Am I wrong to want a relationship?

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It's been on my mind for about the last 4 years but my lack of success has made me wonder, would a relationship destroy me or something? Would I just let her down and embarrass myself or worse? It seems there is a reason people won't give me a chance is it because I am too broken?

You are not wrong to want a relationship--point blank.

I agree. You're not wrong for wanting a relationship.

It is perfectly normal to want a relationship. That is what people do. It is hard to be different from other people in that area. I perfectly understand your feelings because I was where you are for most of my life. I tried not wanting one, couldn't do that, still wanted one.

I don't think a relationship would destroy you... hopefully not. Yes, sometimes relationships hurt, but it's people that destroy relationships. If you were to make a mistake and let "her" down, you and "her" could possibly work it out. That's what relationships are all about; trial and error. We all make mistakes. I don't think there is anything wrong with you. You just haven't her yet. Don't worry she's out there. You could think of the time you have now, as a chance to do some self work to prepare for the type of relationship you would like to have.

Being on the spectrum makes it harder for some people to understand you. Not that there is anything wrong with you, it's a matter of being different. Different can be good. Think of how wonderful your future girlfriend would have to be. To see past the so called norms, to truly see what a beautiful diamond you really are. She's out there. Don't give up.

Thank you for your kind words

I'm feeling very depressed right now. The weight of the world is on my shoulders. I see people talking and laughing and opening up to each other, but where can I go to talk and laugh and open up to someone? nowhere. I am trapped. I have no options, no lifelines, I don't know what to do at all.

Today I wanted to call the Samaritans just to have someone to talk to. I didn't as I am not suicidal, but my emotions are telling me its the end of the world if I can't just get what I want right now. Who could I talk to who would understand the heavy burden I feel? At this point my friends are just a couple of people who sometimes reply to my instant messages. I ask them to meet up and they're always busy. They never initiate contact.

So when I feel down like this I just explode at them and send them long rants about how depressed I feel and I let them know they're partly responsible for putting so little effort in and basically paying lip service to our friendship. I'm lucky they haven't blocked me. (I got a lot of people to block me by acting this way, but it's not like I can just stop).

Ugh, people tell me all the time I'm weird. The worst part is knowing they are right and there's nothing I can do about it.

I think of finding a partner as the silver bullet, she will be my friend, and my lover, and appreciate/tolerate my differences. I will feel accepted in the world and my anger will go down. I won't lash out or feel the need to lash out.

But if I feel like you put me in a box away from everyone else then I will lash out.

guys seem to get criticized for it more than girls do, because apparently, guys are expected to make other areas of their lives more important than meeting women.