The Never-Had-A-Bf/Gf Red Flag

Page 2 of 4 [ 53 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

MjrMajorMajor
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Jan 2012
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,614

15 Dec 2014, 11:02 am

It's just a rote question that deserves a rote answer.("Just haven't found that special someone") What would raise a red flag is a deeply detailed and tortured response.



Toy_Soldier
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,370

15 Dec 2014, 11:03 am

Yeah, I can see that would be annoying. Maybe prepare a resume to hand them if they ask...

But I suppose my own initial reaction, if in that situation would be not to reveal much about myself. Keep it an unknown and force them to 1) Bail 2) Figure it out for themselves. Its a bit gaming, but you want to keep some mystery, especially early on. So maybe respond that you don't like to talk about previous relationships or gfs. That leaves it ambiguious on whether there were any previous ones.



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,350
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

15 Dec 2014, 11:58 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Your problem is because you're not desperate enough I guess.


That is exactly what my sister said. 8O Although she didn't say it was a problem, she isn't a fan of desperate, but I know what you're saying.



Cafeaulait
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2012
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,512
Location: Europe

15 Dec 2014, 12:52 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
What if your answer is "I don't know"

So, I was asking advice from a couple of people this week and they said that they don't know why I'm single and there is "nothing wrong" with me. They say I'm not like weird people they know are single, the kind who other people nudge each other about and point at and laugh at the idea of them ever meeting anyone because they either come over weird or are quite frankly ugly.

Ok so I shot myself in the foot when I was younger. I was your pretentious emo type and just too angsty and straight laced about everything and I can see how that wasn't appealing, but now I'm older and have developed into a more liberal person I feel like I've missed the boat. If young me had ended up with someone like how I was back then I would hate them now, so I'm glad I didn't get married when I was younger. That would have been an awful experience.

Youth is wasted on the young.


Your problem is because you're not desperate enough I guess.

You should WHINE!!:lol: - believe me, all WP girls who whined a lot about not having a boyfriends (I can pm you names if you want), got a boyfriend after a short while, call me crazy but it's true lol and it's still happening to nowadays users. Males, that never works for you.

Read this old thread:
vi ... p?t=172268


Well then I should have a boyfriend in a very short time since you called me a whiner as well. Can't wait. I really hope you are the oracle I think you are.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 29,492
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

15 Dec 2014, 1:48 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
What if your answer is "I don't know"

So, I was asking advice from a couple of people this week and they said that they don't know why I'm single and there is "nothing wrong" with me. They say I'm not like weird people they know are single, the kind who other people nudge each other about and point at and laugh at the idea of them ever meeting anyone because they either come over weird or are quite frankly ugly.

Ok so I shot myself in the foot when I was younger. I was your pretentious emo type and just too angsty and straight laced about everything and I can see how that wasn't appealing, but now I'm older and have developed into a more liberal person I feel like I've missed the boat. If young me had ended up with someone like how I was back then I would hate them now, so I'm glad I didn't get married when I was younger. That would have been an awful experience.

Youth is wasted on the young.


Your problem is because you're not desperate enough I guess.

You should WHINE!!:lol: - believe me, all WP girls who whined a lot about not having a boyfriends (I can pm you names if you want), got a boyfriend after a short while, call me crazy but it's true lol and it's still happening to nowadays users. Males, that never works for you.

Read this old thread:
vi ... p?t=172268


Well then I should have a boyfriend in a very short time since you called me a whiner as well. Can't wait. I really hope you are the oracle I think you are.



I am sure you will, way before me and hurtloam too despite we are older. You're dating a guy already and not long time ago you had a bf.

The whining force is strong with you. :trololol:



Cafeaulait
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jul 2012
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,512
Location: Europe

15 Dec 2014, 3:06 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
What if your answer is "I don't know"

So, I was asking advice from a couple of people this week and they said that they don't know why I'm single and there is "nothing wrong" with me. They say I'm not like weird people they know are single, the kind who other people nudge each other about and point at and laugh at the idea of them ever meeting anyone because they either come over weird or are quite frankly ugly.

Ok so I shot myself in the foot when I was younger. I was your pretentious emo type and just too angsty and straight laced about everything and I can see how that wasn't appealing, but now I'm older and have developed into a more liberal person I feel like I've missed the boat. If young me had ended up with someone like how I was back then I would hate them now, so I'm glad I didn't get married when I was younger. That would have been an awful experience.

