If your 27 and never had a girlfriend, is it too late?

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Ban-Dodger
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02 May 2015, 3:30 pm

I honestly see no reason for anybody to go to college/university unless they plan to be a doctor or scientist or professional translator/interpreter (due to needing to learn correct grammar/spelling when translating technical-documents).

Anyway in other news related to girl-friends...


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rdos
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02 May 2015, 4:54 pm

sly279 wrote:
yep I'm not competitive,ie ambitious. I'm fine with that. leads to stress, wasting your life away working 20 hours a day, losing your family, hating others cause they'll higher then you, being mean to others to get ahead, etc. I'd rather not be part of that kill or be killed ambitious life style.


Me neither, and I'm not part of it even if I work. I work with my special interest and I enjoy it. I have no desire to "climb" in the hierarchy, and I have a good pay enough so I don't need to go elsewhere.

sly279 wrote:
I have my other hobbies, and besides from what I've seen a guy can work 40+ hours a week making 20 an hour and women still seem as a loser because he hasn't quite his job to get another and climb the ladder, cause when you reach the top and there's no where to go the next ambitious thing to do is get a new job at the bottom somewhere and climb again.


I'd never consider a woman like that. You cannot trust them so they are not relationship material.

sly279 wrote:
even hear its split. and in the general population most won't ask a guy out. at least in the usa. where we are still raised being told the guy asks out the girl waits. so many still follow that. yes there's some that rebel against it, and each generation I hope will be more and more. but mine is only the 2nd one to rebel and its quite low in numbers.

tradition is quite strongly brainwashed into a lot of people from when their born. most of them will do the same to their kids. not like there ever was a law in the us where women couldn't ask a guy out it was just the culture norm and still sadly mainly is. what changed is you don't have to go on a date with a 24 year girl and her 40 year old dad.

hard to say if I was a woman if this would change. my sisters don't ask guys out its not how they were raised to think.


I don't think this has anything to do with culture or how you are raised. It's much simpler than that: For NTs, it is males that are supposed to take all the initiatives, while for neurodiverse people it's less pronounced (I'd even say it's mixed). That's why only a small number of women will take these initiatives, and culture will not change this.



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02 May 2015, 5:55 pm

sly279 wrote:
Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
sly, the trouble with you is that you have no ambition. Video games as a hobby is perfectly fine, but you need to do MORE with your life and your time than just that!! ! Otherwise women will think you're a loser.
like half of gamers are women. so theres women out there who don't think gamers are losers.
Yes there are girl gamers, I know several two young women in their twenties who like PC gaming yet they are also focussed on their careers. One has a job and the other is doing a nursing degree.
sly279 wrote:
yep I'm not competitive,ie ambitious.
You're not? Yet you choose who you want to be. No one is born ambitious or unambitious. Ambition is a choice. We are defined by our choices in life. We choose who we want to be. You can choose to be someone you'd admire and the girls will like you for it.

You don't have to be ambitious if you don't want to. But girls don't have to like unambitious guys if they don't want to.
sly279 wrote:
I'm fine with that. leads to stress, wasting your life away working 20 hours a day
You exaggerate. The majority of the career-men don't work 20 hours per day. I've only known two people who did anything like that. One worked 20 hours per day because she had severe insomnia and one worked 19 hours per day because that sort of thing was expected of her when she was living in Malaysia.
sly279 wrote:
and besides from what I've seen a guy can work 40+ hours a week making 20 an hour and women still seem as a loser because he hasn't quite his job to get another and climb the ladder, cause when you reach the top and there's no where to go the next ambitious thing to do is get a new job at the bottom somewhere and climb again.
Yes and I've seen a guy who's 21, never had a job and is adored by his girlfriend of four years. What this proves is that you can't use other guys you know as evidence for what will happen in your life. You must forge your own path.
sly279 wrote:
work isn't life to me, its just a way to get money to live my life.
That's fine, it doesn't have to be but you must ask yourself, what is your life, what are you living for? If you don't live for work then you should find something else to live for. Choose anything, even something selfish. Live for games if you want, it's better than having no purpose in your life.
sly279 wrote:
Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
The old system where a woman had to wait for the man to ask her out is a thing of the past
even hear its split. and in the general population most won't ask a guy out. at least in the usa. where we are still raised being told the guy asks out the girl waits. so many still follow that. yes there's some that rebel against it, and each generation I hope will be more and more. but mine is only the 2nd one to rebel and its quite low in numbers.
Well then, if you're the one to ask girls out that means you have more choice. You can ask out any girl you want instead of waiting to be asked out. And remember, if you think it's hard being the guy and asking the girl out, it's no less hard being the girl and asking the guy out. As I said before, girls get nervous too.


