Why flirting?

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EVERY reaction to flirting, including dislike, falls within the realm of "neurotypical or neurodiverse reaction to flirting."


Except you've no evidence on which to base such a claim, unless by "most cases" you mean "most cases of people I've known well enough to judge them as lacking in self-awareness."

Correct. It is a hypothesis that should be evaluated.

yellowtamarin, a little bird told me once that you are even more 'NT' than some NTs in real life. The bird didn't deny your diagnosis but it believes that it's too mild to be even considered.

And from your posts I am starting to believe that the bird was very right.

Yes, I have my spies.

That seems like useless speculation. To enjoy flirting (of unknown type) has nothing to do with being NT.

I only flirt if I know someone is interested, and I'd only be direct with someone if I was interested in dating them if I knew that too. Unfortunately it can be difficult for me to figure that out because everyone is very indirect.

Well then I might try that pretty soon. But two things worry me:
1. Do you keep staring at her until she looks at you, then immediately look away, pretending to pay attention to something else?

2. I have a feeling that my looks can get in the way. Girls might see my stare as a homeless guy looking at dozens of women. So a lot of ugly guys are notoriously good with verbal flirting since any girl will laugh at playful talking.

I think it is better to take regular quick looks than to stare. Then use peripheral vision so you can notice if she reciprocates or not.

It is possible to find someone without knowing the social norms of this flirting thing. I had experiences. I also can say from experience a mate may not think it's a big deal you can't really flirt, you can be quite compatible with someone misunderstanding your mating call. If they are worth dating they will look past your awkwardness.

Why do you think I post in L&D, and almost never with questions? Because it's the area I have the least trouble in, and so sometimes I even have some advice or insight that might help some people.

Everyone is affected differently with AS, I'm affected most in an area that is not related to romantic relationships.


P.S. Weird that you would have people spy on random people on the internet...

And, awkward flirting can be rather endearing! A confident flirter is less likely to be attractive to me than a shy one.

Forming romantic relationships is a layer above forming friendships in term of difficulty and social skills requirement, the former requires the optimum of social skills to be very successful at it, and you are (and so can be assumed you're also good at forming friendships) - and hence that means you have mastered social skills somehow to a natural level (and that includes body language and flirting) or you simply always had it good.

AS's worst consequence is terrible social skills, and I don't think you're the type of Autistic who has sensory problems and obsessive ticks either (never saw you mentioning them- correct me if I am mistaken), so if that's true, I wonder...what's really left of your AS?

For me I would argue it's the other way around. I have MUCH more difficulty forming friendships than relationships. In fact the most common way for me to make a friend is through a failed relationship or dating. I don't have much success forming them the "normal" way.

I don't think I have success with dating due to good social skills. I think it is because I struggle with the "levels of friendship" thing where you are supposed to work your way up in forming bonds with people. That tends not to be an issue with relationships, because most people I date are okay with being intimate quickly (I'm not just talking about physically, I'm talking about being open and blunt and ignoring the social norms of knowing when is too soon to reveal certain things etc.).

I become friends with my partner AFTER we are already dating, so again, it's the other way around to what you speak of, for me. I have to break down the barriers of social norms with someone in order to forge a friendship, and that's much easier done by being romantically close to them, rather than figuring out how to do it without that sort of intimacy that makes things comfortable.

I have sensory problems, and have posted about them on occasion. Not much though because I don't see that I can really give much advice there, there rarely is an opportunity for me to try to help, or anything I feel I can ask for help about.

So, back to flirting...this is something I've never really had a problem doing because there's no real risk. You try it, it works or doesn't. There is less at stake than trying to make the beginnings of a friendship...with a friendship, more likely you are going to see the person again sometime, hence why you are bothering to try to form a connection. With flirting, who cares, you're showing you think they are cute, or whatever, not that you would like to spend more time with them as a friend. That's how it is for me anyway. Friendship comes later (as described above), so for now it's a no-risk bit of fun.

So in other term, you're only good in forming short-terms.

Ok, that clarifies something....

No, like I said, the friendship comes after the dating starts. As in, that could be ending the dating and just being friends, or it could be a relationship, short or long term. Building a friendship without that barrier-breaking beginning is the hard part.

That includes same-sex relationships?

Yep.