Youth is wasted on the young.


Your problem is because you're not desperate enough I guess.

You should WHINE!!:lol: - believe me, all WP girls who whined a lot about not having a boyfriends (I can pm you names if you want), got a boyfriend after a short while, call me crazy but it's true lol and it's still happening to nowadays users. Males, that never works for you.

Read this old thread:
vi ... p?t=172268


Well then I should have a boyfriend in a very short time since you called me a whiner as well. Can't wait. I really hope you are the oracle I think you are.



I am sure you will, way before me and hurtloam too despite we are older. You're dating a guy already and not long time ago you had a bf.

The whining force is strong with you. :trololol:


It was not a boyfriend since all he really wanted from me was sex. He didn't like me for who I was and did not want a relationship. So the 'whining force' has so far not been with me. At all.



Spiderpig
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,893

15 Dec 2014, 6:35 pm

I guess that should count as “not desperate enough”. I wish there were a single woman within twenty years of my age on the whole face of the Earth who wanted to have sex with me for its own sake, even if it’d be just once, no matter whether she’d want to be my girlfriend or not, or whether she’d want to see me ever again—and not by any weird definition of “sex”. In fact, I’m not really sure I’d want to meet her, because I wouldn’t believe she wants to have sex with me, and I’d seriously doubt her sanity, so any kind of contact with her would probably be abuse on my part. So I’d be better off enjoying the precious chance to turn her down, a chance I don’t expect to have in my whole life, after all.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
You should WHINE!!:lol: - believe me, all WP girls who whined a lot about not having a boyfriends (I can pm you names if you want), got a boyfriend after a short while, call me crazy but it's true lol and it's still happening to nowadays users.


Sounds like they were bound to find a boyfriend whether they whined or not :P Who knows!—perhaps they’d have found him sooner if they hadn’t whined.


_________________
The red lake has been forgotten. A dust devil stuns you long enough to shroud forever those last shards of wisdom. The breeze rocking this forlorn wasteland whispers in your ears, “Não resta mais que uma sombra”.


mpe
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 26 Oct 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 379
Location: Exeter

16 Dec 2014, 4:21 pm

downbutnotout wrote:
One of those knee-jerk reactions. I know the media-popular image of a crazed killer or a lunatic is someone obviously isolated or incapable of relating to others, but plenty of times that hasn't been the case. "Seemingly normal, friendly, charismatic guy kills, rapes, and commits necrophilia!" doesn't sell a lot of papers, it seems.


Yet there appear to be no lack of dangerous nut cases who have plenty "relationship experience".

Quote:
Thinking that someone must be "broken" or dangerous in order to have remained single is what I'm assuming is behind the red flag. Certainly it suggests that they haven't been living the most mainstream life, but in and of itself it doesn't say anything about their character, stability, or ability to love. I would assume issues with anxiety, health, or location, but I'm surprised to hear that some simply haven't found a good match in mid-life. Some are harder to pair off than others, I guess.


Not everyone wants to "pair off" in the first place. Indeed a desire to is part of "mainstream life" anyway. For a very long time I've found the assumption that everyone should be in a couple to be very strange. Others have made similar observations, even identifying patterns of discrimination against non coupled people. (Especially if they arn't "desperate to change" it.)



KayteeKay
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jan 2015
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 146

04 Jan 2015, 8:33 am

VIDEODROME wrote:
Can the horrible economy be used as an excuse? Maybe even working the night shift making it hard to socialize? Or can even a mention of working 'graveyard' shift be creepy?


I'd go with "no". Something like 15% of the population does shift work and there are shift workers who have relationships.

The issue may well be YOU.



Non_Passerine
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 20 Jul 2010
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 241

27 Jan 2015, 1:13 pm

Comp_Geek_573 wrote:
+/- of a woman in her 30's who's never had a boyfriend:

+ She's likely to be looking for true love, rather than just a guy she can say is her boyfriend, kiss, touch, have sex with, etc. I know I'll regret it if I take the first girl who will have sex with me...