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02 May 2015, 7:17 pm

rdos wrote:
sly279 wrote:
yep I'm not competitive,ie ambitious. I'm fine with that. leads to stress, wasting your life away working 20 hours a day, losing your family, hating others cause they'll higher then you, being mean to others to get ahead, etc. I'd rather not be part of that kill or be killed ambitious life style.


Me neither, and I'm not part of it even if I work. I work with my special interest and I enjoy it. I have no desire to "climb" in the hierarchy, and I have a good pay enough so I don't need to go elsewhere.

sly279 wrote:
I have my other hobbies, and besides from what I've seen a guy can work 40+ hours a week making 20 an hour and women still seem as a loser because he hasn't quite his job to get another and climb the ladder, cause when you reach the top and there's no where to go the next ambitious thing to do is get a new job at the bottom somewhere and climb again.


I'd never consider a woman like that. You cannot trust them so they are not relationship material.

sly279 wrote:
even hear its split. and in the general population most won't ask a guy out. at least in the usa. where we are still raised being told the guy asks out the girl waits. so many still follow that. yes there's some that rebel against it, and each generation I hope will be more and more. but mine is only the 2nd one to rebel and its quite low in numbers.

tradition is quite strongly brainwashed into a lot of people from when their born. most of them will do the same to their kids. not like there ever was a law in the us where women couldn't ask a guy out it was just the culture norm and still sadly mainly is. what changed is you don't have to go on a date with a 24 year girl and her 40 year old dad.

hard to say if I was a woman if this would change. my sisters don't ask guys out its not how they were raised to think.


I don't think this has anything to do with culture or how you are raised. It's much simpler than that: For NTs, it is males that are supposed to take all the initiatives, while for neurodiverse people it's less pronounced (I'd even say it's mixed). That's why only a small number of women will take these initiatives, and culture will not change this.


$20 per hour is all of $41k per year. That's not exactly Richy Richville!



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03 May 2015, 2:18 am

MrsFishy wrote:
$20 per hour is all of $41k per year. That's not exactly Richy Richville!




Even so, $41k/year can still enable you to live comfortably(by that I mean provide all of your needs)in certain places. I personally wouldn't even CONSIDER dating a woman who had a minimum income requirement for a man! So long as he is able to support himself without assistance from his family or from the state that should be good enough. Golddiggers need not apply. Thank you and good night.

RetroGamer87 wrote:

Well then, if you're the one to ask girls out that means you have more choice. You can ask out any girl you want instead of waiting to be asked out. And remember, if you think it's hard being the guy and asking the girl out, it's no less hard being the girl and asking the guy out. As I said before, girls get nervous too.


Um, no. If the you're the one asking girls out then it's the girls who have more choice because you're placing the ball in their court. Yeah, girls get nervous too but why should GUYS have to take all the risks? I'm not saying girls *should* ask guys out but should be more obvious and direct by letting know guys that they're interested when they are.

Nevertheless, if you're going to ask a girl out and expect to get a yes you need to learn to read the signals and social cues she's sending out to you. If there are no signals of interest on her part, then your chances aren't good. If they are, then make your move.



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03 May 2015, 5:33 am

Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
I personally wouldn't even CONSIDER dating a woman who had a minimum income requirement for a man! So long as he is able to support himself without assistance from his family or from the state that should be good enough. Golddiggers need not apply. Thank you and good night.

You wouldn't date a woman who has a minimum requirement or a woman who told you about it? At least the latter one is open about it. Obviously nobody wants to date a person like that, but it's not possible to avoid it unless the other person tells you.



rdos
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03 May 2015, 7:14 am

314pe wrote:
Lazar_Kaganovich wrote:
I personally wouldn't even CONSIDER dating a woman who had a minimum income requirement for a man! So long as he is able to support himself without assistance from his family or from the state that should be good enough. Golddiggers need not apply. Thank you and good night.

You wouldn't date a woman who has a minimum requirement or a woman who told you about it? At least the latter one is open about it. Obviously nobody wants to date a person like that, but it's not possible to avoid it unless the other person tells you.


In my case I'm totally unaware of their "requirements", as I don't give them a chance to verify them. That will scare the gold diggers away because they need to verify if their requirements are met before getting emotionally involved, and when I don't let them verify anything they'll lose any interest they might have had.



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03 May 2015, 11:35 am

1df5e76 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
So before guys say they're hard done by by our culture, remember the flip side is that it's bad for girls too. I'd favour a move away from that traditional culture because it seems to be bad for girls and guys. And guys, remember that girls can get nervous during dating too.


As uncomfortable as it is, the guys ask system arguably favors men since they are more likely to end up with who they want: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stable_mar ... e_solution That probably doesn't really apply those who are shy though.

P.S. People, please don't leave five levels of nested quotes in your posts. You're wearing out my page down key!
yes but for some guys it takes them longer than others to overcome shyness and social anxiety, having shyness, social-awkwardness is going to hurt guys more than girls since the status-quo still strongly dictates it is the guy who be the initiator.



