Racial perference is dumb

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What does one intellect have to do with what he said? I know you may be joking,but, if you aren't, You can't just categorize someone physical appearance with one intelligence.

she only dates people she finds intelligent cause she finds that attractive.

physical appearance, intelligence. etc are things people are born with and can't change.
so finding someone unattractive due to looks is the same for finding someone less intelligent as unattractive. so if we can change how we find someone attractive by looks the same should be done by basing it off of intelligent.

so If in the name of bs, I should go be with some lady I don't find attractive to be politically collect then she should settle for someone she considers less smart.

or we could just accept people have preferences they can't control. everyone's preferences are different and could be different things looks, personality, smarts, job, where they grew up. some people might have fewer, others might have more. people are all not the same.

theres a difference between "I won't date most _____ race cause I don't find them attractive" and " I hate ____ race cause they are _____,______,"

so if someone says " I don't date black people cause they are white like me or cause I don't like black peopl" thats wrong"
but saying " I don't find most black people attractive" isn't more wrong then " I don't find that group of women over there attractive" Or "I don't find men attractive"

attraction is what it is. if is possible to change attraction in this case then it invalidates all attraction. so women should just make themselves feel attracted to ugly men. this doesn't work in reality though. most people can't change who they are attracted to or not attracted to.

So, if people don't want to date aspies, is that a form of subconscious ableism?

I'll explain it since no one else wants to.

A common complaint among black women is that educated black men "act white." Meaning, they speak properly, are dignified, and are generally good people. In other words, they categorize acting as a decent person as being from a different race entirely. Or, to put it more succinctly, they call it "being an Uncle Tom." They want a guy who supposedly acts black, even though there is no such thing as acting like a race. But they think that acting black means acting like a thug.

Now here's another thing. It affects light-skinned black males more than dark-skinned black males. Dark-skinned dudes can maybe get away with "acting white" (lord, do I hate using that term), based on the darkness of their skin color. That or how many rap verses they can throw down in 20 seconds. Not joking.

I'm not sure where you're from, but where I'm from, most black couples consist of the male being a general dick to everyone he sees, wearing his pants down below his waist, throwing the N word around every five seconds. Or, worse, pulling the race card every 10 seconds on top of all those things. As a light-skinned black dude who DOESN'T engage in any of this behavior, it is quite difficult to find a black woman who appreciates that.

Speaking of black women, you might say "oh, why not date an educated black woman who does none of this?" but that would be about the dumbest question you could ask. Educated black women suffer from that whole stigma from white people about "trying too hard to be white" and they also suffer the same thing from (some) blacks. Though blacks will be more apt to accept a black woman being educated and getting far in life. What ends up happening is they might feel guilty about supposedly "betraying their race" and what will happen? They'll end up with, you guessed it, a thug. I've seen this happen so many times that I lost count. Really, whichever way you go, you'll hit a roadblock if you don't act like a stereotypical black dude.

I figured I'd tell you why I said what I did. I've experienced it enough and heard it from other dudes (including my own father) to know that this is a widespread problem.

Hey Cynical Waffle,

I'm glad you remain true to yourself. Don't let the idiots try to get you to be what you're not.

I used to try to be "this." And "that." And the "other thing."

Nothing good happened until I realized that I had to be myself.

I think I get lots more respect from members of all "races" because I seek to act like myself, no matter who I might encounter.

Thank you for giving a thoughtful reply.

I'm from a rural part of Ontario, so that likely plays a role in my understanding.

A lot of what you're saying both makes sense and matches other observations I've heard before, even in the magazine I'd mentioned earlier. It does seem like angst over racial identity unfortunately causes some black people to engage in tall poppy syndrome (striving too hard for successes that blacks were once denied = rejecting your 'blackness') essentially as you describe. It also makes sense that people who's appearance is more undeniably black are less likely to have this angst; looking 'strongly' black makes their identity secure enough they're less worried about 'acting black'.