EXACTLY. I'm 27 at the moment, but I will only date a guy I can see myself marrying. I have to consciously screen a guy before deciding to fall in love with him. I want to commit. (A counselor I used to see thinks I'm that way because of how I was raised. My mother and grandmother told me that marriage was about commitment, and I don't want to date anyone for the sake of dating.)



qFox
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jul 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 207

27 Jan 2015, 8:28 pm

If someone has never have had a girlfriend or boyfriend before they may be a diamond in the rough, the only way to find out is to be actually interested in them and give them a chance. A real red flag are people who go through partners once every few weeks or who have divorced multiple times, then you are most certain they do not make good partners.

It seems however, most of the world thinks the other way around.



Undefined
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jan 2015
Age: 16
Gender: Male
Posts: 11

27 Jan 2015, 10:13 pm

Dating is all marketing. Think of it like someone asking "Why has this car been on the lot never been sold? What's wrong with it?"

The best answer is the honest answer, but you have to phrase it right. So how do you answer "Why have you never been on a date?"

Here are a few options:
1) "I've never really tried. People are hard for me to connect with, and it was hard to meet a new person and do that without being beyond where I was comfortable."

Why this is good: You're being honest, you're admitting that you have a comfort zone, that it matters to you and thus it's a standard. You're not going to go and be uncomfortable, you're going to wait for when it feels right for you.

2) "I'm skeptical of dating. The usual way it goes doesn't work for me, I'd rather do <thing that you don't mind doing with people you don't know well> with someone and get to know them, but then we just end up becoming friends because romance isn't on the table from the start"

Why this is good: Again honesty, admitting that the usual dating system doesn't work for you, and it makes it all very understandable (this happens to me a lot, honestly).

3) "Because I'm oblivious and don't pick up on when someone likes me until the moment is fast, but I have ended up with some good friends that I like to chat with"

Why this is good: If you have a lot of friends of the opposite sex this one works, especially if it's honest. IT also plays into the pop culture icon of the sweet but oblivious male, and shows that you're acceptable to have around to other females.

4) "Because I keep to myself and my own interests, I've thought about it before, but it always seemed too intimidating and less interesting than just doing my own thing."

Why this is good: It's honest, it shows you as not needy, but likely inexperienced, and not looking for an overwhelming experience, it gives you room to explain why the reasons for that may be, and have that be a dialogue from the start.

All of these are not guaranteed to work 100% of the time, but they give you an ability to get past the question or transition into a conversation that can be quite okay about and non NT things you have going on. Yes, some people won't be interested, and even if they are they may not be a good fit, but remember you're interviewing them just as much as they're interviewing you. You're not begging for scraps, you want someone that wants to be there.



Jono
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,343
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa

28 Jan 2015, 12:50 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
What if your answer is "I don't know"

So, I was asking advice from a couple of people this week and they said that they don't know why I'm single and there is "nothing wrong" with me. They say I'm not like weird people they know are single, the kind who other people nudge each other about and point at and laugh at the idea of them ever meeting anyone because they either come over weird or are quite frankly ugly.

Ok so I shot myself in the foot when I was younger. I was your pretentious emo type and just too angsty and straight laced about everything and I can see how that wasn't appealing, but now I'm older and have developed into a more liberal person I feel like I've missed the boat. If young me had ended up with someone like how I was back then I would hate them now, so I'm glad I didn't get married when I was younger. That would have been an awful experience.

Youth is wasted on the young.


Your problem is because you're not desperate enough I guess.

You should WHINE!!:lol: - believe me, all WP girls who whined a lot about not having a boyfriends (I can pm you names if you want), got a boyfriend after a short while, call me crazy but it's true lol and it's still happening to nowadays users. Males, that never works for you.

Read this old thread:
http://origin.wrongplanet.net/forums/vi ... p?t=172268


Funny how that works. WP females who whine about being single and even some who whined about still being virgins and not being able to have sex have usually ended up having boyfriends at most a year 2 later. On the hand, WP males who do the same thing get ridiculed on WP for doing it and seem to perpetually remain single.



ProfessorJohn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jun 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 731
Location: Oklahoma

28 Jan 2015, 1:04 am

Some other answers could be "I was busy trying to get thru school" or "I was busy building my career" or you could really flatter them-"I was just waiting to find someone as awesome as you"



Lazar_Kaganovich
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 27 Dec 2014
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 412

28 Jan 2015, 3:49 am

Jono wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
What if your answer is "I don't know"

So, I was asking advice from a couple of people this week and they said that they don't know why I'm single and there is "nothing wrong" with me. They say I'm not like weird people they know are single, the kind who other people nudge each other about and point at and laugh at the idea of them ever meeting anyone because they either come over weird or are quite frankly ugly.