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03 May 2015, 1:58 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
1df5e76 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
So before guys say they're hard done by by our culture, remember the flip side is that it's bad for girls too. I'd favour a move away from that traditional culture because it seems to be bad for girls and guys. And guys, remember that girls can get nervous during dating too.


As uncomfortable as it is, the guys ask system arguably favors men since they are more likely to end up with who they want: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stable_mar ... e_solution That probably doesn't really apply those who are shy though.

P.S. People, please don't leave five levels of nested quotes in your posts. You're wearing out my page down key!
yes but for some guys it takes them longer than others to overcome shyness and social anxiety, having shyness, social-awkwardness is going to hurt guys more than girls since the status-quo still strongly dictates it is the guy who be the initiator.


Yet the vast majority of socially anxious, poor, underemployed/unemployed, average looking men have had a date/relationship and lost their virginity well before age 27.

Also if you're not asking girls out, they're not rejecting you. You haven't afforded them the opportunity to do so! Everybody feels like a loser/idiot when they ask out someone who says no. Almost everybody gets over it, as evidenced by the fact tat the human race still exists and few folks are dating, let alone reproducing with the person they invited to their 6th grade graduation dance dance.

What have you done differently? What's your strategy for trying to get a girlfriend? Besides your newfound magnanimous decision to date girls whose faces aren't wuite supermodel-like if their bodies are hot enough to meet your exacting standards?

Suggestions include:
- making IRL friends (evidence of social competence, plus they might introduce you to single girls who might be more likely to be okay w/your awkwardness since you come with a reference)
- becoming financially stable (it'd be good for your self-esteem, plus it's something you actually have some control over; it'd likely also also increase the number of girls willing to consider dating you -- not because they're evil gold diggers who want to financially exploit you but because they want to date men they believe aren't out to financially exploit *them*)
- honestly evaluating your looks/what you bring to a relationship and pursuing women who are more or less your "equal".
- do whatever is necessary to ensure you see Elliot Rodger's actions and resentment (at girls supposedly denying him sex, while giving to men he considered his "inferiors") at girls for what they are: seriously messed up and UNSUCCESSFUL!
- Consider seeing girls as PEOPLE -- not inanimate objects for you to acquire, f*ck and show off. Your resentment at guys who date the "super-hottie" late teens/early 20s girls you've never had the nerve to speak this palpable.



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03 May 2015, 2:03 pm

^ She's still in the nice mood and helpful mood for now, but then soon, ......gawd helps us.



rdos
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03 May 2015, 2:25 pm

MrsFishy wrote:
Yet the vast majority of socially anxious, poor, underemployed/unemployed, average looking men have had a date/relationship and lost their virginity well before age 27.


Only if they are NTs.

MrsFishy wrote:
Also if you're not asking girls out, they're not rejecting you. You haven't afforded them the opportunity to do so!


That's a useful strategy. My favorite one even. :wink:

MrsFishy wrote:
Everybody feels like a loser/idiot when they ask out someone who says no. Almost everybody gets over it, as evidenced by the fact tat the human race still exists and few folks are dating, let alone reproducing with the person they invited to their 6th grade graduation dance dance.


Don't follow you. What is the connection between easily getting over being rejected and that the human race still exists?

MrsFishy wrote:
- making IRL friends (evidence of social competence, plus they might introduce you to single girls who might be more likely to be okay w/your awkwardness since you come with a reference)


Useless advice. Friends aren't relationship material, and girls that require social competence aren't either.

MrsFishy wrote:
- becoming financially stable (it'd be good for your self-esteem, plus it's something you actually have some control over; it'd likely also also increase the number of girls willing to consider dating you -- not because they're evil gold diggers who want to financially exploit you but because they want to date men they believe aren't out to financially exploit *them*)


Ever heard of a man financially exploiting a woman? Never happens, because women don't like men that are earning less than themselves (at least NT women don't).

So, yes, they tend to be evil gold diggers if they require a lot in the financial area. OTOH, not hard to select those out. Simply refuse to tell them your income or what you are working with.

MrsFishy wrote:
- honestly evaluating your looks/what you bring to a relationship and pursuing women who are more or less your "equal".


Bring to a relationship? Isn't that the "gold digger" dimension? Previously you claimed there were no gold diggers, but now you are talking about what people bring.

MrsFishy wrote:
- Consider seeing girls as PEOPLE -- not inanimate objects for you to acquire, f*ck and show off. Your resentment at guys who date the "super-hottie" late teens/early 20s girls you've never had the nerve to speak this palpable.


No, I only consider them as material of obsessions (if I like them that is). :mrgreen:



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03 May 2015, 2:32 pm

I'm 22 and have never been asked out. (Or if I have, I missed it. That's possible.) Not the same, I know, but in answer to your question...no. It is never too late.