I've definitely seen black people who fit the stereotype you describe, but many who didn't too. Skin tone/appearance didn't seem to correlate like you describe, but it's possible that this might have to do with demographics (less black people causes people of more mixed appearance feel less pressure to 'act black'?). Of black people I've known closely, virtually none of them acted like what you describe, but then again I'm not likely to associate voluntarily with people who act that way regardless of race. Since the behaviour you describe seems more common when I'm in the GTA than closer to home, I'm thinking demographics plays a role, additionally it's possible that at least some black people who move away from the city are intentionally removing themselves from that.

It's possible that since I'm not black and black people are only a small percentage of the population here (Barrie it's <2%, and I live outside the city) that these factors make it unlikely I'll personally observe this behaviour. The ones who are likely to engage in this behaviour may just be highly unlikely to interact with me. While I still believe saying all is an overstatement, it's likely you and the people you know closely are far more likely to encounter black women of this type than I am, and you've likely known exponentially more black women than I ever will.

I should also consider the possibility that the women making those complaints may still engage in the behaviour you describe regardless.

It's just as dumb as any preference. Which means, it's a subjective thing with no right or wrong answer.

Indeed, I guess no matter what it is said, or how I try to rethink this topic. At the end of it all no one really thinks of who they're attracted to. I made this thread to express my thoughts about this subject because I feel really comfortable with talking to you guys on this site. Not as aggressive, or self-enlist if i was to post on sites such as Reddit. I hope that I haven't made anyone feel offended about all this. Just need to get this opinion out to anyone I've feel trust around. Again, sorry if I emotionally hurt anyone about this topic.

It's a reasonable conversation to have. People engage in all sorts of limiting and/or self-defeating behaviours and this definitely is one.

I'd argue people are entitled to it, but that's a whole 'nother conversation.

I agree with what you said about how hard it is to find black women who are appreciative of civilized black men. I HATE what the media betrayal of black women has done to the public Consciousness. Most because of how it highlights the ones who are loud mouth, rude, 100% religious etc. I have two sisters who are smart, funny, and strong minded. They don't go yelling out in public, and pull the damn race card every five mins at a time. I've been reading up on stats from OK Cupid, and how Black women& Asian men are ranked the lowest. Its quite sad really because its going to be hard for my sisters to ever find someone to settle with.

I'm pretty sure that they did.

Try to replicate the preferences in hiring.

An tell me if it's just 'dumb'.

You're seriously trying to compare the context of a personal, romantic relationship with a professional business relationship?

People are entitled to discriminate in all sorts of ways that aren't fair when it comes to their personal life. No one owes any other individual their companionship. Let's replace race with another potential grounds to discriminate, appearance.

With the reasonable exception of some jobs that involve working with the public (strippers for example), refusing to hire someone due to them being ugly is wrong.

Refusing to have a romantic relationship with someone because you find them to be ugly is normal, acceptable and something everyone is entitled to.

You see one of them as 'normal' because it's socially correct to reject people as romantic potentials due to race/religion/appearance, while you see the other as unfair because you were raised on this principle of equal hiring. Rejecting to hire people because of these reason was also seen 'normal' ages ago.

I just want to make sure I understand, you feel it's incorrect to reject people as romantic potentials due to race/religion/appearance?

If so, are you instead suggesting that we should be obliged to form romantic relationships with people we find repulsive on the basis of fair treatment? Perhaps we should be entitled to sue people who've spurned our advances on the basis of discrimination, since after all the personal realm and the professional realm are to be treated the same.

While I don't entirely disagree with your observations that I may hold these views due to "how I was raised", I would argue that one's personal life is inherently distinct from one's professional life and that applying the same standards to both would be foolish.

They can reject for whatever reason (ie. like "I never 't date Blacks!" / "I don't date Christians") but I would still see them as discriminatory people.

I had a short relation with a woman who dumped me the moment she knew I am atheist - because "she can't date non-muslims" (ie. and she isn't even a practicing muslim, she even did sexual activities), we were compatible in almost everything else.

Fine, I let it go the moment she did, but don't tell me that I shouldn't think of it a form of religious fanaticism and that's it is not incorrect or not narrow-minded, yes it is.

So yes, I feel it's incorrect to reject people as romantic potentials due to race/religion/appearance, at least me personally don't reject on this basis, but I am aware how socially accepted it is (and it's even encouraged and expected).