Ok so I shot myself in the foot when I was younger. I was your pretentious emo type and just too angsty and straight laced about everything and I can see how that wasn't appealing, but now I'm older and have developed into a more liberal person I feel like I've missed the boat. If young me had ended up with someone like how I was back then I would hate them now, so I'm glad I didn't get married when I was younger. That would have been an awful experience.

Youth is wasted on the young.


Your problem is because you're not desperate enough I guess.

You should WHINE!!:lol: - believe me, all WP girls who whined a lot about not having a boyfriends (I can pm you names if you want), got a boyfriend after a short while, call me crazy but it's true lol and it's still happening to nowadays users. Males, that never works for you.

Read this old thread:
http://origin.wrongplanet.net/forums/vi ... p?t=172268


Funny how that works. WP females who whine about being single and even some who whined about still being virgins and not being able to have sex have usually ended up having boyfriends at most a year 2 later. On the hand, WP males who do the same thing get ridiculed on WP for doing it and seem to perpetually remain single.



That's right! It's unfair, it's a double standard, but whining about it clearly does not work. If you are male and you assert your victim status or play the victim olympics game, people(read WOMEN) are going to think you're a loser. Women expect a lot more from men than we men expect from them. A big part of the problem is that women are insecure and they look for things in men that they themselves lack.

The thing to do if you're a guy and you are a virgin is to lie about it. If you manage to sleep with the girl, then afterwards you can admit that she's your first. I also think that men admitting weakness and expressing legitimate grievances really bothers women because they think they're entitled to a monopoly on sympathy and attention. My ex-gf was totally like this.



Jono
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,343
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa

28 Jan 2015, 4:36 am

Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
Jono wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
What if your answer is "I don't know"

So, I was asking advice from a couple of people this week and they said that they don't know why I'm single and there is "nothing wrong" with me. They say I'm not like weird people they know are single, the kind who other people nudge each other about and point at and laugh at the idea of them ever meeting anyone because they either come over weird or are quite frankly ugly.

Ok so I shot myself in the foot when I was younger. I was your pretentious emo type and just too angsty and straight laced about everything and I can see how that wasn't appealing, but now I'm older and have developed into a more liberal person I feel like I've missed the boat. If young me had ended up with someone like how I was back then I would hate them now, so I'm glad I didn't get married when I was younger. That would have been an awful experience.

Youth is wasted on the young.


Your problem is because you're not desperate enough I guess.

You should WHINE!!:lol: - believe me, all WP girls who whined a lot about not having a boyfriends (I can pm you names if you want), got a boyfriend after a short while, call me crazy but it's true lol and it's still happening to nowadays users. Males, that never works for you.

Read this old thread:
http://origin.wrongplanet.net/forums/vi ... p?t=172268


Funny how that works. WP females who whine about being single and even some who whined about still being virgins and not being able to have sex have usually ended up having boyfriends at most a year 2 later. On the hand, WP males who do the same thing get ridiculed on WP for doing it and seem to perpetually remain single.



That's right! It's unfair, it's a double standard, but whining about it clearly does not work. If you are male and you assert your victim status or play the victim olympics game, people(read WOMEN) are going to think you're a loser. Women expect a lot more from men than we men expect from them. A big part of the problem is that women are insecure and they look for things in men that they themselves lack.

The thing to do if you're a guy and you are a virgin is to lie about it. If you manage to sleep with the girl, then afterwards you can admit that she's your first. I also think that men admitting weakness and expressing legitimate grievances really bothers women because they think they're entitled to a monopoly on sympathy and attention. My ex-gf was totally like this.


That's a bit of an unfair generalisation, don't you think. I was talking about a trend that I noticed on WP, not trying to incite misogyny.

And no, I'm not going to lie about something like that, I don't really care what other people think nor have I ever really played the "victim card". Complaining about being single is not really the same thing as playing "victim", it just means that you're unhappy about being single. Calling yourself a "victim" because of it, on the other hand, is more and indication of entitlement.