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1df5e76
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03 May 2015, 2:36 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
yes but for some guys it takes them longer than others to overcome shyness and social anxiety, having shyness, social-awkwardness is going to hurt guys more than girls since the status-quo still strongly dictates it is the guy who be the initiator.

Well, I do not deny that the current system sucks. I am quite tired of dating women who seem to expect me to do 90% of the work.



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03 May 2015, 2:52 pm

MrsFishy wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
1df5e76 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
So before guys say they're hard done by by our culture, remember the flip side is that it's bad for girls too. I'd favour a move away from that traditional culture because it seems to be bad for girls and guys. And guys, remember that girls can get nervous during dating too.


As uncomfortable as it is, the guys ask system arguably favors men since they are more likely to end up with who they want: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stable_mar ... e_solution That probably doesn't really apply those who are shy though.

P.S. People, please don't leave five levels of nested quotes in your posts. You're wearing out my page down key!
yes but for some guys it takes them longer than others to overcome shyness and social anxiety, having shyness, social-awkwardness is going to hurt guys more than girls since the status-quo still strongly dictates it is the guy who be the initiator.


Yet the vast majority of socially anxious, poor, underemployed/unemployed, average looking men have had a date/relationship and lost their virginity well before age 27.

Also if you're not asking girls out, they're not rejecting you. You haven't afforded them the opportunity to do so! Everybody feels like a loser/idiot when they ask out someone who says no. Almost everybody gets over it, as evidenced by the fact tat the human race still exists and few folks are dating, let alone reproducing with the person they invited to their 6th grade graduation dance dance.

What have you done differently? What's your strategy for trying to get a girlfriend? Besides your newfound magnanimous decision to date girls whose faces aren't wuite supermodel-like if their bodies are hot enough to meet your exacting standards?

Suggestions include:
- making IRL friends (evidence of social competence, plus they might introduce you to single girls who might be more likely to be okay w/your awkwardness since you come with a reference)
- becoming financially stable (it'd be good for your self-esteem, plus it's something you actually have some control over; it'd likely also also increase the number of girls willing to consider dating you -- not because they're evil gold diggers who want to financially exploit you but because they want to date men they believe aren't out to financially exploit *them*)
- honestly evaluating your looks/what you bring to a relationship and pursuing women who are more or less your "equal".
- do whatever is necessary to ensure you see Elliot Rodger's actions and resentment (at girls supposedly denying him sex, while giving to men he considered his "inferiors") at girls for what they are: seriously messed up and UNSUCCESSFUL!
- Consider seeing girls as PEOPLE -- not inanimate objects for you to acquire, f*ck and show off. Your resentment at guys who date the "super-hottie" late teens/early 20s girls you've never had the nerve to speak this palpable.


yes the vast majority of guys have before age 27, that's the cold harsh truth, but on forums everywhere, whenever I hear of a person being my age or older and still being a virgin, never having a relationship before, I hear guys make those posts more than girls do. Anyway, sounds like someone made a duplicate account.



1df5e76
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03 May 2015, 3:33 pm

MrsFishy wrote:
Yet the vast majority of socially anxious, poor, underemployed/unemployed, average looking men have had a date/relationship and lost their virginity well before age 27.

Also if you're not asking girls out, they're not rejecting you. You haven't afforded them the opportunity to do so! Everybody feels like a loser/idiot when they ask out someone who says no. Almost everybody gets over it, as evidenced by the fact tat the human race still exists and few folks are dating, let alone reproducing with the person they invited to their 6th grade graduation dance dance.

What have you done differently? What's your strategy for trying to get a girlfriend? Besides your newfound magnanimous decision to date girls whose faces aren't wuite supermodel-like if their bodies are hot enough to meet your exacting standards?

Suggestions include:
- making IRL friends (evidence of social competence, plus they might introduce you to single girls who might be more likely to be okay w/your awkwardness since you come with a reference)
- becoming financially stable (it'd be good for your self-esteem, plus it's something you actually have some control over; it'd likely also also increase the number of girls willing to consider dating you -- not because they're evil gold diggers who want to financially exploit you but because they want to date men they believe aren't out to financially exploit *them*)
- honestly evaluating your looks/what you bring to a relationship and pursuing women who are more or less your "equal".
- do whatever is necessary to ensure you see Elliot Rodger's actions and resentment (at girls supposedly denying him sex, while giving to men he considered his "inferiors") at girls for what they are: seriously messed up and UNSUCCESSFUL!
- Consider seeing girls as PEOPLE -- not inanimate objects for you to acquire, f*ck and show off. Your resentment at guys who date the "super-hottie" late teens/early 20s girls you've never had the nerve to speak this palpable.

You seem to be making a lot of assumptions about those of us who haven't had success at dating. It's quite possible to be successful professionally and have a few friends and still face constant rejection at dating.