though the in the past I did some unhealthy things to lose weight. Was I into it? Yes. In the same way that one gets into something that gives results. I saw the numbers on the scale change and wanted more. Don't worry I don't look skeletal, I'm still above 80KG, which is plenty (glad to be down to double digits now, feeling much more agile, hope I stay that way).

Also I didn't lie, I didn't tell people I was a body builder, I told people I was losing weight, which was the truth. It's wrong to suggest that trying to lose weight in order to more attractive is a dishonest reason to do it because that's by far the most common motivation for weight loss in both sexes.

Anyway, the biggest thing I was most recently concerned about was that I was planning to trade free money for the same amount of money from a 40 hour per week job. I retraced my steps and found the root of my problem was reading through dating profiles of girls who said they didn't want a welfare bum.

I guess girls want a man with more money, which is fair enough in itself but the paradox is that if I get the job I'll have the same amount of money as I had before yet people will assume I have more money based on my job description.

So while I'm happy that I may soon get a job there was just a voice in the back of my head as I rode the train saying "you're doing more work for the same money and the girls will see through your shallow attempt to impress them" so I pulled my laptop out of my bag and started this thread.

Yes that's a good point. Sometimes I think we've created a work-culture that glorifies self-neglect and one of the things that worried me was that I might be running into that culture whereas before I was repelled by it.

I don't think my job will be one of those 9 to midnight jobs but it still makes me a little uneasy. Sometimes I think the 8 hour work day might one day be a thing of the past.

[quote="RetroGamer87"]

It is extremely shallow to try to impress girls.

Focus on self-awareness and self-development and good things will follow.

Girls are more impressed by responsible self-assured men anyway.

You may be right slave, it's just that my current self-development was originally motivated by a desire to impress girls (by getting money from work instead or welfare).

It's like the Buddhist's paradox. The Buddhist wanted to be enlightened, so he stopped wanting all possessions and comfort and became an ascetic. So great was his desire for enlightenment that he even refused food and water. And yet he could not eliminate all desire because he still wanted to be enlightened. So he gave up asceticism and became a hedonist.

This is just a parable but it demonstrates how trying to impress girls by not impressing girls will only result in paradox and failure. As it turned out there was a girl there today. I thought I should get to know her, I talked to her for a few minutes, made her laugh with my observational humour, but I didn't talk to her much more after that because I thought if I did that she might figure out I was trying to get to know her. She mostly just talked to the guy sitting next to her. Anyway, I'd heard stories about how girls get annoyed by too much attention in groups that otherwise consist of young men (think engineering class) so I didn't want to be a party to that (didn't really end up happening anyway).

I suppose the solution to my career paradox is that even if my attempts at self-improvement where originally inspired by attempts to impress girls, that's not longer my primary motivation. Instead of trying to impress girls I want to impress myself. I want to do things I once thought impossible for me. I got so depressed a few months ago, that feeling of self-loathing was unbearable. I'd do anything to avoid going through that again.

@Retrogamer87

Good on you man, all the best.

I must correct your story though. Buddha did not become a hedonist, after he turned from the ascetic path. He turned to the "Middle Way or Path".

Thanks man!

I didn't say Buddha, I said a Buddhist. Anyway I made up that story so how can it be wrong?

If you're trying to impress girls, make sure that they're not at all aware of it. It has to appear that you're just going about your usual business; otherwise, it'll probably backfire on you. They love to give the opposite-reaction from the one they assume the guy is expecting to get from them.

Good idea.

My view is that impressing people only ever works if you do it with things you're actually good at.